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Vent about MIL and DH *Long

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:44 PM
  • 9 Replies

I really just to need vent about all the stuff that has been going on and I have no one to talk to about all of this. So I will start from the beginning. 

When I was 15 I found I was pregnant at 4 months, yes I was on BC. I had my son about 3 months after my 16th bday and I married my son's dad right after I turned 16. Big Mistake!!! 2 months after I gave birth to my son I found out I was pregnant again, there dad raped me. Once I found out that I was pregnant he became more violent beating me up and choking me until I would pass out. I stayed because I do not beileve in divorce. When our youngest son was 4 months old he, there dad, looked me in the eyes and told me he was to young to be a dad and kicked me and the children out of the house with no where to go. He was 19 I was 17. Life went on I got my GED, a job, my own car, my own house and moved on with my life. 

Fast forward 2 years I met a man named Justin who was my bff. We decided to get married so I had to go to my church and ask for permission to divorce my ex as I did not want to shame my family. They agreed and the divorce went through. When we got married I was 3 months pregnant with mine and Justin's daughter. Before we got married I did the whole do you have kids? I met his family, we were together for 2 years before we got married, 

A couple of months after we get married I discovered that he was having women pay his phone bill, I believed him when he told me he was paying for it . That's lie #1. A couple of months later we found out that our daughter was a stillborn at 32 weeks it was devastating for us. A couple of more months pass and he begins to get more angrer toward me he shoved me up against a wall called me a B and threatened to kill me. Having been in a abusive relationship before I slapped him and told him to never touch me like that again. He promised it would never happen again. A month later he beats his dad up so bad that his dad is hospitalized .he told me his dad was trying to stab him and it was self defense. Lie#2. I tried to leave him but his dad called and begged me to stay with him because I was the best thing to ever happen to his son. So I stayed stupid on my part but o well. A couple of months later I found out I was pregnant again. My husband got angry again and pushed me as I was walking away from him. I now have a bulging disk that I need surgery on and on top of it all I miscarried my baby at 8 weeks. 

On my birthday August 1 we lost our home and began to crash on people's couches with my boys in tow. We were staying at his mom's house one night and I over hear a conversation between my mother in law and my husband about his daughter. (whom I did not know exsisted). I confront him about it later and he then informs that she is 10 years old and her name is Dixie. He never told me not once about this girl even after I specificlly asked. And that his ex is coming after him for over 50,000 in back child support. And the reason why all of this is being brought up now....my mother in law went looking for Dixie. In my opinion I don't care if Dixie wants to be apart of our life I would have supported my husband. My husband told his mother that it was mine and his decision as to what we do next, through the courts and if he wanted to fight for custody or not. His mother believed it was her decision not ours. She shows up at the hotel we are staying at and starts screaming at me that this decision does not involve me. I then informed her that it does because my husband and my kids are my family and it doesn't just effect Justin or her it effects everyone. His mother then hit me and sadly I hit her back. Now I just want to get away from my husband and his stupid family and all his lies and betrayals. I deserve better I need better. But i can not afford to take care of my children on my own. I want to leave him as soon as I finish my psychology degree so I will be able to get a good job. I just needed to vent I don't understand how people can be so stupid to ruin everyone's life because they are unhappy in there's. I just want to give up and crawl into a corner and cry. 

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:44 PM
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Replies (1-9):
sunpeaches1
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:00 PM
2 moms liked this
You need to look into women's shelters & assistance for battered women. You have been thru enough but more importantly your kids have been thru enough! For their sakes you need out of this toxic environment. Do you want you sons to grow up this way? & go to a homeless shelter! You are already technically homeless at least you will be away from the abuse too!
Momofmenagerie
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Did you call the police in any of these violent altercations? On your ex? Justin? His mother?

If not, then it seems safe to assume that part of you has always felt that being a victim was what you were taught at some point that that's what " your place " was.

No one has to have a psyche degree to see that.

You didn't call after the rape, after Justin got violent and hurt you ( more than once) or when Mil assaulted you.

You believe whole heartedly in your church faith. If it were someone I was describing these life crises to because they happened to me, I would hope they would push me to go to counseling from a church elder of my faith.

i would hope they would tell me that I can finish my degree anywhere, even in a section 8 housing or a women's shelter and a library close by as I worked anywhere they would hire me In order to take care of my children safely, and, I would hope that that person would tell me that govt. programs for food, health, and other assistance is there to help people attempting to get out of a victimization mindset,

that not all who get help, long term or short term are milking the system.
It is to help families until they can help themselves. That's what I would hope someone would remind me of.

