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How would you handle it?

Posted by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:18 AM
  • 4 Replies

Hello ladies. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my relationship with my dad. We have become sort of estranged and honestly I blame his wife. Here is my story:

I was 20 when I got pregnant with my DD in 2010 and had her when I was 21. When I found out I was pregnant, I was scared at first because I didn't know how my parents would react. I was with DH who was then my DF. He came with me to tell my parents and the only one who said anything was my stepmother. She told me I had to find somewhere else to live, in front of my father who said nothing. Luckily, DH and his parents took me in. When I was 5 months pregnant, I moved my stuff to DH's parents house with no help and when my dad saw me moving, he told me I didn't have to leave. Well that's when I told him, he needed to talk to his wife because she made it more than clear she wanted me out.

When I went into labor with DD, I called my dad to let him know and all he said was "Ok". He didn't go to the hospital until my mother, who came up to NJ from FL for the birth, called him and told him that there were complications and that he needed to be there. That hurt and still does today. Since then, my father has been trying to force a relationship on me and his wife, and it clearly isn't going to happen. About a year ago, me, my father and stepmother, got into a huge argument that led to me leaving because it escalated to a negative very quick and my daughter was brought up. 

My stepmother essentially hates me because I got pregnant and was even bad mouthing me to DF while she was holding my DD in NICU, which sent me over the edge. I have to relationship with my stepmother anymore nor do I have the intention of having one with her, yet my father can't seem to accept that. He acts like everything is fine. DH, DD and I recently went to a bday party for their youngest "son" and my SM acted like we didn't even exist, so I left it and her alone. 

Well today is my SM bday and my father is pressuring me to call her. I refuse to do so and he just can't seem to see where I'm coming from. The way I see it, is that he chose her over me, his only child and his only daughter and he didn't stick up for me or say anything when we told them I was pregnant. I have tried talking to my father, but either he is at work or the time is never right. He never comes around, yet he wants me to go his house, which I will not do if my stepmother is around. Now granted, we now live 30 mins away from him as opposed to being 5 mins away, but since we've moved, my father has come to my place twice and has only seen DD maybe six times in the last three years.

Whenever we have a party or get together, I always invite them. My stepmother never comes. She only ever came to my baby shower and to DD's first bday. But since then, I haven't seen her except for the bday party this passed weekend. I try to have my dad involved with DD's life, but Idk it just seems like he doesn't even want to try and it's hurting me in the process. What would you do? Would you keep trying or just give up? Before I got pregnant, I always had a great relationship with my dad, he was the reason I moved to NJ. Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated and please no bashing.  

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by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:18 AM
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Replies (1-4):
terpmama
by Gold Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Maybe a letter? Explain your feelings and give specific examples.

momdoes
by Platinum Member on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:25 AM

I would be more adult about it all, even more adult than her (SM). You both sound like you are being spiteful and both of you are fighting for your father's appeoval, effection, etc. He is only one man and the relationship with the both of you should be different than the other woman's. Be the adult daughter, and maybe she will be the adult stepmom.

1st_time_mom789
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:25 AM

I've actually been thinking about that. Should I actually send it to him in the mail, give it to him personally or just keep it and write the letter to let my feelings out?

Quoting terpmama:

Maybe a letter? Explain your feelings and give specific examples.


ProudMomma1217
by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 11:41 AM

I've had to do the same thing. I would say send it in the mail. If he's anything like my dad he'll argue with you about it before even reading it!


Quoting 1st_time_mom789:

I've actually been thinking about that. Should I actually send it to him in the mail, give it to him personally or just keep it and write the letter to let my feelings out?

Quoting terpmama:

Maybe a letter? Explain your feelings and give specific examples.




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