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My daughter dis-owned me!

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 7:47 AM
  • 34 Replies
2 moms liked this

 

Poll

Question: What should I do with a daughter who dis-owned me???

Options:

Do what I can to open communications??

Finish living my own life without my family??

Move away from all of them??


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 70

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I have had trouble with a grown daughter for the last ten years. She got pregnant ten years ago and I was told the baby belonged to a particular guy, we were even planning a wedding. She all of the sudden said the baby belonged to a different guy. She wound up marrying the 2nd guy after having two more kids with him. So let me fill in the blanks.... I got to be friends with the first guys mother and sister planning the wedding all was fine. She had the baby and he had problems, stopped breathing and so I went to a childrens hospital with him, she had to stay the night at the hospital where she delivered and she came the next day. While I was at Childrens Hospital, the sister came and I let her in to see her nephew. I heard everything up and down my back from my daughter about letting the girl see her nephew.... well this is where she told me the baby didn't belong to the first guy. How can a daughter yell so much at her mother???? I was near her house so I stopped by to see my grandson, the "second" guy was there and not my daughter and he would not let me in to see him, he held the door open only a slight bit and I gave up and left. I was not welcome at their home while he was there, my daughter said for me to call to make sure he wasn't home in order to see the baby. Fast forward my daughter was getting mad at me for everything... she told me during birthday parties to sit in the corner and not say a word since I didn't know how to talk. My health was failing, I lost my house to the bank, moved to a small apt and found out I needed major surgery. While in the hospital, my daughter worked for a company that brought her to the hospital I was in and she couldn't even stick her head in the door to see how I was doing but she did ask the nurse so I should take that one with a grain of salt. That time it was well over a year before we spoke again. Then I hear she is getting married to the 2nd guy after having her third child and I was not going to be invited until her father talked to her and she gave me the same lecture about sitting in a corner and not talking to anyone, I went anyway just so I can see one of my daughters get married. Present time... I just got out of the hospital, since my last surgery I keep getting pulmanary embolisms and I have problems regulating my blood. Boy listen to this one she and my other daughter called the hospital and they told the nurse there that I need to be "put away" .. omg ... that really hurt. I dropped her a note that since she doesn't want anything to do with me, to stop interfereing in my life. Of course she had to respond and say that I have been interfereing in her life since Kindergarden ... WHAT... isn't that parenting??? Anyway she has her sisters on her side and I'm by myself, so I look for forums like this to vent on ... sorry! What should I do with her and her sisters, I am going to miss out on their lives as well as my 5 grandchildren. ohhhhh what to do?????
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 7:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mama2JoshKatie
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 8:13 AM
8 moms liked this

What are they all mad at you about? This whole thing can't just be about letting the guys sister see the baby. I feel like there is a lot being left out here. I'm sorry you're going through this though.

Judy606
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I would say let them know how you feel and see what happens. If they respond then they care and they will come around again but if they don't then let it go live the rest of your life and hope all ends well.... They will eventually need their mom and they will come find you and ask for your help so let them be the grown women they are and ignore what they say.  Sometimes children dont know that parents know what is best for them and maybe have someone else more their age(s) talk to them and explain what happens when mom is no longer around and their sister(s) are no longer going to be on their side..... If you would like i could talk to them for you just let me know their names and if they have facebook pages.... I would be more then happy to talk to them. bunch of roses

supercarp
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 4:18 PM
4 moms liked this

I feel there are things left out, such as the reason your daughter says you don't know how to talk. If you are talking out of turn or making her feel guilty, you may have painted yourself into a corner as far as seeing your grandchildren.

You raised these girls: they didn't turn mean out of nowhere. All of your personal problems are not going to make them feel sorry for you or get you back in their good graces. Get counseling, for your sake.

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this
What happened between you and your daughter for her to want you to sit down shut up and stay in a corner?
kidlover2
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 4:28 PM
2 moms liked this
Stop playing the victim and seek counseling. You are not the innocent one in the bunch.... You aren't the only wrong one either, but you can only fix yourself.
mom_dl6
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 4:45 PM

WOW i'm sorry you're dealing with that. i say get help for you and move on if they want a healthy relationship they'll reach out ,if not well theres your answer.   I do agree though with the other Moms here that "SOMETHING" had to of happened between you and her/them for all the angry behavior towards you......Good Luck Momma i hope it all works out and you can be happy :0)

                         


NDADanceMom
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 7:03 PM
5 moms liked this
I suggest talking honestly with a therapist. I think you are in denial about your role in this situation.
MessedUpMama
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 10:16 PM

Well, if it's just as you say, and you are not leaving out something important, then I'd say all you can do is go on with your life as best as you can. Let them know that you are there for them if they ever need you, that you love them no matter what. Let people who know all of you know that you would welcome contact with your children and grandchildren when they are ready. Then go on with our life until they decide to contact you.

I might decide to send birthday cards, maybe gift cards or money for a gift if I knew the birthdays for the grandkids. (I'm thinking you might not know them all since your daughters don't talk to you.) Or maybe start a trust account for them that you deposit some money in for special occations, like birthdays, holidays and graduations for each of them. Depending on your financial situation.

If there is more to this, then I think you know what you have to do and no one else can help you because we don't know all the details.

Good Luck and take care.

happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 11:30 PM
2 moms liked this

Honestly, you sound like my mom.  She wants me to feel sorry for her with her health problems and such but the fact of the matter is- the whole time I have been alive, I cannot remember my mother ever saying one nice word about me.  Even when she talks about my  birth, pregnancy and infancy- she only has negative things to say! She says she wanted me but honestly, I never felt like she did.  

I feel like there is something you are leaving out of this post.  What have you done to make your daughters feel this way?  

I have very little to do with my family, partly because of my own actions (I was an angry mean teenager) but also because of their actions (the way I was treated and their inability to forgive and move forward).  My family and I both contributed to the break down in our relationship.  However, it takes both of us to fix it too. I'm not sure I want to fix it honestly though.  I get tired of hearing about the past.  

I'm positive that you have done something along the way (even if you didn't realize it) to make your children feel this way!

SissyAnn141
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by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 11:40 PM
2 moms liked this

 

       I have learned, there are 3 sides to a situation/STORY.

      The 2 person's and the truth in the middle.

           

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