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advice?

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 12:41 PM
  • 10 Replies
Ok so recently my fiance of 6yrs. Has made several comments to me about my kids & I'm hurt deeply by his words. He has said "It's NOT my job to raise your kids".. "I'm YOUR man not your kids dad they have one of their own" & It's not my job to stress over your kids"... now he has 3 kids of his own that I've helped him raise I've stood by him tride & true done for his kids when I worked (now I'm stay at home mom but since they are back in sch. I'm getting a job so I don't have to ask this man for jack crap) I have 4 kids from my previous marriage he new this when he got with me. I really don't ask him to do for my kids what he does do he offers most of the time. My kids bio father was always an awsome dad but within the past yr. Hes got a new woman plus his father passed so he does nothing for them now he got way over 17 thousand dollars & blew it... never bought our kids 1 thing.. so recently I've told him if he doesn't step up again then I'm stepping to the court house for child support. & on top of all this my fiance moves his oldest son in who 18 with his 2 yr. Old baby & his girlfriend whom is pregnant again... I tell him I don't know how I feel about it & his reply is "WELL YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Oh I was so pissed I went off.... what do u guys think about him saying this stuff about my kids we're supposed to marry in Sept. 2014 but... Is it ok for a step dad to feel this way? Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Ok so recently my fiance of 6yrs. Has made several comments to me about my kids & I'm hurt deeply by his words. He has said "It's NOT my job to raise your kids".. "I'm YOUR man not your kids dad they have one of their own" & It's not my job to stress over your kids"... now he has 3 kids of his own that I've helped him raise I've stood by him tride & true done for his kids when I worked (now I'm stay at home mom but since they are back in sch. I'm getting a job so I don't have to ask this man for jack crap) I have 4 kids from my previous marriage he new this when he got with me. I really don't ask him to do for my kids what he does do he offers most of the time. My kids bio father was always an awsome dad but within the past yr. Hes got a new woman plus his father passed so he does nothing for them now he got way over 17 thousand dollars & blew it... never bought our kids 1 thing.. so recently I've told him if he doesn't step up again then I'm stepping to the court house for child support. & on top of all this my fiance moves his oldest son in who 18 with his 2 yr. Old baby & his girlfriend whom is pregnant again... I tell him I don't know how I feel about it & his reply is "WELL YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Oh I was so pissed I went off.... what do u guys think about him saying this stuff about my kids we're supposed to marry in Sept. 2014 but... Is it ok for a step dad to feel this way? Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Ok so recently my fiance of 6yrs. Has made several comments to me about my kids & I'm hurt deeply by his words. He has said "It's NOT my job to raise your kids".. "I'm YOUR man not your kids dad they have one of their own" & It's not my job to stress over your kids"... now he has 3 kids of his own that I've helped him raise I've stood by him tride & true done for his kids when I worked (now I'm stay at home mom but since they are back in sch. I'm getting a job so I don't have to ask this man for jack crap) I have 4 kids from my previous marriage he new this when he got with me. I really don't ask him to do for my kids what he does do he offers most of the time. My kids bio father was always an awsome dad but within the past yr. Hes got a new woman plus his father passed so he does nothing for them now he got way over 17 thousand dollars & blew it... never bought our kids 1 thing.. so recently I've told him if he doesn't step up again then I'm stepping to the court house for child support. & on top of all this my fiance moves his oldest son in who 18 with his 2 yr. Old baby & his girlfriend whom is pregnant again... I tell him I don't know how I feel about it & his reply is "WELL YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Oh I was so pissed I went off.... what do u guys think about him saying this stuff about my kids we're supposed to marry in Sept. 2014 but... Is it ok for a step dad to feel this way? Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Ok so recently my fiance of 6yrs. Has made several comments to me about my kids & I'm hurt deeply by his words. He has said "It's NOT my job to raise your kids".. "I'm YOUR man not your kids dad they have one of their own" & It's not my job to stress over your kids"... now he has 3 kids of his own that I've helped him raise I've stood by him tride & true done for his kids when I worked (now I'm stay at home mom but since they are back in sch. I'm getting a job so I don't have to ask this man for jack crap) I have 4 kids from my previous marriage he new this when he got with me. I really don't ask him to do for my kids what he does do he offers most of the time. My kids bio father was always an awsome dad but within the past yr. Hes got a new woman plus his father passed so he does nothing for them now he got way over 17 thousand dollars & blew it... never bought our kids 1 thing.. so recently I've told him if he doesn't step up again then I'm stepping to the court house for child support. & on top of all this my fiance moves his oldest son in who 18 with his 2 yr. Old baby & his girlfriend whom is pregnant again... I tell him I don't know how I feel about it & his reply is "WELL YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Oh I was so pissed I went off.... what do u guys think about him saying this stuff about my kids we're supposed to marry in Sept. 2014 but... Is it ok for a step dad to feel this way? Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Ok so recently my fiance of 6yrs. Has made several comments to me about my kids & I'm hurt deeply by his words. He has said "It's NOT my job to raise your kids".. "I'm YOUR man not your kids dad they have one of their own" & It's not my job to stress over your kids"... now he has 3 kids of his own that I've helped him raise I've stood by him tride & true done for his kids when I worked (now I'm stay at home mom but since they are back in sch. I'm getting a job so I don't have to ask this man for jack crap) I have 4 kids from my previous marriage he new this when he got with me. I really don't ask him to do for my kids what he does do he offers most of the time. My kids bio father was always an awsome dad but within the past yr. Hes got a new woman plus his father passed so he does nothing for them now he got way over 17 thousand dollars & blew it... never bought our kids 1 thing.. so recently I've told him if he doesn't step up again then I'm stepping to the court house for child support. & on top of all this my fiance moves his oldest son in who 18 with his 2 yr. Old baby & his girlfriend whom is pregnant again... I tell him I don't know how I feel about it & his reply is "WELL YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Oh I was so pissed I went off.... what do u guys think about him saying this stuff about my kids we're supposed to marry in Sept. 2014 but... Is it ok for a step dad to feel this way? Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Ok so recently my fiance of 6yrs. Has made several comments to me about my kids & I'm hurt deeply by his words. He has said "It's NOT my job to raise your kids".. "I'm YOUR man not your kids dad they have one of their own" & It's not my job to stress over your kids"... now he has 3 kids of his own that I've helped him raise I've stood by him tride & true done for his kids when I worked (now I'm stay at home mom but since they are back in sch. I'm getting a job so I don't have to ask this man for jack crap) I have 4 kids from my previous marriage he new this when he got with me. I really don't ask him to do for my kids what he does do he offers most of the time. My kids bio father was always an awsome dad but within the past yr. Hes got a new woman plus his father passed so he does nothing for them now he got way over 17 thousand dollars & blew it... never bought our kids 1 thing.. so recently I've told him if he doesn't step up again then I'm stepping to the court house for child support. & on top of all this my fiance moves his oldest son in who 18 with his 2 yr. Old baby & his girlfriend whom is pregnant again... I tell him I don't know how I feel about it & his reply is "WELL YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Oh I was so pissed I went off.... what do u guys think about him saying this stuff about my kids we're supposed to marry in Sept. 2014 but... Is it ok for a step dad to feel this way? Any advice or help would be much appreciated. Ok so recently my fiance of 6yrs. Has made several comments to me about my kids & I'm hurt deeply by his words. He has said "It's NOT my job to raise your kids".. "I'm YOUR man not your kids dad they have one of their own" & It's not my job to stress over your kids"... now he has 3 kids of his own that I've helped him raise I've stood by him tride & true done for his kids when I worked (now I'm stay at home mom but since they are back in sch. I'm getting a job so I don't have to ask this man for jack crap) I have 4 kids from my previous marriage he new this when he got with me. I really don't ask him to do for my kids what he does do he offers most of the time. My kids bio father was always an awsome dad but within the past yr. Hes got a new woman plus his father passed so he does nothing for them now he got way over 17 thousand dollars & blew it... never bought our kids 1 thing.. so recently I've told him if he doesn't step up again then I'm stepping to the court house for child support. & on top of all this my fiance moves his oldest son in who 18 with his 2 yr. Old baby & his girlfriend whom is pregnant again... I tell him I don't know how I feel about it & his reply is "WELL YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT! Oh I was so pissed I went off.... what do u guys think about him saying this stuff about my kids we're supposed to marry in Sept. 2014 but... Is it ok for a step dad to feel this way? Any advice or help would be much appreciated.
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 12:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kaylasmom22
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 12:46 PM
1 mom liked this

