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Child abuse...Its amazing the difference a few years can make.

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 3:59 AM
  • 11 Replies

 

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Question: Do you think that fear of being labeled an "abuser" effects the way we raise our children?

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So I was talking to a customer a while back about child abuse and about how what is considered abuse has changed over the last several years.

Spanking-

Back when I was a kid (which wasnt realistically TOO many years ago, I'm 24) if you did something stupid and wrong, you got spanked. Occasionally a slight smuck upside the head just hard enough to let you know to get your shit together.

Now you spank your child and god forbid the sky is falling. Call CPS!!!

 

"Leashes"  (this is what actually sparked the conversation)

Back then if tyou had your kid on a line, that was abuse. If you walked away from your mom in a store and got lost, the experience stuck and you damn sure weren't letting mom out of your sight again.

Now it is considered good parenting. Dont get me wrong I am all for this one depending on the situation. I have used one for my dd when we go somewhere I know is going to be nutso busy

I dont know about you other moms out there but I figure if it worked for my mom, and her mom, and her mom, and so on and so forth... and we all turned out fine, must be doing something right. I see kids out all the time who run the show because their parents dont say no/dicipline. I raise my kids the same way I was raised and she knows that shit dont fly.

How about you? Any other differences you can think of between then and now. I am actually thinking of writing a school paper on this topic but finding info is kind of hard so I havent settled on a topic yet.

 Edit** How you raise your kids is none of my business. Thats not where I was going with this post. Is there any other examples of things you have seen change in the way child abuse is viewed from the time you were a kid until the time you had kids?

I should also state. I dont smack my child and she is 5 years old and has been spanked all of maybe 3 times. Time outs work fantastic.

I was more trying to go along with the lines of "How has what is viewed as abuse changed?" then "this is how I raise my kids"

by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 3:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
little.worthen
by Tess on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:10 AM
I don't spank or use a leash.
It's maybe not necessarily child abuse, I just think there are more effective ways to discipline your kids. My kids aren't spanked and they are well behaved and know when I mean business. They aren't afraid of me either.
I don't use a leash because I think lazy people use them. I have small kids that try to wriggle out of my grasp. That's why I prepare. I hold their wrist AND hand in case they somehow wriggle free, and when my hands are full, they are strapped into a seat of some kind.
Even at target in the handicap stalls are little fold down chairs attached to the wall with a harness that you use to strap kids in while you use the bathroom.
I've never needed a leash
schultzal
by Bronze Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:11 AM
I do not fear being labeled an abuser, because nothing I would ever do comes remotely close to abuse. I do not yell, I do not spank or smack, and I do not believe in using manual labor as a form of punishment.
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Jlee4249
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:15 AM

When we first got to Fort Campbell, my husband had a few in-processing "classes".  In one, the point was made that spanking was legal in both Tennessee & Kentucky.  (Ft. Campbell sits on the border of both.)
My dh laughed, b/c the guy giving the information made it painfully clear that spanking is legal.  He was making the point that military brats are actually becoming brats and urged parents to embrace discipline...

it was funny.  

My father was military, too.  His answer to everything was spanking...and I mean everything.  
Neither my brother or I grew up to be abusive or destructive or aggressive... or whatever other behavioral scarring that supposedly comes from spanking.
While I don't use spanking as my go-to punishment for my own kids, I am not against it.

busymommy2013
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:16 AM
I think it would be a very good paper to write about. The only problem is finding reliable sources to site. I always pick the difficult subjects. Restraining order abuse was my most recent. I earned an A, but it was so much more difficult finding legitimate facts to support my view, versus other peoples papers with simple subjects like the economy and what not.
jojo_star
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:16 AM
I don't spank or use leashes, or any other form of 'parenting' that could be and often is abuse. I can raise and parent my children without any of those things.
lesalmi
by Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:16 AM

this may be so. But do you see what I mean with how just a few years can completely turn around and change everything? Is there any other examples of things you have seen change in the way child abuse is viewed from the time you were a kid until the time you had kids?

I should also state. I dont smack my child and she is 5 years old and has been spanked all of maybe 3 times. Time outs work fantastic.

I was more trying to go along with the lines of "How has what is viewed as abuse changed?" 


Quoting schultzal:

I do not fear being labeled an abuser, because nothing I would ever do comes remotely close to abuse. I do not yell, I do not spank or smack, and I do not believe in using manual labor as a form of punishment.


