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The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

So last night, my son, who is 7 and just started 2nd grade, informed me that he no longer wants to live with us. There's no divorce or remarraige, there are no big family upheavals, he just doesn't want to live here, because, " we're mean, we yell and Daddy hurts his feelings". Yeah, he gets in trouble, he also has ADHD, gets assistance at school for behavior issues, and his dad tries to joke around with him a lot. In fact yasterday he refused to get on the bus and I had to drive him to school, so, I did yell at him for that. I figure he's trying to see just how much attention he'll garner by deciding he wants to move somewhere else. Funny, his first choice for the relocation was our friends house, then Grandma's, now its the much wealthier family down the street. (Heck, I'd like to live in their house, too, but I wouldn't want to pay their bills!!) So, has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? What did you do to get through it? Do you go along with the fantasy, acting like its no big deal, or try to reason it out? I'm sure its just a phase, but what if its not?

by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 8:14 AM
Replies (21-24):
trainlady
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 12:34 PM

We have a child in our family like this. What we have found out over a long time is not to confront them on anything. This immediately starts him into a rage situation. When we want to get his cooperation we come at it with the idea that whatever it is is going to be something he likes. We talk things out and ask him how about we do so and so and what do you think would be the best option. We give him limited options that only lead to the conclusion we want. Like getting on the bus. We ask him how many friends he as on the bus and what are their names and did he know that only the biggest, smartest, nicest kids get to ride the bus because its a privilege. We also make sure no one on the bus is picking on him. It takes a lot of time and patience to do this and you have to try a dozen different ways until you finally latch onto the one that turns his button. In your case after you have pointed out all the good things about living in your house with both mommy and daddy versus living in a totally strange house where nobody knows him or will do things he likes and they have different rules and he might not like them. You have to turn him around. As for daddy constantly joking around with him, ask him to cut it in half, not quite so much of that. Joking around is all fine and good until it becomes stressful for the child and then he senses it as an assualt on him. Make sure you tell all of this to whoever his angermanagement counselor is and good luck. We've gone through this with our nephew for 18 years and its not been easy.

JaimieP
by Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:18 PM

I did this.  

My mom offered to pack my back for me.  

After about the thrid time of threatening it, she actually did.  handed it to me and walked me outside, then closed the door.  

I was soooo heartbroken that she didn't care.  I sat on the step and cried, she came out after about 10 min, and took me back in, unpacked my things then said, did you learn not to threaten leaving, cuz I'll let you!  

Never did it again!

Goondoggle
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:41 PM
Oh man, this hasn't happened to me but I already know what I would do. My mom will be living on 40 acres of West Virginia farmland here shortly. I would send the little booger to go "live with Grandma". She would have him work, dig a garden, plant trees, and probably even handwash his own clothes. She can be awful when she wants to be. After the first day he would be begging to come home.
cox3
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2013 at 10:56 PM
Play along. Make it a game. Perfectly normal.
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