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Cedar Rapids Iowa momma's...Need some help

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:06 PM
  • 6 Replies

 My little girl. Well she's not so little, she's 13. She had to leave for Cedar Rapids Iowa yesterday morning. I put her on the plane to her fathers. He currently has custody even though I am trying to fight him. He was served on Monday. It was the single hardest thing I've done in my life. I've tried to find out everything I can on the new neighborhood that he's living in and the school she'll be going to and what I have found makes me want to hurl because it doesn't sound like a safe place at all. I've been a hot wrecked mess since yesterday. So if any of you live in the Harding School District please let me know what you think of the school and the neighborhood.  

by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:06 PM
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lisabiron3
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:38 PM

Chrissy,

I hear you my friend. So even though he has custody of your daughter does it state in the court documents that he has to consult with you upon making major decision regarding your daughter? How is he as a father? does he seem to put her needs above his? These are very important questions you need to consider for now until a more permanent living arrangement is made. If the answers to the questions are yes then you need to trust his judgement. Another alternative would be to make an appointment to talk to the Principal or someone in charge at thw school or even contact the superintendant of that school district. All this infomation is important for you when you go to court. Make sure you take pictures of the school or area that you are concerned about. Document names of people you talk to down to the conversation and give it all to your attorney (if you have one) or kkep it to submit to the judge.

Your daughter is at one of the most critical, impressional stages of her life. Which is even more important than she be with her mother. I can give you factual data on that if you want but I have said enough for now.

Good luck to you my friend I am here if you need to chat.

AmericanChild82
by Chrissy on Aug. 21, 2013 at 7:36 PM

 Yes and he told me verbally but it also states that he needed to notify the court and myself through paper work which was never done. He's decent as a father but she's afraid of him. He puts her immediate needs above his but not the long term. When he decided to move to Iowa... He went for a girl he'd met on an xbox game who is only 18 years old. He's almost 31. He told dd that she had no other choice but to go and told me that there was nothing I could do to stop him. Dd can't be her normal bubbly self when she's with him. He's the type of parent that wants kids to be seen but not heard. He's not very sensitive when it comes to her emotional state and she's told me that he's called her names for crying. What kind of factual data do you have? I'm not exactly sure what sort of questions I need to be asking the schools faculty. Any ideas?

Quoting lisabiron3:

Chrissy,

I hear you my friend. So even though he has custody of your daughter does it state in the court documents that he has to consult with you upon making major decision regarding your daughter? How is he as a father? does he seem to put her needs above his? These are very important questions you need to consider for now until a more permanent living arrangement is made. If the answers to the questions are yes then you need to trust his judgement. Another alternative would be to make an appointment to talk to the Principal or someone in charge at thw school or even contact the superintendant of that school district. All this infomation is important for you when you go to court. Make sure you take pictures of the school or area that you are concerned about. Document names of people you talk to down to the conversation and give it all to your attorney (if you have one) or kkep it to submit to the judge.

Your daughter is at one of the most critical, impressional stages of her life. Which is even more important than she be with her mother. I can give you factual data on that if you want but I have said enough for now.

Good luck to you my friend I am here if you need to chat.

 

lisabiron3
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:29 PM

Chrissy,

What you need to do is keep a "Diary" of her behavior and how it has changed. You can use this to your advantage if need be when going to court. You will also need to find out about her behavior at school. it shouldn't be that difficult to find out her teachers name then call the school ask for the teacher's email address so all correspondence is in writing. Ask her normal questions regarding her behavior weather it be meek in nature or acting out as she is in  a new school, living situation has changed just normal questions you would ask just try to dig a little deeper. Do not make her father out to be the bad guy as you are generally concerned about how she's 'adjusting' to her new school and that she's at a very impressionable age. Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do right now until you go to court other than document conversations you have with him, or don't have with in regards to him not advising the court on major decisions. By the courts standard if he's providing the basic necessities for her that's usually good enough for them unfortunately. It's very possible that the judge would even take her into his chambers and ask her whom she want to live with.  It is better to have too much information for the courts than not enough, and it also show's you deep concern for her welfare. Think back to when you were a teenager and how much influence people around you had. When you are that age I believe you are most vulnerable to boys, friends that can be a bad influence, and the list goes on.

For now try (easier said then done) to relax she is getting the basic's it may not be what she fully needs emotionally by your or my standards but just let her know that you are working on it and it will get better. Try not to dog out your ex to her either as you want to look like the mature reasonable one!! Fake it until you make it my friend!!!! It works for me!!

 

snevins61105
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:50 AM

I work in Cedar Rapids.  I would say she should be fine school wise.  I don't live in Cedar Rapids so I have no first hand experience with their schools but I can tell you it's not in a bad part of town.  We actually looked at purchasing a house in that area back before kids. 

If there is anything else I can answer, feel free to ask or message me.  I've lived within 20 minutes of Cedar Rapids my entire life and I work there full time.  It's where we go for groceries, clothes shopping, eating out, etc so I know the city fairly well.

AmericanChild82
by Chrissy on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM
She will be walking to school and it's about a mile away. Can you tell me what the crime rate is like? Thats what scares me the most is her walking to school.

Quoting snevins61105:

I work in Cedar Rapids.  I would say she should be fine school wise.  I don't live in Cedar Rapids so I have no first hand experience with their schools but I can tell you it's not in a bad part of town.  We actually looked at purchasing a house in that area back before kids. 


If there is anything else I can answer, feel free to ask or message me.  I've lived within 20 minutes of Cedar Rapids my entire life and I work there full time.  It's where we go for groceries, clothes shopping, eating out, etc so I know the city fairly well.

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snevins61105
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 9:22 AM

Granted I don't live in the area but I don't hear of many crimes happening in that area.  When you say she's a mile away....in what direction?  If it's closer to the interstate, I may be a little more concerned as there is low income housing on 32nd within a block of the interstate that is high with crime but the more west you move, the better the area.

Again as I don't live in the area, I may not hear about as much but there hasn't been anything real high profile in the area (except for the place I mentioned).

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