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Letting your kids quit.... Update

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:03 AM
  • 66 Replies

My daughter is a national level competition dancer.  She has competed against kids that are semi finalists on Americas Got Talent, girls from Dance Moms and won several national titles.  All of this comes with a huge investment of time and money obviously.  Not only is it a huge part of her life but its a huge part of mine.  I hang out with the other dance moms, we travel around the country together, we are like one big family.

My daughter is also a very talented ballet dancer.  She has been hinting to me that she would rather start training for the grand prix in ballet and drop competition.  She is 11 and preparing to start pointe.  This week is auditions for both competition line and the corps de ballet.  She can not do both, they both require a 15 hour a week commitment.  During the audition process because she is trying both she has been dancing from 9 to 5 everyday.  Last night she told me that she has decided she is going to focus on ballet and is auditioning for the lead in her dance academy's winter ballet.  

Im shocked.  After 5 years on the competition team she is done!  I want to tell her no because Im not done but I always said it was her choice.  Im really sad and its hard to hide it.  

Would you encourage your child do stick with an activity because its something you do together or do you just let it go?

I told the studio she wanted to focus on ballet.  audition results came out yesterday and she was placed on the competition team anyway.  Her issue was really that she liked the ballet side people better and felt unwanted on the elite comp team.  The coach and the other girls are all 18-15 years old and my daughter is 11.  This year there are 2 coaches.  The second coach is the ballet mistress, who is the studio owner.  She has a PhD in fine arts, cecchetti certified ballet mistress and has choreographed on broadway. She will coach my daughters team.  This group of girls are younger which is better socially but they are not as advanced which is bad.  My daughter is a soloist for competition so she will be pushed on those routines.  She was sad not to get the ballet part but takes auditions like a pro.  She was pleased and thanked the owner for the opportunity.  

I cant say Im sad she wont be on a team but I was willing to let her focus on ballet.  She will be taking ballet 3 hours a week and training to go into pointe. 

by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
schultzal
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:10 AM
1 mom liked this
I would just let it go, if it was like your situation.

If my daughter just wanted to quit, flat out, I'm not sure what I would do.
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Sister_Someone
by Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:36 AM

I would talk to my child and find out exactly why he wants to quit (e.g. is someone bullying him or is he just fed up). If the reason was something I thought could be resolved, I would suggest ways to resolve it, but the final decision woul be his to make.

NDADanceMom
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:41 AM


Quoting Sister_Someone:

I would talk to my child and find out exactly why he wants to quit (e.g. is someone bullying him or is he just fed up). If the reason was something I thought could be resolved, I would suggest ways to resolve it, but the final decision woul be his to make.

She feels the teacher (17 years old, but #1 dancer in the nation right now) favors other students and ignores her.  She doesnt get proper corrections or attention according to her but the ballet mistress has been after Katherine for a long time.  I think my daughter wants to be the star and in competition line she is just average in her group.  If you watch dance moms she compares herself to the little african american girl.  She seems to be filler in an amazing team and tolerated by the teacher. 

In ballet she is treated like a star and is easily the most talented at the school.

Rather than being the lowest member of a bunch of super stars she will be a super star in a more reserved group.  

bzzybeemomof3
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:07 AM

 I would let her quit.

If that is what she wants. TELL HER IF SHE QUITS THIS YEAR BUT HAS SECONDS THOUGHTS BY NEXT YEAR YOU CAN OPEN THE CONVO AGAIN AND RE-DECIDE...(omg srry caps lol ) if she wants to go back in. kwim?

My Aunt wouldnt allow my little cousin to quit figure skating after so many years and so much money, but my cousin jsut made it very miserable when it came time to go, she eventually alowed her to quit.

Cmgmqmmom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:09 AM
2 moms liked this
It sound like she knows what she wants. Let her quit.
RheaF
by Sweet Insanity on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:13 AM

 She wants to focus on something she really loves instead of doing both? Let her quit competition. If the other Dance Moms are really your friends, you will all find time for each other outside of your children's dance stuff.

Chasing3
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:23 AM

i'd let her do what she wants. Competition in and of itself is really tough on kids (in any sport or activity). They can burn out really easily when the competition and the stakes are high. It sounds like she is realy self-aware and realizes the ballet is more about her hard work and less about a win. Does that make sense?

quickbooksworm
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:23 AM

Well considering ballet is respectable and competitive dance, well I have absolutely nothing good to say about competitive dance but it's certainly not respected, so I'd have no problem with the switch personally.

There is no reason she can't still be friends with the other girls and no reason you can't still be friends with their moms.  If there is a chance for her to focus on something that will benefit her more, I'm not sure why you would hold her back.  She isn't quitting dance, just team to focus on another aspect of dance.  There are more options for ballet dancers later in life.

coupon_ash_back
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:24 AM
I'm not into forcing my kids to do what they obviously don't want to do.
asmalltowngirl
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:25 AM
Let her quit. She will not enjoy something that you force her to do
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