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getting along with the co parent

Posted by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:04 AM
  • 20 Replies

I think I have fixed the issue with me and my oldest sons father not getting along. I told him I don't want to have contact with him unless it has to do with our son and only through text due to him verbally abusing me. He keeps telling me he doesn't want to meet at police station to do exchanges. I told him we will have to just follow the court order. I also told  him if he wants more time or time changes that he will have to file in court. I think that is good co-parenting. So that way he cannot fight with me when I am not giving him his own way. 

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tlynn28
by New Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:10 AM
I dont understand how people can be so verbally abusive to the person they had a child with. It seems to me he is a complete ass and if he is doing it in front of ur son I can't imagine how much damage that is doing. Have u showed the judge any of the verbal abuse he does. I kno some people who have gotten their rights completely taken away from them for being like that in front of the child
momdoes
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:12 AM

Again, that is not co-parenting. That is you shutting the father out, having all the control and not being flexible at all. In order to co-parent effectively, one must give, sometimes alot, for the sake of the kids. You my dear, need to look at this through your child's eyes instead of yours.

Trinityp1990
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:16 AM


I agree completely. Its selfish to put your kids in that situation to begin with. I always see it as there is three sides to every story and you say verbally abusive but by the looks of it he might be fustrated with the fact of you having all the control.  Sometimes you have to tough it out for the sake of your child. 

Quoting momdoes:

Again, that is not co-parenting. That is you shutting the father out, having all the control and not being flexible at all. In order to co-parent effectively, one must give, sometimes alot, for the sake of the kids. You my dear, need to look at this through your child's eyes instead of yours.



SnapIt
by Movin' on up on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:39 AM
Omg!!!
Thank you!!

I agree and was going to say something similar

And the parents wonder why the kids get screwed up.
Bitterness screws them up.
Competing screws them up
Pulling the kids away scews them up


Quoting momdoes:

Again, that is not co-parenting. That is you shutting the father out, having all the control and not being flexible at all. In order to co-parent effectively, one must give, sometimes alot, for the sake of the kids. You my dear, need to look at this through your child's eyes instead of yours.

AAP1988
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:43 AM

I always tell him he shouldn't treat me that way and we should get along for our son. But if someone doesn't want to get along with the other parent then thats on them you cannot make someone get along with you if they don't want to. 


Quoting tlynn28:

I dont understand how people can be so verbally abusive to the person they had a child with. It seems to me he is a complete ass and if he is doing it in front of ur son I can't imagine how much damage that is doing. Have u showed the judge any of the verbal abuse he does. I kno some people who have gotten their rights completely taken away from them for being like that in front of the child



AAP1988
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:44 AM

I am not shutting the father out at all. Following the co is not shutting a parent out. Following the co was the last resort for me. Until he started verbally harrassing me and abusing me in front of our child. That is on him. I cannot make someone get along with me if they do not want to. 


Quoting momdoes:

Again, that is not co-parenting. That is you shutting the father out, having all the control and not being flexible at all. In order to co-parent effectively, one must give, sometimes alot, for the sake of the kids. You my dear, need to look at this through your child's eyes instead of yours.



AAP1988
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:45 AM

I am not bitter or competitive. 


Quoting SnapIt:

Omg!!!
Thank you!!

I agree and was going to say something similar

And the parents wonder why the kids get screwed up.
Bitterness screws them up.
Competing screws them up
Pulling the kids away scews them up


Quoting momdoes:

Again, that is not co-parenting. That is you shutting the father out, having all the control and not being flexible at all. In order to co-parent effectively, one must give, sometimes alot, for the sake of the kids. You my dear, need to look at this through your child's eyes instead of yours.



momdoes
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:54 AM

 

All I will say is CO-PARENTING and COURT ORDER are two different things entirely. Your kids will benefit from you and dad knowing the difference, trust me on that one.

I too, had a court order (visitation, CS, etc) but that shit went out the window once we walked out of court. We did our own thing and our son is proof that when two adults CO-PARENT, the child reaps the benefits!

Quoting AAP1988:

I am not shutting the father out at all. Following the co is not shutting a parent out. Following the co was the last resort for me. Until he started verbally harrassing me and abusing me in front of our child. That is on him. I cannot make someone get along with me if they do not want to. 

 

Quoting momdoes:

Again, that is not co-parenting. That is you shutting the father out, having all the control and not being flexible at all. In order to co-parent effectively, one must give, sometimes alot, for the sake of the kids. You my dear, need to look at this through your child's eyes instead of yours.

 

 

 

 

tlynn28
by New Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:55 AM
Ok for one thing yall shouldn't be attacking her there is obviously a reason she had to go thru the court in the first place. She has a right to put limits on it for the safety of herself and her child. If he is the agressor and does it infront of their kid than I understand why she is doing it. Co parenting is difficult when the other person is abusive. You get stuck bcas even tho u kno it is not safe to be around the other person u also have to let ur child have a relationship with them. I get where she is coming from and attacking her unless u kno the whole story is not right


Quoting momdoes:

Again, that is not co-parenting. That is you shutting the father out, having all the control and not being flexible at all. In order to co-parent effectively, one must give, sometimes alot, for the sake of the kids. You my dear, need to look at this through your child's eyes instead of yours.


dawncs
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:59 AM

As long as you follow the court order, you are not in contempt in the judge's eyes. Judges like it when parents follow the court orders when it comes to custody since it takes away their time in helping other parents establish things like a new child support order for a baby.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

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