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Need to find joy

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:45 AM
  • 12 Replies

I am a mom of two three year old's. a boy and a girl. i am having the hardest time finding joy in being a mom right now. i don't enjoy my children. is this a normal thing. or do i need help? yes these are my first children and I'm not going to lie. having twins is hard. i do love them so much. and i worry that because of not being able to be positive very much i am damaging them. i see other moms on net works like fb who seem to talk about how much they love their kids and post funny little blurbs they say all of the time......... how do i find joy again?

by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
samdanl52779
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you for sharing this today! Unfortunately, I have no helpful advice as I am dealing with the same kind of fears;questions within myself. I have two daughters ages18&33 months as well as a 15 year old son. I try to force a smile for my children as much as I can but I know that they see through it. Especially my 15 year old. I worry too that my sadness is affecting them negatively. You are not alone in your struggle!
zzzzbutblessed
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:03 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't think you need help at all I think going through ups and downs with your kids is perfectly normal, whether people want to admit it or not. right now my 18 month old daughter is going through a phase where I'm just happy if I can get through the day without wanting to drop her off somewhere. my 6 year old daughter is pushing every button she knows that I have to see how far I'll let her go she's lucky she's allowed in my house right now. however, my son, is being a joy. he's 4 years old.
are you overall happy with yourself? It's hard to be happy with other people when your not happy with yourself. give yourself a break, and don't be so hard on yourself. maybe a skate for couple hours once a week and just recharge yourself go get a manicure go get your hair done go walk alone in a park. maybe even volunteer at an animal shelter as a dog walker its proven that animal therapy helps people relax. it's amazing what just a few hours away a week can do for your mental health
flowerwebb
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:27 PM

Hope I don't offend you by saying this...

but honestly...true joy can only be found in Jesus. I'm not a weird religious fanatic, or anything like that.
I am a stay at home mommy of five kiddos. They are a wonderful, crazy, fun-loving bunch of kiddos, but man can they drive me bananas at times ;).
The honest truth is that no matter who you are, or what you do...one never finds true joy with out Christ. We can not be a good parent, a good person, etc...with out His help.
I would love to chat with you sometime if you would like. Just PM me...I will not "bother" you I promise...but will be praying for you. -Flower

sunpeaches1
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I think first you need to address that you are in a depression. You need to get out & do things geared for the kids so they can be happy & play naturally but keeps you from having to be on top of them like a mama hen so yoh can ENJOY seeing them enjoy themselves. It also has to be something that brings you contentment too. Like play date w girlfriend at age appropriate park so you can have girl time while the kids have play time. Playplaces at the mall are great for meet ups w a girl friend. Also you need some alone time too. Time to be YOU & not just the mama! Getting a baby sitter for a few hrs & enjoying time away from kids does not make you a bad mother! Even cows leave their calves in care of other female cows while they wander the pasture alone. Have you thought of putting them in daycare for 1/2 days?
ScrChk23
by Amanda on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

When was the last time you had any time to yourself?  At least a few hours at one time?  I know I have felt the same way.  I need time to recharge every once in a while.  Do you work outside the home?  I only ask because some employers have an employee assistance program where the employees can get a certain number of counseling sessions for free.  It wouldn't hurt to have a consultation.  Is there someone at church/temple that you could talk to?

ScrChk23
by Amanda on Aug. 23, 2013 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh and welcome to the group!

fosschrista
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:34 PM

thank you everyone for you advice and encouragement!! it is desperately needed. we just moved to a totally new area about a month ago and i don't know anyone. before that my husband was gone for two months streight due to a new job. he works long hard hours so it is difficult to find much help from him. we do attend a church but my he usually wants to leave imediately afterwords. so it is difficult to make friends there. i def agree that i fall into a depression. i am a stay at home mom but am someone who unless i can get out to do things a lot i fall into depression easy. i def need a break! and i think i am going to try harder to get one lol

fosschrista
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this

you did not offend me at all. i am a christian too and totally agree with you. the one thing i have learnd though especially since i grew up with very religious parents, is i can not just sit and wait for God to make me happy. i have to do my part as well.



Quoting flowerwebb:

Hope I don't offend you by saying this...

but honestly...true joy can only be found in Jesus. I'm not a weird religious fanatic, or anything like that.
I am a stay at home mommy of five kiddos. They are a wonderful, crazy, fun-loving bunch of kiddos, but man can they drive me bananas at times ;).
The honest truth is that no matter who you are, or what you do...one never finds true joy with out Christ. We can not be a good parent, a good person, etc...with out His help.
I would love to chat with you sometime if you would like. Just PM me...I will not "bother" you I promise...but will be praying for you. -Flower



fosschrista
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:38 PM


love your question about am i happy with myself. i would probably have to say i am not. you really gave me something to think about. thank you

Quoting zzzzbutblessed:

I don't think you need help at all I think going through ups and downs with your kids is perfectly normal, whether people want to admit it or not. right now my 18 month old daughter is going through a phase where I'm just happy if I can get through the day without wanting to drop her off somewhere. my 6 year old daughter is pushing every button she knows that I have to see how far I'll let her go she's lucky she's allowed in my house right now. however, my son, is being a joy. he's 4 years old.
are you overall happy with yourself? It's hard to be happy with other people when your not happy with yourself. give yourself a break, and don't be so hard on yourself. maybe a skate for couple hours once a week and just recharge yourself go get a manicure go get your hair done go walk alone in a park. maybe even volunteer at an animal shelter as a dog walker its proven that animal therapy helps people relax. it's amazing what just a few hours away a week can do for your mental health



Jambo4
by Silver Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Hon... I watched twin 18 month olds twice this week and it nearly put me under!  lol  And I am a seasoned childcare provider too, so my hats off to you!

You mentioned a couple of things that stood out to me.  One was along the line of what my mom used to tell me when I was a teen in the angst of being a "teen"... make your own fun.  Then the other thought was Biblical.. there is a time and season for everything.   Your time right now is NOT yours.  Plain and simple.  It's a hard time and not everything is going to be rosy.  You are going to be going through the motions a lot of days.  The divine role of being a mother is going to be a little hard to see.  

BUT.. it will get better.  Your season will come.  Until then try every day to find some little "something" and thank the Lord for it.  Before you know it, it will be a habit.  

LDS Amber

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