 

lesalmi
by Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:20 AM

But do you see what I mean with how just a few years can completely turn around and change everything? Is there any other examples of things you have seen change in the way child abuse is viewed from the time you were a kid until the time you had kids?

I should also state. I dont smack my child and she is 5 years old and has been spanked all of maybe 3 times. Time outs work fantastic.

I was more trying to go along with the lines of "How has what is viewed as abuse changed?" 

 


Quoting jojo_star:

I don't spank or use leashes, or any other form of 'parenting' that could be and often is abuse. I can raise and parent my children without any of those things.


 

lesalmi
by Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:22 AM

  But do you see what I mean with how just a few years can completely turn around and change everything? Is there any other examples of things you have seen change in the way child abuse is viewed from the time you were a kid until the time you had kids?

I should also state. I dont smack my child and she is 5 years old and has been spanked all of maybe 3 times. Time outs work fantastic.

I was more trying to go along with the lines of "How has what is viewed as abuse changed?" and less "This is how I raise my kids"


Quoting little.worthen:

I don't spank or use a leash.
It's maybe not necessarily child abuse, I just think there are more effective ways to discipline your kids. My kids aren't spanked and they are well behaved and know when I mean business. They aren't afraid of me either.
I don't use a leash because I think lazy people use them. I have small kids that try to wriggle out of my grasp. That's why I prepare. I hold their wrist AND hand in case they somehow wriggle free, and when my hands are full, they are strapped into a seat of some kind.
Even at target in the handicap stalls are little fold down chairs attached to the wall with a harness that you use to strap kids in while you use the bathroom.
I've never needed a leash


 

little.worthen
by Tess on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:24 AM
I remember when I was younger and I'd get soap in the mouth for talking back. Or getting my knuckles whacked with the back of a knife when I didn't use proper table manners

Quoting lesalmi:

  But do you see what I mean with how just a few years can completely turn around and change everything? Is there any other examples of things you have seen change in the way child abuse is viewed from the time you were a kid until the time you had kids?


I should also state. I dont smack my child and she is 5 years old and has been spanked all of maybe 3 times. Time outs work fantastic.


I was more trying to go along with the lines of "How has what is viewed as abuse changed?" and less "This is how I raise my kids"




Quoting little.worthen:

I don't spank or use a leash.
It's maybe not necessarily child abuse, I just think there are more effective ways to discipline your kids. My kids aren't spanked and they are well behaved and know when I mean business. They aren't afraid of me either.
I don't use a leash because I think lazy people use them. I have small kids that try to wriggle out of my grasp. That's why I prepare. I hold their wrist AND hand in case they somehow wriggle free, and when my hands are full, they are strapped into a seat of some kind.
Even at target in the handicap stalls are little fold down chairs attached to the wall with a harness that you use to strap kids in while you use the bathroom.
I've never needed a leash



 

lesalmi
by Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 4:25 AM
1 mom liked this

awesome! Thank you! I am sitting here wracking my brain trying to think of enough topics to see if I could write about it and not doing so hot. Thats what I get for deciding to do it at work at 3:30am 


Quoting little.worthen:

I remember when I was younger and I'd get soap in the mouth for talking back. Or getting my knuckles whacked with the back of a knife when I didn't use proper table manners

Quoting lesalmi:

  But do you see what I mean with how just a few years can completely turn around and change everything? Is there any other examples of things you have seen change in the way child abuse is viewed from the time you were a kid until the time you had kids?


I should also state. I dont smack my child and she is 5 years old and has been spanked all of maybe 3 times. Time outs work fantastic.


I was more trying to go along with the lines of "How has what is viewed as abuse changed?" and less "This is how I raise my kids"


 


Quoting little.worthen:

I don't spank or use a leash.
It's maybe not necessarily child abuse, I just think there are more effective ways to discipline your kids. My kids aren't spanked and they are well behaved and know when I mean business. They aren't afraid of me either.
I don't use a leash because I think lazy people use them. I have small kids that try to wriggle out of my grasp. That's why I prepare. I hold their wrist AND hand in case they somehow wriggle free, and when my hands are full, they are strapped into a seat of some kind.
Even at target in the handicap stalls are little fold down chairs attached to the wall with a harness that you use to strap kids in while you use the bathroom.
I've never needed a leash

 


 


 

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