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I'm in need of a lot of help!

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 12:52 AM
  • 28 Replies
My story is long, but I'll try to make it very short. First of all, I'm new, so hello! Second, I'm a single mother of two amazing children. My son's nine and my daughter's six. When my daughter was two, she told me that her she'd wake up with her daddy's hand down her diaper all the time, along with several stories. I confronted him and she said she's lying. Again, she was two, so really hard to believe that she knew how to lie about something that serious. I tried to get help, unsuccessful, so I stopped visits and took my children to another state. Last February, I had to go back for custody. I found out today that he gets her one week a summer, and even though school starts Monday, he wants her right now. My lawyer told me that there's nothing I can do, but that's ridiculous!!! I need help. I was in tears for hours when I found out and my kids were very concerned, and I don't keep anything from my children. When I told them, they were both hysterical, and my daughter asked what to do if he is inappropriate with her again. I might add that her memory is amazing as well. She still remembers everything that happened and has since been in therapy and still has very sexually inappropriate behaviors. She needs more counseling, but I need to figure out how to stop this from happening!


Just wanted to thank everybody for their ideas and support. I've been in contract with plenty of people now, including Florida police. I went today to get a protection order, and there is an open investigation, so he legally cannot have my daughter. I'm pretty satisfied. :)
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 12:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Did you ever call police when you found out about this?  I would think you could get something to keep him away.   I would tell him and the lawyers that school is about to start up so no he can not have her.   Teach her how to call 911 when anyone touches her inappropriately right away.   I am with you that a 2 yr old would not lie about that type of stuff.   Also if it interferes with her treatment that could be another reason to ban the visitation.

bjacaic
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 1:07 AM
I didn't know where to start, so I took her to the doctor for an examination, but they flat out refused, saying she's too young. They told me to keep an eye out for it. I didn't think the police would be able to do anything without proof from the doctor. When I moved, I was told to contact the authorities. I did and they basically said I was lying about it, and there's nothing they can do about it now. I don't know much about the laws, I've never been to jail or had to deal with the law, but I know that there is no time limit on prosecuting a molester. I reminded my lawyer that school is starting and she said it doesn't matter. My child's education doesn't matter? The counselor that saw my daughter before said based on what my daughter told her, she would not recommend visitation unless my daughter is comfortable with it, and it should be supervised for a very limited time, or it could further traumatize her. The court system in Iowa sucks, that's all there is to it.
KhloesMom2009
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 1:19 AM

I'm sorry to know that you're strugging with so many different things. That's tough. I think that you'll eventually find a good group and a lot of support here. I've come to realize there are a lot of really nice people on this site who can be very helpful.

Hartbrayka
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 1:21 AM

 Get your 9 yr old a cell phone, and make sure "daddy" doesn't know.  If dd is having a problem, tell big bro and have him call 911 and then mommy right away.  If it is state ordered, you have no choice which really sucks. 

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Aug. 17, 2013 at 9:17 AM

This is well said.  Did you make the court aware of the initial accusations?  Also, let your attorney know about the concerns that your children are having.  They are old enough to speak on their own behalf and voice what their specific concerns are.

Quoting frndlyfn:

Did you ever call police when you found out about this?  I would think you could get something to keep him away.   I would tell him and the lawyers that school is about to start up so no he can not have her.   Teach her how to call 911 when anyone touches her inappropriately right away.   I am with you that a 2 yr old would not lie about that type of stuff.   Also if it interferes with her treatment that could be another reason to ban the visitation.


bjacaic
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:27 AM
My daughter will go alone, they've got different fathers, so they're expecting me to send her on a plane alone. I told the judge why I refuse to let him see her, and I've told my lawyer. They have disappointed me in so many ways, so I'm seeking legal help in Florida. That's not going my way either. Thanks everybody.
FireMoonGypsy
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 5:16 PM

That makes no sense. He just all of a sudden demanded her?? Shouldn't he have to give at least a week's notice?? Why can't your lawyer push that, that the man can't just drop in unexpectedly and demand his daughter? 

What are the psychologists saying about the abuse? Are they claiming she is telling the truth? Can't you use that in your favor to push for a suspension of visitation rights until the situation is cleared? 

"The truth is not always beautiful, nor beautiful words the truth" - Lao Tzu

FireMoonGypsy
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 5:19 PM

What?! They are forcing you to send her ALONE on a plane?!! She's how old?!!? 2 still!!?!? That is an outrage! I thought you couldn't even FLY alone until you were 10 or 11!!!! 

Fight this. Inform the lawyers and courts what has been happening, and if  your lawyer isn't well versed in figuring out how to make the system work for your daughter, it might be time to find a new lawyer. 


romanceparty4u
by Ruby Member on Aug. 17, 2013 at 5:22 PM

I'd tell him if he want's to see her, he's responsible for picking her up and bringing her home, as she is too young to fly alone. He's also responsible for paying for the transportation--you are not.

bjacaic
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 5:39 PM
She's six now. I had talked to a detective in Iowa, where this happened, and he tried to get records from the counselors and they said unless they're subpoenaed from the courts, they're not releasing information because of confidentiality. I signed a release, but haven't heard anything back. School starts Monday, but my lawyer in Iowa said that's irrelevant. Yea I'm getting a new lawyer, searching as we speak for a new one in Florida. I'm not sending my daughter even if he paid for expenses. She started bawling once I told her, asking what to do if it happens again. I told her not to worry about that yet, because I'm not sending her. My lawyer just said that if I don't comply, I'll be in contempt of court. Apparently the judge said he gets her one week in the summer, but summer is over. I also believe that her education shouldn't suffer just because he isn't getting things his way. My kids have always had nearly perfect attendance in school. That doesn't change the fact that the counselor said that she should only get visitations when and if she's comfortable with it because unwanted exposure with the alleged abuser could cause more harm.
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