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SAHM or working mom.

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:15 AM
  • 177 Replies
1 mom liked this
My husband and I are going to try to conceive in January but I'm struggling with whether to become a SAHM. I work full-time and so does my husband. His salary alone isn't a lot but its livable and we could easily get by on his salary by budgeting and using one car.

I work 45 minutes away which means I leave at 6:30 am and get home at 5:45 pm.


I grew up in a very well to do family and my husband grew up poor. Ever since I married my husband I live a very simple basic life. Used cars, used clothes, etc. I also grew up in a very disfunctional alcoholic family. My parents worked all the time and I was in daycare. To date, I have no relationship with them.

I guess my thoughts are that if we had this baby and I stayed at home to raise him/her even if that meant sacrificing money it would mean giving the child a better life then I had. I want my child to feel loved and secure...I don't want others raising it.


We live I'm a very driven society to the point where if you do stay home you are labeled as "lazy.".

For those of you who haven chosen to stay at home, how did you make your final decision? I'm confused and I feel like I'd be ruining everything.
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mcginnisc
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:30 AM
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I'm a SAHM. We are financially comfortable so it does not put any strain on our finances for me to stay home. Dh makes 6 figures on his own, so any money I would make would just be play money at this point. 

Dh and I discussed this before we got married. The original plan was for me to stay home until the kids were in school full time. My plan changed. We lost our first dd at 36 weeks, so I took a year off work to heal. Then, a year after that we began the adoption process. It was another 2 years before we brought our dd home from China. I quit my job a week before we left for China as I knew I was going to stay home with her. I knew that she needed me to stay home with her and bond, so it was a very easy decision. 8 months later, I found out that I was pregnant. I was immediately placed on complete bed rest, so working was not an option. After our youngest was born, I just stuck with the plan. The girls are now in 2nd grade and Kindergarten and I'm still a SAHM. I am planning on going back to work, but I'm not sure when I will do so. I love being available for field trips, class parties, and of course being the Mom Taxi daily for the girls. 

If I were you, I would sit down with your spouse and go over all of your financials. I would price out childcare and all other expenses and then do another without you working and only have 1 income. As far as being lazy...eh... I have my moments, but as a whole, I do a lot. I handle all the finances, take the kids everywhere, run all the errands, do 99% of the cleaning, etc...you just have to find your rhythm and don't worry about what other people think. YOU have to do what is best for YOUR family. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

kidlover2
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:33 AM
I chose to be a sahm because when I was a nanny for an extremely well to do family, the 5 year old would ask his mother to stay home with him and plead with her. Her response was always, " we want nice things and I work so we can have nice things." He just wanted his mother. I stayed home until my youngest was 4 because I need to return to college. I'm still a little broken up about it but I receive holidays and summers off so I think it will be ok.
border7305
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 7:32 AM
First I would like too welcome you too CM, I'm Kim.. I think you and your DH have enough time to know what you want too do, give it time and you will make the right choice for you and your Family... Kim :)
teri4lance
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 7:40 AM
5 moms liked this
Your baby is more important than what others think. I find that the only people who judge sahms are the ones who cant afford it or care more about money than their childrens well being. Not exactly people I care to impress.
I stayed at home till my youngest was in 4th grade. Now I work part time while they are in school. The extra money is nice but I would quit if my kids needed me. We've been doing it a little over a year, and so far do good.
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kellysp6637
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 7:43 AM
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 Honestly, I think you are only looking at the extremes.  I have been both a SAHM and a working full time mom with a child in daycare...and really, you CAN have both.  Just because you have a child in daycare doesn't mean you will have a dysfunctional or distant relationship with your child. Daycare is not the reason you have a bad relationship with your parents....it sounds like your parents were the issue.

Personally, I have seen waaaaayyyy too many women give up careers to stay home to be SAHM's only to have something tragic happen (a divorce, death of a spouse, loss of spouse's employment, etc) and have difficulty supporting their family or get back into the work force.

How about working part time, keeping a foot in the door and be a part time SAHM?

MixedCooke
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 8:37 AM
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I chose to work night so that I was still home with my kids and so that I still had financial security for the "what ifs" that always come along.

bebe_ju-rah
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 8:46 AM
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It's not for everyone, but neither is working. I work full time. I went back after 8 weeks when my daughter was born and at 6 weeks with my son. I also am from a family that worked and we were very poor. I spent a lot of time with my grandma because they couldn't afford daycare. I have nothing but happy memories of my childhood. So that tells you that a child can be happy with working parents AND being poor. Lol

I am the primary breadwinner in our family so I couldn't be a sahm even if I wanted to (which I don't really). When I was out of work for a while I was going bonkers having no adult conversations all day, everyday. I also felt awful about myself and it put a strain on dh and my relationship BC neither one of us felt as though I was pulling my weight. In the end, do what feels right for you

Mommabear81312
by Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 8:51 AM
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I got one better for you. I was raised in a house where my dad was always working and my mom stayed home but was an really bad alcoholic. So she was there but not there really. She was always sleeping it off. I played with the sahm or work idea before my daughter was born. I ended up staying home. Money is tight but as a kid all i can remember is how many times my mom didnt take me to the park or the aquarium or just play with me. These are things i am doing with my daugther. Memories trump money everytime in my book :) i also realized that as a society we waste materials and money without even realizing it. People really dont realize as did i that we dont need all these things that we buy but want them. We can survive without them just fine. No one said its easy but it can be done :) i'm still working on it :) good luck to you.

bebe_ju-rah
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 8:58 AM
5 moms liked this
The only sahm's that I judge are the ones that collect govt assistance. If fford to stay at home with your kids because you have money saved, have a supporter, etc, then great! If not, don't stay home. Work like the rest of us and support the kids you made (you being a general term). Ya know?

I've gotta tell you, the part where you said "money is more important than their children's well being" is extremely offensive. Sure, if we get rid of one car and take dd out of competitive gymnastics, and I spend hours on end clipping grocery coupons, we could scrape by with me staying home but who wants to live like that? We enjoy being able to go places, do things and yes, buying nice things. All while my kids are being extremely well taken care of and have learned much more than I could have taught them. Some people are not the sah type. I'm one of them.


Quoting teri4lance:

Your baby is more important than what others think. I find that the only people who judge sahms are the ones who cant afford it or care more about money than their childrens well being. Not exactly people I care to impress.

I stayed at home till my youngest was in 4th grade. Now I work part time while they are in school. The extra money is nice but I would quit if my kids needed me. We've been doing it a little over a year, and so far do good.
Kim_The365
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 9:09 AM
1 mom liked this

What about being a SAHM that has a home based business? You could take something that you love to do and turn it into a profitable business you can run from home and still spend time with your child. That would be a great way to bring in extra income and be there for your child.

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