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Ok I'm new here & I really need advice...first off my husband-we've been together nearly two years which we of course have our ups & downs like all couples! But since I was pregnant & hormonal he drifted cause I guess in unattractuve when I'm pregnant,I will be honest all I wanted was sex with him no matter how It was I have a High sex drive anyway so all I gained was 18 pounds my whole 9 months baby was nearly 9 pounds and I'm actually less then pre-pregnancy weight now two weeks later! So I have been trying to get him to notice me like he use to he enjoys adult videos I'm insecure I admit that it bothers me but I surprised him with a video a few nights ago-he didn't seem into it or even like he enjoyed it-I thought that would woo him 4 sure! But nope so he works till 930 at night I've been making him his fave dinners getting food from his fave places but nothing but "awesome babe" comes from his mouth-he never tells me I look pretty or nice or beautiful anymore,to test this I out in my old jeans (they fit good now) and a cute top for our daughtes drs appt this week & he walks right pass me @ says nothing. I love him so much & I want this to work out but he won't tell me what's the problem or why he's acting like this,he says its nothing & that I'm over reacting :( I don't know maybe I am but is it so much to ask for a romantic night where my husband notices me & shows me he loves me?? I mean for two weeks I've spent all night up with the baby so he can sleep I never ask for help & here's the whoa moment I had a c-section & haven't taken anything but Tylenol yup that's right and didn't even spend 24 hours in bed afterward! So my question is what more can I do!? He swears he's not cheating and that there's no one else! So what can u do!? I have tried all I know-some if the details I can't say but I've tried everything! If u know what I mean-I am at loss here!! :(
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 5:22 PM
Replies (11-20):
Mom_to_Lincoln
by Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:46 AM
3 moms liked this

I'm sure the thought of having a baby and and surgery is still fresh in his mind. I'm sure he just does not want to do anything that could hurt you and also it is going to be hard to get in the mood with that running through his head. I would give it a few more weeks to a month and in the meantime give him lots of complements and see if that helps. He might see that your complementing him and start complementingyou.  It sounds like your hormones are out of whack also so I would try and relax and not worry and over analyze everything.

Myboysmom08
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Give him time ... my husband acted like a "Dud Spud" too - but eventually he came around.  I agree with some of the other posters that men take a while to adjust and they adjust differently than we do - the one's that "understand" know that we need more attention during this time because we feel very vulnerable and unattractive - that being said - the second time around my husband was a bit better.  The main this here is - take care of your self - speak positive affirmations to your self (I am beautiful, I am sexy, Wow - look what my body "created") - be amazed with YOU - love you right now - and that precious baby - of course.  He will "arrive" eventually ... and then you'll be wishing he'd leave you alone!!!! LOL!!!

LilliesValley
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM

Have you actually had a conversation with him? Completely telling him how you feel, how his inattention is making you feel etc? You also have to pick the right moment, you may need to wait until the weekend verses after he gets off work and is tired.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:54 AM
2 moms liked this

 well first off you can tell him to help you with your MUTUAL baby. no one said you had to do it all.

second, talk to him and ask him why hes being distant. in my case, whenever i feel like my SO is acting detached, i think back and realize i havent gave him any in a week or ten days (i have no sex drive thanks to fuckin mirena, devil, im taking it out) so i give him some and hes better.

LilliesValley
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:56 AM

 

I think telling him your feelings and talking to him is the best thing and he opened up which is awesome. I'd be really pissed off too if that was his reaction! But having a conversation is what makes relationships work.

Quoting newmommy9120:

Hugs mama I was in the same boat minus the c section. I was wanting sex bad when I left the hospital was able to control myself for ten days then I just woke up one night and took him which is very uncommon of me he was a little taken by this but after that night he wouldn't look at me. Around six weeks I had family take DS for a few hours during the say and I got a sexy outfit new videos and the whole shebang and DH came home and just said cool and when to his man cave I was devastated for a while I finally sat him down and explained to him how his actions were hurting me. He ended up telling me was scared to have sex with the baby in the next room. We set up a plan where my mother in law would watch DS every once in awhile tell DH got use to his new daddy role and how our lives had changed. Things will get better just takes time. In you need to talk feel free to pm me


 

newmommy9120
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:59 AM
2 moms liked this
I was so scared it was my fault he was feeling that way or that since we rushed having a baby we were celebrating our on year anniversary in the hospital with me in labor lol but yes the best thing i have learned it to talk about how you feel and what are things you can change.

Quoting LilliesValley:

 


I think telling him your feelings and talking to him is the best thing and he opened up which is awesome. I'd be really pissed off too if that was his reaction! But having a conversation is what makes relationships work.


Quoting newmommy9120:

Hugs mama I was in the same boat minus the c section. I was wanting sex bad when I left the hospital was able to control myself for ten days then I just woke up one night and took him which is very uncommon of me he was a little taken by this but after that night he wouldn't look at me. Around six weeks I had family take DS for a few hours during the say and I got a sexy outfit new videos and the whole shebang and DH came home and just said cool and when to his man cave I was devastated for a while I finally sat him down and explained to him how his actions were hurting me. He ended up telling me was scared to have sex with the baby in the next room. We set up a plan where my mother in law would watch DS every once in awhile tell DH got use to his new daddy role and how our lives had changed. Things will get better just takes time. In you need to talk feel free to pm me



 

LilliesValley
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:59 AM

 

I agree, the more we have sex, the closer we are in general, more loving, attentive, etc. The less we have sex the less understanding we are and the more easily we get pissed off. Before we got pregnant and if one or both of us was getting pissy I'd think back and be like oh, it's been three days. time to go to the bedroom and "talk." That's our code word for sex with dd 6 around. I'm sure she'll be traumatized eventually by all the "talking" we did. LOL.

And he may  be uncomfortable with being a new dad, all the responsiblity, if he's hurting op, etc. Lots of things and some guys you just have to pull shit out of them. Helping with the baby will be a good thing for op to insist on. Even if she's bf, dad can do baths and diaper duty!

Quoting faerie75:

 well first off you can tell him to help you with your MUTUAL baby. no one said you had to do it all.

second, talk to him and ask him why hes being distant. in my case, whenever i feel like my SO is acting detached, i think back and realize i havent gave him any in a week or ten days (i have no sex drive thanks to fuckin mirena, devil, im taking it out) so i give him some and hes better.


 

Kazmira222
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:01 PM
Men don't ever notice those kind of things. Honestly I don't think men really know how to be loving and romantic at all...
amberleh
by New Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:09 PM
2 moms liked this

He just had to deal with his wife going through major surgery to have the baby. That can mess with them psychologically. His mind might still be in "she's recovering from major surgery" mode. Plus, 2 weeks is kinda soon to be trying to have sex, your incision is still healing Hun! 

When my husband doesn't seem to be paying me as much attention as usual and complimenting me and stuff, I usually will start complimenting HIM more, and flirt with him, pinch his butt, etc...he gets the idea and reciprocates. 

jamamama00
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:10 PM
5 moms liked this

Honestly, it seems to me that bending over backward to please a man is the quickest way to run him off. I think you need to find your inner woman balls, quit trying so hard to please him, and see what happens. Act like his disinterest doesn't concern you in the least. When you get back on your feet, get dressed up and go out and ignore him a bit. See if that helps.

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