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UPDATE!!!!! Need Advice!!! DH doesn't understand what's going on!!

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 7:47 PM
  • 34 Replies
I recently have birth to our first baby. He is a month old. My husband and I have been married for 7 months now.
Since DS was 2 weeks we have done nothing but fight! He says I'm controlling everything with the baby and he hates that I talk to my mom so much.
The biggest fights are over sex and that I'm breast feeding.. He doesn't understand that I'm still in pain from giving birth. I had a great recovery and don't feel alot of pain but the inside of my girly parts... Yeah they hurt!
And the breast feeding. I can't even explain that one. I guess he feels like it adds on to me "controlling everything" and it's another thing he can't do. (Which IMO he can do everything else. This is the absolute only thing that only I can do for our son. So why not just let it be?!) I just don't know what to do. Every response turns into a fight.
Someone please give me some advice, I don't want my marriage to be ruined!

DH and I have talked multiple times since the original post. We are doing great and will probably be starting counseling soon. He actually told me today he is very proud of me for sticking with the breast feeding because he understands it is best for our son (: he said he is proud to call me his wife! I'm still not 100% done being mad but with counseling it will at least help us sort out disagreements
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 7:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Amy_M
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 7:53 PM

Well, the sex part is easy...You aren't suppose to have sex until at least 6 weeks post-partum, so tell him medically you shouldn't do it.

The other stuff, I'm not sure.  Sounds like you really need to sit down and talk to HIM.

ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Well... I don't know how to advise. I will say a lot of men feel kind of left out when there is a new baby.
emt088
by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 7:56 PM
Sounds like you're both just stressed and tired with a new baby. Dh and I fought like cats and dogs right after the baby. Just stress and lack of intimacy. Sit down with him and talk it out. And give it a few months. You'll both adjust
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BokanoMomma
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:02 PM
I get the 6 weeks cause I listen to my doctor lol but he doesn't understand it when he googles it and finds thousands of posts from girls who did it sooner.. :/
RoseWall
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:14 PM

hugs

mommy2boys03
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Tell him that lots of those woman have also gone to their 6 week check up only to fine out they are pregnant again.  Woman are very fertile after giving birth.  As for the other tell him breast milk is best for your son and maybe try pumping some milk so he can feed your son from a bottle.  Sounds like he feels left out right now.

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:26 PM

i agree with the others.  Tell him to stop googling other girls since they could be flat out lying to make themselves look better.   Next check up with doctor have the doctor explain what is going on.  As for the breastfeeding, he needs to get over himself.  He could be helping around the house at that time or sitting next to you rubbing your shoulders while you nurse.. These first months can be a trial for any couple.

BokanoMomma
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:51 PM
It's not that I am worried about getting pregnant again. I got the Depo shot in the hospital and we would use condoms for sure right now if we did anything. It's really just the pain of it..
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:54 PM

I was on pelvic rest for 12-16 weeks and my labor was "clean" . I just had alot of pain there and my guy was very understanding.

Quoting BokanoMomma:

It's not that I am worried about getting pregnant again. I got the Depo shot in the hospital and we would use condoms for sure right now if we did anything. It's really just the pain of it..


xtwistedxlovex
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 8:55 PM
Okay, well has he noticed the many from women who hurt even after 6 weeks? I'm one of them. It hurt like crazy and we had to give up and wait longer. It's not at all uncommon, and if you say you hurt he needs to trust that you know your own damned body and respect that.

Sounds to me like he's jealous that you can bf and he can't. That's actually not uncommon.


Quoting BokanoMomma:

I get the 6 weeks cause I listen to my doctor lol but he doesn't understand it when he googles it and finds thousands of posts from girls who did it sooner.. :/
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