Advertisement
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Is what im feeling normal?

Posted by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 3:40 AM
  • 7 Replies
I'm a new mother of two handsome boys 21 months and 4 weeks old. I love both my boys very much, but sometimes it feels like my oldest son is a little jealous of his baby brother. I am breast feeding my new baby, and it seems like he is always eating. While I'm feeding him, my 21 month old starts getting into things he is told not to, and ignores the fact that I'm even talking to him. Sometimes he starts whining and holding is hands up to me so I can hold him. I feel bad when I tell him "not now hunny, let me finish feeding your brother " but when I'm done he just starts being a little terror. Should I be doing something different or am I handling this ok? I need some advice, especially with getting my 21 month old to listen to me and do as he is told. I hate feeling like I am not showing him enough attention.

P.s. I do like to sit in the big recliner while breast feeding, and letting my oldest sit with us. Of course that only lasts for about 5 minutes before he gets excited and starts jumping around and coming very close to hurting his baby brother, in some cases he has.
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 3:40 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 4:01 AM
2 moms liked this

This is very common to have sibling rivalry especially when big brother is a toddler himself.  He is having to get used to another person being in mommy's arms.  I would have him run"errands"around the house.  Go get mommy a diaper and wipes,  mommy needs a towel/blanket for baby brother, etc.  He can also sit by your feet during the nursing and you can sing silly songs/ read a short story.

NDADanceMom
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 7:14 AM
Do you have time where you aren't holding the baby and you focus on him?
fivegirls333
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 7:37 AM

this is a tough time for him.  four weeks ago he was the baby, the only love bug, and was the center of the world...times have changed for him, abruptly, give him a little bit of a break...poor thing.  try letting him be more involved with caring for the baby.  make a huge deal about his "big brother" responsibilities and how you could never do this without his help.  see him doing good...praise him for it!  he will get your attention any way he can. (positive or negative)

Kmary
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 7:55 AM
1 mom liked this

My oldest was about the same age as yours when his little brother was born.  Everything you and he are experiencing are 100% totally normal.  It would be more strange if he weren't jealous of the baby and of course it bothers you as their mommy.  All of the above recommendations are good:  I used to also send my oldest on errands around the house to "help" me or sometimes read a book.  But it's tough at first...for everyone.  But it passes.  When I would feel badly that my oldest wasn't getting the attention he'd become accustomed to, I'd remind myself that having to share time and attention is actually a good thing.  It builds character.  There's nothing wrong with learning that you're not the center of the universe....but it is a tough life lesson for sure!  It'll be fine.  Hang in there.

Reina13
by Silver Member on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:08 AM

I agree with this. My son was closer to 3 before my second son was born, but it was very much the same way. It was hard at first for him to learn to share my time, but eventually he came around.



Quoting Kmary:

My oldest was about the same age as yours when his little brother was born.  Everything you and he are experiencing are 100% totally normal.  It would be more strange if he weren't jealous of the baby and of course it bothers you as their mommy.  All of the above recommendations are good:  I used to also send my oldest on errands around the house to "help" me or sometimes read a book.  But it's tough at first...for everyone.  But it passes.  When I would feel badly that my oldest wasn't getting the attention he'd become accustomed to, I'd remind myself that having to share time and attention is actually a good thing.  It builds character.  There's nothing wrong with learning that you're not the center of the universe....but it is a tough life lesson for sure!  It'll be fine.  Hang in there.


sunpeaches1
by Nikki on Aug. 26, 2013 at 11:34 AM
1 mom liked this
Perhaps it feels like he is defying you more because you cannot physically redirect at the times you are nursing? Also, they learn really quick when you cannot follow thru w demands & punishment threats. Even that young! My boys were the same age diff but was lucky that oldest was very self entertaining & youngest was easy going & loved to watch me play 1 on 1 w big bro. Its a very delicate balancing act you must learn to give both attention needed & that equilibrium will change about every month! Good luck & congrats on your healthy boys!
IanAndAidensMom
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 4:18 PM

Thank you to all who replied. I do make sure that I spend 1 on 1 time with my oldest, its just less time than before baby brother got here of course. I didn't even think about having him run "errands" for me while feeding. He loves to help out, thank you for the advice ladies.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)