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One very unhappy momma right here! Update with the "talk" we had!

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:59 AM
  • 161 Replies
5 moms liked this

One of the rules in this house now that my son is 18, is that unless prior approval and we have knowledge of, there is to be no one in this house when we (dh and I) go to bed. I have made it clear to son that if he wants to go somewhere after we are in bed, that's fine, just lock up when he leaves. Well, last night, I kept hearing our dogs walking around the house. I could hear their nails on the hard floor and it is quite loud. It was about 1 AM when I hear this noise, so I come downstairs and I find my son and three women sitting in the living room. My son says, whats up homey? WTF? I told him, one, I am not your homey. Then I looked at those girls and said sorry girls but you must go now. Then I told the dogs to go nite-nite and I put them back in their kennels. When I came back into livingroom (kennels are in another room) They were all gone. Half hour later, my son comes back in. He sits down and I thought he was gonna apoligize, but he didnt. So I say to him after some silence, you know I am pissed right? He says yes. I said, you know you have broken my trust in you right? he says yes, then gets up and goes to his room. Nothing said the rest of the night and this morning, he has not said a word to me.

I dont know what to say to him. He broke a major rule in this house and i have no idea what to do about it. Ground him? Make him leave? Let it go? I havent even told my dh yet what happened as he was alseep when this all went down, so thinking I may wait until I speak with him when he gets home from work.

What would you momma's do?

Update:

So I did wait until dh got home from work and spoke with him first, got all my anger out BEFORE I talked to son. Son and I went all day without speaking, partly my fault cuase I knew it would not be pretty if I did it before dh got home to clam me down! LOL We started with the talk with, "this is how it goes here!" lol.......I asked son why he had these women in my home after I went to bed. And just as I suspected, the answer was just because. There was no danger with them, just wanting to hang out. I asked exactly who they were, since I had never seen them before. He said they were women he worked with. Got that out of the way quick. Then I addressed the "homey" comment. I told him how lucking he was that I didnt whip his ass right there and if they had still sitting there when I got back from pinning the dogs back up, all hell would have broke loose, so it was good he got them out of there like he did. I asked son to clarify to me what the rule is once dh and I go to bed. Son recited it so he knows how and why I have the rule, but I explained it yet again tohim. The reason for the rule is because I do not trust just anyone in our home. I must at least get an introduction and convo first, male or female! I told son that I thought we had a good thing going, with him being able to be the adult he wants to be with coming and  going like he needs and wants. I told him, I try to respect you, you must respect us. Goes both ways. I tlold him there are rules every where he may go, to live or not, and that he has to follow them, be it their my rules or someon else's. He knows the deal is if he dont like it he may go at any time. He actually got a little upset at the thought of knowing he must leave if he cant obey rules here but I told him, Hey, if we are to live together as adults now, not just mother and son, he must follow them. He kinda balked but I insisted that I could go back to treating him as if he was 15 instead of 18. I said I could ground him. I could take his key to MY home. I could change the locks and demand a certain time to be in this house. I told him I didnt want that  for him, so we will try one more time to be adults here in this house. He did apologize to me for the homey comment. When he started to giggle at it, I couldnt help but giggle too. He said he honestly didnt remember saying that to me, it must have been a reflex type of thing. Whatever kid. LOL

Thanks so much for you ladies commenting and backing me up on this. For those who dont quite understand because yours are still little, please save this post to your computer so you can refer back to it when yours are this age! LOL

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
NDADanceMom
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:04 AM
6 moms liked this
My 18 year old has very strict rules and if she doesn't follow them she can't be in my house. She goes to college and moves into her dorm in a few weeks. When she is home she must be in by midnight. No overnight guests. Keeps her room clean.
Is your son in school? If he hasn't graduated hs he shouldn't be coming and going at all hours. If he is in college have him live on campus
momdoes
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:06 AM

 

He has graduated high school but is going to attend a community college come Aug. and there is no dorm.

Quoting NDADanceMom:

My 18 year old has very strict rules and if she doesn't follow them she can't be in my house. She goes to college and moves into her dorm in a few weeks. When she is home she must be in by midnight. No overnight guests. Keeps her room clean.
Is your son in school? If he hasn't graduated hs he shouldn't be coming and going at all hours. If he is in college have him live on campus


 

Wicked.Jester
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:06 AM
34 moms liked this

I'd tell him if he does it again he can find another place to live.

And "what's up homey" wouldn't have flown with me.  I'd have smacked his mouth in front of his pretty girlfriends.

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:07 AM
2 moms liked this

I would ask why he broke the rule.  

momdoes
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:07 AM
5 moms liked this

 

Oh, trust me, I wanted to crawl on top of him and throttle his ass for that comment! I am givng thought to changing the locks on all the doors and him not having a key.

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

I'd tell him if he does it again he can find another place to live.

And "what's up homey" wouldn't have flown with me.  I'd have smacked his mouth in front of his pretty girlfriends.


 

momdoes
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:08 AM

 

It dont matter WHY. None of those girls were hurt nor he.

Quoting ScrChk23:

I would ask why he broke the rule.  


 

Wicked.Jester
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't go through the expense.  If he gets out of control he is 18 and you can have him removed.

I have an 18 and a 19 year old so I feel your pain.

You sound like a good mom who enforces the rules.  He just needs to be knocked back into his place, I am sure it will be fine.

Don't let him think the silent treatment bothers you though, just go about your business.  That will drive him nuts.

Quoting momdoes:


Oh, trust me, I wanted to crawl on top of him and throttle his ass for that comment! I am givng thought to changing the locks on all the doors and him not having a key.

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

I'd tell him if he does it again he can find another place to live.

And "what's up homey" wouldn't have flown with me.  I'd have smacked his mouth in front of his pretty girlfriends.




Wicked.Jester
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:10 AM

Why does that matter?

Quoting ScrChk23:

I would ask why he broke the rule.  


petie1104
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:11 AM
3 moms liked this
I'd have told him that if he can't follow your rules he can find somewhere to make his own rules. Of course, when he says he can't afford it or whatever other argument he could find, I would give him directions to the recruiters office.

Basically, I'm hoping my kids understand, that when they hit 18, living with me is a priveledge that can be revoked. Of course, I know that no matter what they say they understand now, what they do when they are 18 may not match up. Personally, I would have made him get a summer job until school started. Boredom always creates misbehavior.
momdoes
by Platinum Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:13 AM

 

He does work fulltime at the hospital.

Quoting petie1104:

I'd have told him that if he can't follow your rules he can find somewhere to make his own rules. Of course, when he says he can't afford it or whatever other argument he could find, I would give him directions to the recruiters office.

Basically, I'm hoping my kids understand, that when they hit 18, living with me is a priveledge that can be revoked. Of course, I know that no matter what they say they understand now, what they do when they are 18 may not match up. Personally, I would have made him get a summer job until school started. Boredom always creates misbehavior.


 

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