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A void... opinions, ideas, good or bad... I'm prepared.

Posted by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:14 PM
  • 8 Replies

So I have done adoption, just a little over a year ago. I did it for some really great friends, and I know she is well taken care of safe, and i do get pictures and visits so I am still a part of her life to some extent, but since then I have had this amazingly horrible void, I have had such a terrible time filling and or finding something to occupy my mind not to think about it.

I do have two other kids, that i love terribly and spend all amounts of time with, and i knew what i did was going to be tough, but i did not think that it would still be this bad almost a year and a half later. 

any ideas or opinions for coping or getting through or making the feeling a little less painful...

I have considered a therapist/therapy but between my kids, family, and work, there's in almost no time for something to that extent, and i can't really afford it either. i have tried reaching out to friends and family but they really dont seem to understand the extent of the feeling. 

Df has been supportive and understanding considering Df now is not the father of said child, but was there for the pregnancy and adoption and goes to visits. i just need some ideas or maybe a direction to point a way.

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:14 PM
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Replies (1-8):
melissa776
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:16 PM
3 moms liked this
I have never dealt with anything like this but maybe an adoption support group? I don't know how much it would cost but maybe there is one online.
calsmom62
by Gold Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:20 PM
this.


Quoting melissa776:

I have never dealt with anything like this but maybe an adoption support group? I don't know how much it would cost but maybe there is one online.

funhappymom
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 8:49 AM

I agree with an adoption support group. I'd also have to ask- do you notice void more at certain times than other times? Perhaps after a visit or contact with her? If so, perhaps limiting those visits and contacts for a bit might be helpful. (((HUGS)))



Enjoy a Coffee Break Chat with us Every Tuesday!

kmerwin1987
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Honestly, it happens more when im around other people with babies around the similar age group. I wouldn't say I try to avoid them, because I love all kids in general, I have a super soft spot for them. And it would be difficult to do so because df and I are staying with his aunt and her baby is of similar age, but that's when it most hits me. But an adoption support group doesn't sound bad.


Quoting funhappymom:

I agree with an adoption support group. I'd also have to ask- do you notice void more at certain times than other times? Perhaps after a visit or contact with her? If so, perhaps limiting those visits and contacts for a bit might be helpful. (((HUGS)))



Enjoy a Coffee Break Chat with us Every Tuesday!


fionnula
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:46 AM

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.  I agree with a support group, and there are ones for birthmoms.  I know my agency recommended Birthmom Buds to our bmom and I have seen them on facebook too.  To be able to talk to someone who knows firsthand what you went thru helps so much.  If you were with an agency, they may be able to recommend a group in your area too.

Zirallan
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:53 AM

I know you said you don't have the money or time for a therapist, but you need one. Find one who will work on a sliding scale and make the time. Also, as others have said, find a support group. Find a couple of them actually and stick with the ones that make you feel the most comfortable.. Not all support groups are equal.

randomosityblog
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:59 AM

I can't say it gets any easier. I'm nearly 5 years in and it's difficult. Every. Single. Day. And nobody else can understand, or even come close, unless they've been in the same situation.. so it makes talking to significant others very difficult. They expect you to move on from it. I don't know if you ever do. Have you joined the Birth Moms group?

kmerwin1987
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 6:02 PM

i have managed to look online a little for an agency or group or therapist of some sort, in my area there are none who specialize, the closest is an hour away, and the agency we went through has one but they are 4 hours away :-S i am going to keep searching, some of them come with a lanky price... for a month is more than i make in two weeks. 

but i do appreciate the advice, its just in my area i have yet to meet another lady who has done the same thing, so it makes it a tad difficult, i do have a select few friends who manage to make time to just listen.. so that does help a little, i know it will never be easy and i know it will not go away, which thats not really what i want anyways, but i do speak with God time to time, i do go to my grandfather's grave and talk with him a while, nd to my father's, i've found small outlets that help for a short while, but its a process.

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