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IS IT JUST ME ?> I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:48 AM
  • 22 Replies

HI IM NEW HERE AND WELL I JUST WANTED TO SHARE

I AM A MOTHER OF TWO KIDS (3,7) WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK AND AM A PRETTY GOOD PERSON. I HAVE MY BF ITS ABOUT TO BE A YEAR AND HE HAS BEEN A MAJOR HELP BUT ALSO HAS HIS FLAWS. HE'LL BE FINE BUT THEN OUT OF NO WHERE HE WOULD WANT TO DRINK AND HANG OUT ( IN THE FRONT OF OUR HOUSE W NEIGHBORSALL NIGHT LIKE TILL FOUR AM) AND THATS FINE BUT WHEN I WORK ALL WEEK I WANT TO HAVE MY PPERSONAL TIME WITH HIM TOO. HE IS TAKING CARE OF MY KIDS NOT HIS BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN AND HE COOKS FOR THEM AND ME WHEN I GET HOME AND DOES MECHANICS ON THE SIDE. IAPPRECIATE ALL THAT I REALLY DO BUT WHEN HE DRINKS IT ALWAYS AROUND NIGHT TIME MY KIDS ARE SLEEP LIKE ONCE A WEEK HE BECOMES MEAN AND SAYS MEAN THINGS AND JUST CHANGES ALL TOGETHER AND WHEN HE SLEEPS IT OFF ITS LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AND WHAT HE SAYS DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING BUT I HAVE TO GO THREW IT ALL SOMETIMES I CANT EVEN SLEEP BECUASE HE IS JUST TOO GONE AND I GET WORRIED HE'LL DO SOMETHING STUPID. ALSO HE;LL TELL ME OHH IM STRESSED FOR THE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS WE HAVE SINCE HE HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY KIDS FOR THE SUMMER HE CANT WORK AS MUCH BUT YET WILL GO BUY TWO TWELVE PACKS THATS SAME NIGHT. MY CONCERNS ARE : AM I BEING UNAPPRECIATIVE AND SHOULD NOT WANT OR TRY TO TELL HIM HEY I NEED SOME ME TIME AND STABILITY.. JUST CUZ I COME HOME IT DOESNT MEAN U GET TO BE FREE EVERY SINGLE DAY AND EVERYTHING GETS PUT ON ME . OR AM I THE ONE THAT HAS TO SUCK IT UP AND JUST BE GRATFUL HE DRINKS IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE AND IS GREAT WITH THE KIDS. I GET SCARED CUZ OF THE THINGS HE SAYS WHILE HE IS DRUNK AND I JUST DONT WANT TO BE THE DUMMY AND WASTE MY TIME . THANKĀ  U

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AbbeysMom2013
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you need to just sit him down and express how you feel. I was in a relationship where he was mean when he would drink, he drank a lot more often. It didnt change and I left. Even if its only once I week , you deserve better.
orliesmom
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:58 AM

First you shuldnt type in all caps made your paragraph kind of hard to follow.

Second you should just sit with him and voice your concerns. Leave money out of it for now but just tell him you are worried about when he gets drunk. Tell him he can get mean sometimes.

My ex was like this as well. You guys are still early on in a relationship and he probably doesnt even realize theres anything wrong. My ex just got worse very verbally abusive and violent at times. After 6 years together I divorced him and moved out of state. Havent seen him in years.

MelanieJK
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:13 PM

You definitely need to have a talk about his behavior when he's drunk.      Mean is mean.     You don't get a pass because you're drunk.      And you don't get a pass by refusing to acknowledge or discuss it.    Period.

Coleen9767
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:17 PM

Demand no hard alcohol....unless he is out with his buddies and not coming home.... JUST Beer doesnt do that to a guy.

MelanieJK
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this

When you discuss things with him I think you should try to focus on one issue.    Don't let it expand into other things or bigger things until you get the core issue resolved.     He's going to naturally want the conversation to evolve into more subjective areas and away from areas where he knows he has a problem.      

Monkie-00
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:28 PM
4 moms liked this
hey remember your not married and you dont NEED him and really a year is not that long. here's one for you most people start being thier real self about that time so the question is ...is that someone are something you want around u and ur kids
seaturtle1
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:33 PM
1 mom liked this
My friend has a similar problem with her husband. He takes care of the bills and money. They are dead broke not a penny to there name. She will say we need groceries and he will say with what money dear we have none. But then come home with 2 cases of beer. I know he drinks because of stress at home and work. You need to ask him why he drinks and let him know how he is acting after he drinks. Tell him you are being hurt by him and that is not ok. Lay all your feelings out there on the table.
DJ619P
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:53 PM
2 moms liked this
I am sorry he's like that when he's drunk... A lot of people say drunk people show their true feelings... I would be careful.. As the other reply says... You aren't married.. Yes I understand the good points but I would be careful cause of the kids too.... Unfortunately I got myself into a situation w my husband who acts similar... He was way better in the begining.. Now he just does what he wants cause he knows I am kinda stuck... I can't afford two kids by myself right now and he's all for finding any excuse to say how broke we are but then spends all this money on drinks or concerts or the bar... Anyways I just wish I woulda left when I first got frustrated w it... People can change but you can't make them change.. You're unhappy w that behavior and I think you should try to talk to him.... But I don't think you should bite your tongue because its only gonna make you miserable if it keeps going, and you're unhappy they will be stressed more.... I am definitely here if you need to vent. Or whatever. Just be careful.. Let him know how you feel... Sometimes guys don't get it unless you lay it out straight for them... Smh...
HUNNIBUNNI777
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this
well i agree with all your advice's and alot of it is what i needed to hear a few of you did stay and try and work it out and in the long run IT didnt work out. I have spoken to him various times about it and he'll promise me certian things for a about a week and then its just goes out the window. I dont want something like that around my kids but then he tells me the kids have never seen him which is true becuase its always late night .. and then he says he doesnt see a big problem just becuase he stays home and doesnt go anywhere and ect...i thank you all i got to stick to my guns on this topic i just wanted to make sure i was in the right . i thought i was being unappreciative and maybe to strong. Im not used to having like a man MAN, i always had people that were mushy and easy going. so now i know even tho he takes care of my kids, cooks, and does things like a family i shouldnt tolerate his drinking even if its once a week . I had to say it like that so i can start being stronger. thank you all so much .
HUNNIBUNNI777
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:19 PM
this is exactly what my fear is ... him getting worse and just thinking im going to stay just becuase. you are right on point and its exactly what seems to be going on. He states he wants a child and all the good things i want to hear but to me its kinda sellfish to tell me these things and act another and then not even take in the things im trying to tell him that really affect me inside. Thank you for writing this and at the end i really dont want to miserable.
Quoting DJ619P:

I am sorry he's like that when he's drunk... A lot of people say drunk people show their true feelings... I would be careful.. As the other reply says... You aren't married.. Yes I understand the good points but I would be careful cause of the kids too.... Unfortunately I got myself into a situation w my husband who acts similar... He was way better in the begining.. Now he just does what he wants cause he knows I am kinda stuck... I can't afford two kids by myself right now and he's all for finding any excuse to say how broke we are but then spends all this money on drinks or concerts or the bar... Anyways I just wish I woulda left when I first got frustrated w it... People can change but you can't make them change.. You're unhappy w that behavior and I think you should try to talk to him.... But I don't think you should bite your tongue because its only gonna make you miserable if it keeps going, and you're unhappy they will be stressed more.... I am definitely here if you need to vent. Or whatever. Just be careful.. Let him know how you feel... Sometimes guys don't get it unless you lay it out straight for them... Smh...

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