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College and a Baby... is it possible?

Posted by on May. 7, 2007 at 9:03 AM
  • 23 Replies
Hello,
     I have only yesterday discovered that I am expecting. I am currentyl enrolled full time at a local University, and I am hoping that this will not halt my education. I am happy to have this baby, and am willing to do whatever it takes, the only down side is that I will have to tell my dad. He is the one funding my education, and I am more than a little bit nervous that he will cut me off when he hears the news. Any suggestions on how to break the news to him would be great. Also, I am having problems with the daddy's brother. He lives with us, and I feel that the stress will drive me crazy in the months to come. While his rent money is needed, I don't feel I can carry this baby under so much stress.
SUGGESTIONS!?!?!? PLEASE!
thankyou,
Clelia
by on May. 7, 2007 at 9:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
millyy22
by on May. 7, 2007 at 9:20 AM
well, first of all i am happy to hear you are excited about this.  being a mother take courage even in the best circumstances.  so, you go girl. 

you need to tell your dad...asap.  the longer you wait, the worse it will be.  if he loves you he'll support you...financially with school and emotionally.  if not it's his loss.  get a college grant and pay for it that way.  most state governments are more than willing to help a mother go thru college.  you'll be just fine. 

as for the brother, talk to him, talk to your boyfriend.  you are the one who is pregnant so it should be about what you need right now.  and you are right in thinking you don't need stress.  don't point fingers and don't judge, just talk and hopefully they will listen.

i wish you the best honey.  take care of you.
jcoop
by on May. 7, 2007 at 9:27 AM
Hi I'm jamie-yes college with children is possible-I have three and am a full time student-not the easiest but it is possible-as for your father-if college is something you want to continue with child you need to let him know your plans-and maybe find another way to fund your education!There are lots of grants and other ways to pay for college.As for the brother anytime anyone lives with you it adds stress, you have to ask if $ and stress are worth it.With a new baby lots will change in your home and maybe eventually brother will see those changes.      
sophstersmom
by on May. 7, 2007 at 9:37 AM
I went back to college classes when my daughter was ten weeks old. I am now nearly done with my second semester, since having a child. It is not a walk in the park,  but I am amazed at the women around me who go to school while having more than one child at home! It is doable, sometimes you have to rearrange your schedule, sometimes you have to cut a class or two, but in the long run you will make it. I agree with the other ladies on this post though, talk to your dad soon and tell him what's going on. You never know what he will say until you talk with him. I was a little scared to tell my parents about having a baby too, but they were so happy to have a grandchild that I think everything else kind of faded into the background....=)
jalysia
by on May. 7, 2007 at 9:48 AM
I just wanted to let you know that it is definitely possible to do college and kids!  I have two little ones, and went back to school when the youngest was about 6 months.  It has not been easy but it is do-able.  As for confronting your father, I'm not sure what to tell you.  I had a hard time telling my parents and really dont remember how I did it now.  And stress and a baby are definitely not a good combination and as much as possible I tried to avoid it when I was pregnant, but with my family and my in-laws, it was basically impossible and mine came out just fine.  I would say talk to your doctor about how stress effects the baby and see what they say, maybe there's something like meditation or I have heard of yoga for pregnant women, maybe something like that can help keep your a bit more balanced when dealing with the craziness at home.
onemomsopinion
by on May. 7, 2007 at 9:58 AM
A dear family friend of mine was in college and married when she discovered she was pregnant.      She continued to work (nurse) and finished up her master's after her daughter was born.    I babysat her daughter often, but she occasionally took her to classes with her as she was breastfeeding.  

Somehow, it was accommodated and she did it all,  but I don't remember the details and she died a few years ago.     She was an amazing woman all around and a real go getter all her life.  

I feel that if you want something badly enough and are healthy--you can do anything.   Good luck with schooling and congrats on the baby.


MamaD020760
by on May. 7, 2007 at 10:12 AM

Mama D checking in.

Honey, I am happy that you are expecting a baby and that you are joyful about it. 

I believe in complete honesty and telling people what is going on and how you feel.

First, concerning your father you need to sit down and talk to him.  Let him know what is going on in your life and that you want to continue pursuing your education.  Explain to him that this is just a little bump in the road but not one that you can't handle.  The education will last you a lifetime such as this new bundle of joy will be.  The completion of your education will help you support and take care of yourself and your child in the long run.  I know some pretty good fathers who would not let this deter them from helping their daughter and I pray once you talk to your father he will make the same decision.  Be honest with him and tell him how you feel.  He may be disappointed for a time (fathers tend to be that way) but I do believe in my heart when he sees that beautiful baby his disappointment will turn to shear happiness.  Don't deceive him by not telling him because that will only make things worst as time goes on.
 