My advice (althought I didn't read it all)he is nor ready or willing to accept your kids as his own therefore I would not marry him.

Trina8687
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 12:55 PM
Sorry it posted like 4 times for some reason. & what I don't understand is he never said this stuff in the past..
kaylasmom22
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:22 PM
Try and edit the post,its too long so no one will answer it.

Quoting Trina8687:

Sorry it posted like 4 times for some reason. & what I don't understand is he never said this stuff in the past..
outtamymynd
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:27 PM
It is okay for him to think that way, if that's how he feels. Although, the wedding would be off and he would be out the door. Your kids deserve better.
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RADmomma
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 4:08 PM
There's no way I would marry him. He's right he is not their father but you & your children are a package deal & if that is how he views your family then that's not going to change.
JoyfulMemories
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi Trina.  I'm sure sorry to hear this, you must have been upset posting this 4 times!  (j/k)  wink miniComputers are sometimes a blessing and sometimes just makes you want to throw them out the window!

Sounds like you have a busy household right now. Kids in school, teen ager coming back with pregnant girlfriend and toddler, WOW!  I'll be praying over that situation, I'm sure it would cause me some major stress.

First things, first.  The comment regarding your kids by your finance is concerning. Before you decide to spend the rest of your lives together perhaps you should seek some pre-martial counseling.  Usually a local church will provide that.  If you have trusted friend's or family member's to help you out watching the children, while the two of you get some help. You mentioned that these things are a more recent occurrence, what else is going on in your lives?  If he does things and shows he cares for your kids and you, what factors are causing this reaction?  Again, counseling will help you two get to the root of the issues.

With that being said, it is very loving and gracious for your and your finance to have his son, girlfriend and toddler come stay with you. One suggestion - be sure you set some firm boundaries before they move in.  I'm sure they will want their space but your family will need that as well.  Be mindful of what might cause concern and address how the two of you (you and your finance) will handle it together!

Marriage and parenting can be a very difficult  journey but the abundant blessings are well worth the struggles!  God bless you as you seek His face for comfort and guidance!  God Bless you! 

((HUGS))

xoxRachelxox
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 5:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, I wouldn't marry him. Not because he won't take care of your kids but because he's an ass about it.

You've helped him with his kids but he won't help with yours? How is that fair?

I feel bad for your kids (nothing against you). Their own dad is being an ass and now their soon to be step dad is being an ass.

I say don't marry him. I certainly wouldn't rely on him for any of my childs needs.

I'd file for child support, get a job, save up and move out on my own.


greenmilktea
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Hang in there 6yrs is a long time together you don't want to loose him over something he said to you. Look at what he has done for you and your family not at what he say to you. I'm sure when he said those mean words he was just having a bad day.
Trina8687
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:29 PM
Thanks so much for your advice you did bring up some really good factors & ideas. I think pre-marital counseling will have to be a must before we marry . He does do for my kids & helps provide for them most of the time I don't even ask but it comes with the consequences of him throwing it in my face & or using it against me in which makes me feel like less of a woman due to the fact I'm a stay at home mom( right now but seeking again) & don't have money but I do everything here at home from taking careof the kids the house the dogs the list goes on as any stay at home mom would know its a job with in its self. But I dont complain I'm happy I've been able to stay home with our kids.


Quoting JoyfulMemories:

Hi Trina.  I'm sure sorry to hear this, you must have been upset posting this 4 times!  (j/k)  wink miniComputers are sometimes a blessing and sometimes just makes you want to throw them out the window!


Sounds like you have a busy household right now. Kids in school, teen ager coming back with pregnant girlfriend and toddler, WOW!  I'll be praying over that situation, I'm sure it would cause me some major stress.


First things, first.  The comment regarding your kids by your finance is concerning. Before you decide to spend the rest of your lives together perhaps you should seek some pre-martial counseling.  Usually a local church will provide that.  If you have trusted friend's or family member's to help you out watching the children, while the two of you get some help. You mentioned that these things are a more recent occurrence, what else is going on in your lives?  If he does things and shows he cares for your kids and you, what factors are causing this reaction?  Again, counseling will help you two get to the root of the issues.


With that being said, it is very loving and gracious for your and your finance to have his son, girlfriend and toddler come stay with you. One suggestion - be sure you set some firm boundaries before they move in.  I'm sure they will want their space but your family will need that as well.  Be mindful of what might cause concern and address how the two of you (you and your finance) will handle it together!


Marriage and parenting can be a very difficult  journey but the abundant blessings are well worth the struggles!  God bless you as you seek His face for comfort and guidance!  God Bless you! 


((HUGS))


allmy3girls
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:49 PM

indirectly saying but your post  gave me a MIGRAINE  actually I had to sit down and have a water  and process this.....I believe whats yours is YOURS whats mine is MINE and whats ours is OURS...that crap about I raised your kids  he raised his kids my kids  WHAT???  who  cares........regardless of who raised whose kids dont matter  you both should be responsible for them and equally ...he managed to produce and so did you and now  you complain   well next time try a better birth control methhod  or something...look into a counselor  or  just DEAL with it  OMG

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