Blessings
demeter3378
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 

Exactly. Dont wait to leave until you can afford it financially, you cant afford to stay emotionally. Be strong for your boys and walk away.

Quoting Momofmenagerie:

Did you call the police in any of these violent altercations? On your ex? Justin? His mother?

If not, then it seems safe to assume that part of you has always felt that being a victim was what you were taught at some point that that's what " your place " was.

No one has to have a psyche degree to see that.

You didn't call after the rape, after Justin got violent and hurt you ( more than once) or when Mil assaulted you.

You believe whole heartedly in your church faith. If it were someone I was describing these life crises to because they happened to me, I would hope they would push me to go to counseling from a church elder of my faith.

i would hope they would tell me that I can finish my degree anywhere, even in a section 8 housing or a women's shelter and a library close by as I worked anywhere they would hire me In order to take care of my children safely, and, I would hope that that person would tell me that govt. programs for food, health, and other assistance is there to help people attempting to get out of a victimization mindset,

that not all who get help, long term or short term are milking the system.
It is to help families until they can help themselves. That's what I would hope someone would remind me of.

Blessings


 

ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 1:06 AM
1 mom liked this

first of all let me assure you that God does not want you to be a door mat for anyone... He loves you and wants you to love yourself. you deserve so muh better than this. Walk away even if it makes things diffiult finacially for a while.

Momofmenagerie
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:38 PM
She is right. I was struggling in college with an abusive " clan". I asked my dad about it, when I said " but the bible says turn the other cheek."

My father responded with " yes, but the bible says turn the other cheek..ONE cheek. It doesn't say turn the other cheek back and forth until they've beaten your face or heart to a bloody pulp, daughter!"


Quoting ditsyjo:

first of all let me assure you that God does not want you to be a door mat for anyone... He loves you and wants you to love yourself. you deserve so muh better than this. Walk away even if it makes things diffiult finacially for a while.


AngelSinger
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 5:46 AM
1 mom liked this

You are in greater need of therapy than anyone I have spoken to in recent memory. You have a history of abusive marriages. You need to find out what is at the root of that so it will never happen again. This will mean no men and no pregnancies while you complete your therapy. 

Call the National number for domestic violence; they can help you come up with a workable and safe plan to leave abusive jerk #2, and get you the help you need so there is not a #3. And please, get on some reliable birth control. The last thing you need right now is to add another child to this mess.

Please do not wait. Call ASAP.


P.S. You are totally wrong in regards to Dixie. This is in no way, shape or form your decision to make. Nor, really, is it MILs. If by some horrible fluke you stay with this jackass, you need to come to terms with the reality at work here: she is not your child, and you have zero to say about her relationship with her dad. 

RADmomma
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 5:54 AM
Leave. Please leave.
NDADanceMom
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 8:29 AM
YOU have made a series of bad choices. The only way your life will ever improve is if you take accountability for your bad choices. You should not have been having sex at 15, bc or not. You should have gone to the hospital and reported the rape so you could have prevented the pregnancy that resulted from it. (They have a pill that stops the process) You picked bad men, I'm guessing you grew up in a dysfunctional home, and you need therapy before trying to pick a new one.
Who cares if you are the best thing to a crazy man? He wasn't the best thing for you. You should have left. Meanwhile your kids are being trained to have horrible relationships too. Get your shit together. You are a mom and that is your primary responsibility. I think you should also tell Dixie's mom what the father is like.
Natasha0704
by Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 6:36 PM

My goodness hon, you need to get out of this situation. There is options open to you, get out of this situation now for your safety and the safety of the children. This seems like it's only escalating into more and eventually, it's too late. You got pregnant twice by the first guy and you almost had two pregnancies with the second one. I know it looks like it will be hard, but believe in yourself. Take responsibility for your actions and get yourself out of the bad situations, not only for yourself, but your children. You aren't setting any good example for them, they need you. You are the one that they should lean on and look up to. Don't let them think being abused is okay. Take control before something serious happens, before your children lose you or you lose them. You're going into psychology, maybe it's criminal psychology, but I would think you would know when someone needs help. You are too close to the situation, seak outside help from someone who can see the situation clearly.

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