Same general rule just apply it to your baby daddy's brother.  Talk to your boyfriend and let him know that whatever is going on with his brother is a stressful situation for you.  See if you two can come to some type of agreement that will help everyone.  You know most brothers are not usually willing to put their brother out on the street especially if he doesn't have anywhere to go.  Be hones and tell him what is going on with you and now that you are pregnant you need to be as stress free as possible.  You didn't say why the brother drives you crazy but if it is something that is very abnormal and I mean (drugs, alcohol, theft etc.) you don't need that type of stuff if your life and especially not when you are bringing a little on here.  The main thing is sit and and talk it over.  Honesty is the best policy and when people know where you stand and how you feel there shouldn't be any misunderstandings unless they choose to ignore your feelings.


I pray you find peace and all goes well in your circumstances.  If you need to talk I am always here.  LOL

anetrnlov
by on May. 7, 2007 at 10:15 AM
Clelia

As the others said, yes school is absolutely possible with children.  I enrolled in LPN school shortly after my oldest was born and I was a single mom.  With my second child I was enrolled in an LPN-BSN fast track program and I was working full time.  The key is a good support system.

I know how you feel about telling your dad.  I go through the same thing with everyone of my pregnancies and I am married.  LOL  My suggestion is to tell him soon and be totally honest with him about how you feel and what you want to do with school.  Don't get deffensive with him if he gets upset or angry.  Let him get it out and move on.

As far as the brother.  If he is causing you that much stress the money isn't worth it.  Your physical and mental health and the health of your baby have to come first.
thatgirl112
by on May. 7, 2007 at 10:24 AM
  It will work itself out but at the same time putting off the inevitible is not good I also suggest letting your dad know ASAP just because it is the right thing to do. Now as far as your education is conserned you can do it I am an example I have three boys that are in school themselves and I go to college also . This is something where if you want it bad enough all the roadblocks that come you will over come . You will find a way and if you look at the big picture of you need to stay with the college thing just because in the long run you will be able to get a decent paying job and a respectible carreer that will help you to raise this child . But the short term of it you have to take it semester by semester and do what you have to do. It is going to work out the whole thing is being up front and to the point as soon as you can and your dad may be more understanding and supportive than what you think . Make it known to him that your intentions are to follow through with what you started with school and that you will do whatever it takes to make it happen and if he sees that I am sure that he will be more understanding then what you give him credit for. It is going to be a difficult thing but just bite the bullet and tell him and answer any thing that he throws at you with an answer that is as honest as possible. We are here gor you and trust me you will get through as tough as being a parent is you are never ever  given more than what the man up stairs thinks that you can handle.  
chip
by on May. 7, 2007 at 10:25 AM

Congrats!!!!!! On the Baby, I agree with the other women let your dad know what is going on, and that you intend to finish, no matter what. It is hard I waited until my daughter was older, I didn't have much support being a single mom. But you have back up (DAD). Take your time and everything will work out. It wont be easy but you can do it. If all else fails there is always grants, loans and on-line college. I took classes on-line got scholarships and love it. It is alittle harder on-line, but worth it.

Chip

moonglitter420
by on May. 7, 2007 at 10:27 AM
yup! I have 4 kids and I have been in school for a year now. I go to ITT Indianapolis, and I only go 3 nights a week. And yes, it is very hard, and can be very stressfull. But don't loose sight of what you want to do with your life. I thought i had lost it when i started having kids and NEVER expected to go to school for drafting/design like wanted to. Then a year ago, it just fell into my lap and i love it! And even with the stress and the difficulties, I am confident it was a wise choice. YOU CAN be a mommy and go to school!!!!!!! Don't let anyone tell you different. IF I CAN DO IT WITH 4 YOU CAN DO IT WITH 1!!! I have faith in you!!!
    I can't help you with how to tell your dad, cause mine well, i haven't talked to him in five years and he didn't really care that i had babies. I'd be surprised if he even knows my kids' names!!!! I have done the brother-in-law staying with us thing though! A couple of times. The first time, he didn't pay ANY of the rent he was supposed to pay us! Then the second time he tried to not pay it again. But if it's your boyfriends brother, then your boyfriend needs to tell him that you need the money he AGREED to pay or he needs to get out. It won't do any good if you tell him since you're just his bro's girl, his brother's word's will sink into his brain more than your's will. It took me months to get my husband to gather his guts and tell his brother that he was breaking us by not living up to his agreement. He payed what he owed and moved out a few weeks later. And if it's your house then you have the RIGHT to set rules for anyone. If he does something that causes you stress, does he drink a lot or do drugs or party or what? Tell him he can't do it in your house and if he does he's out. And don't back down. My bro-in-law had just gotten released from jail for his 3 or 4th DUI. I told him that one condition of staying with us was that I won't contribute to his problem so he wasn't allowed to drink in my house. His first week there, he had the NERVE to ask me to take him to the liquor store........I said no!!! And whenever he tryed to bring even one beer into the house in his hand, my husband would take it from him. I couldn't do anything about him coming home drunk but i kept him from getting drunk IN my house! My purpose was to do my caring duty and do what i could to help someone with a drinking prob. My husband and I stuck to our guns at our house, but he would go to other family members houses who didn't care if he had a prob. and let him continue in his prob. Anyway, i think i got off the subject a little. Just lay down the law in your home. And about your dad..........depends on how old you are obviously your an adult. You never know maybe your dad will be happy for you!
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