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My son dating a former friend of mine daughter.

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:44 AM
  • 9 Replies
My name is Donna. I have posted on here regarding the same situation. A good friend and myself (or should say a former friend) matched up my 22 year old son with her 22 year old daughter. At first it was just fun just talking about them getting together. Low and behold they have been dating now for at least 6 months. Now the former friend no longer speaks to me. My son goes to visit her daughter (my sons girlfriend at college). We also have younger sons the same age. I asked her to go to breakfast one morning and there was no reply. I knew something was wrong because she always replies. I asked her to call me. She said I should know what was wrong. I told my former friend that I was not a "mind reader." She proceeded to tell me that I was keeping things from her. I asked her husband to help me out with my younger son because their younger son and my younger son were involved in the same activities for the week. I told him that my husband and middle son were out of town. (This son is the one that dates her daughter). She told me when I asked her husband for help that when I mentioned that my son was out of town that I should have told her that my son was visiting her daughter. I was baffled as to why she said this to me. We also traveled out of town to my nieces engagement party. She told me that I should have told her that her daughter was traveling with us. My son is 22 and her daughter is 20. I was not keeping anything from her and she insisted that I was. I was dumbfounded by the whole situation. I realized that it was her daughters place to tell her mom. I texted her again yesterday. It had been about a month since that first conversation. I asked her if we could discuss this situation again? No response. This still has me dumbfounded. Please respond! Help!!!
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-9):
ambermario4ever
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Don't know what to tell you. I think she is being unreasonable. First off your son is 22 and he doesn't have to tell you every where he is going anymore. So why she would assume that you knew (even if you did) i don't even get. As her daughter is a grown adult then it is no longer her business what her daughter is doing in her personal life as long as it isn't illegal. 

Donna5172
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:10 PM
Thank you. My son lives with myself and my husband and does tell us when he his going out of town. He also tells us where he is going when he leaves our house. He still lives with us but does this out of courtesy which I highly respect him for this. Thank you for your advise. I have to quit worrying about this. 😠
WendyJR
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this
She's taking her anger/frustration out on the wrong person. Her issue should be with her daughter not you. And even with her daughter she really has no say since her daughter is an adult. She's def overreacting.
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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:54 PM

I agree with the others.  The 2 children involved are adults so it is up to them to tell their parents what is going on.  Now if your son came to you worried about his gf's behavior or something, i would presume you would let her mom know if it was serious so she could get help.

mamav2215
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:10 PM

Um.... this should be an obvious answer because you have children in their 20's... but is she 16??? My god that sounds ridiculous. I understand her wanting to know what her daughter is up to but would she privy to that knowledge if her daughter was dating a stranger from college? I think it's actually important to keep your friendship with her seperate from your children's relationship because the likelihood that their relationship is going to last forever is small and if you're too involved... your relationship with your friend will also take a nosedive. And to just quit talking to you at her age is absolutely ridiculous. I'm 28 and if I have a problem with a friend that won't blow over on it's own... I call her and ask her about it. And if it were something stupid like this, and I felt I should get upset... I'd be smart enough to realize I'd get over feeling left out of the loop and never admit to you that I was upset... cause i'd look stupid. 

mamav2215
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:15 PM

Also... I can speak from slight experience (more from the daughter's side) . I dated my cousin's best friend on and off for years. my parents are really close to my aunt and uncle but have sort of differently lifestyles (my parents NEVER drink, they go to the bar and have a few beers with their adult kids and their friends by the fire occassionaly). SO usually we would hang out at their house when i'd be back from college or home on the weekends (when I lived out of town), but not always. My parents i know HATED this. When I was 22, I moved out of state, and we got back together, so when i'd come home for holidays I spend a lot of nights at his house. One night I lost my phone somewhere in his house and my parents kept calling. (mind you it was like 9am... not 1 in the afternoon, thinking I died in a car crash on my way home) and they started calling my aunt and uncle and cousins. (we weren't even at their house). I don't really think my parents so much got mad at my aunt and  uncle for being mor ein the know but I know they'd pressure my aunt for details on our relationship or what we were up to. I WAS 22 YEARS OLD, living on my own. I think it's hard to know someone else knows more about what their kid is doing than themselves. But it goes with the territory of having an adult child out of the home.  I hope your friend backs off you and her daughter, because I will say it just made me resent my parents during the time and refuse to discuss my relationship with them.

Donna5172
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:57 PM
Thank you. With the way things are I cannot even imagine a wedding and my son marrying into this family. As said "when you get married you marry the family also"
Donna5172
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:59 PM
Yes I would! Excellent point!! Thank you!
Donna5172
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 6:07 PM
Thanks for the reply. Her daughter is 20 and I have reached out all I can to my friend or former friend. She does not respond so the ball is in her court. I respect my son and do not pry into his business unless it turned into some type of situation that I feel like I needed to.
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