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packed his s***

Posted by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:07 PM
  • 10 Replies

 This is a post I made on August 27th....

I just need some reassurance to know I'm not overreacting and my hormones aren't making me go crazy. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and I'm almost 16 weeks pregnant with our first baby, a boy. He is 38 and I'm 25. We have a good relationship and rarely ever fight but my issue is he lies to me so much is hard to stay with him. I just don't trust him. 

Two months ago he left his email up on my kindle and I found out that he had been answering ads on craigslist about discreetly hooking up with girls and sending pics to them, getting their pics, and exchanging numbers. He said nothing happened I forgave him, then 3 weeks later he was on the personal ads again. He said he never responded just looked. I booked a ticket home and almost left but then decided to give him one more chance. 

This last week I found out he was texting a female employee from work. He is the manager and his excuse was she was the keyholder and that's wet sure had his personal cell number. Well they were not texting about work so that didn't make since. He was asking her forgiveness about something and she was saying that he will always have a place in her heart. He put her in his phone under her last name so it seemed he was talking to a male named Stephen. He told me her real name and said he did that so I didn't freak out. The thing I don't get is I've never ever gotten mad at him for talking to his female employees so why would he say that? He got mad once that a male employee had his cell number so why is she different. Why did he just not tell me who it was and why try to make it seem like a guy? It doesn't make sense to me. Then after I asked him about it nicely last night this morning they are deleted?

He says I'm overreacting and I'm being insecure. I have never been insecure about myself or in a relationship other then my ex who kept cheating. He is making me feel this way! His lies make me self conscious. These aren't the only things he lies about but these are the most recent. I'm just confused. At one point I wonder if it's my pregnancy hormones or if I am allowed to feel this way. I have talked so much about him being honest with me that I deserve that because I'm totally honest with him but it still happens. I'm just lost, hurt, and confused. 

btw yes I went through his phone after the last few months I can't help it because he lies and it seems every time I give him a little trust something happens. he says I have nothing to worry about but then why lie and hide it? 

As of today...

I woke up to his iPod that he had been hiding and with him everywhere and the history was cleared. I looked at the internet history in the advanced settings that he obviously didn't know how to clear and found sites in the last few days from things such as,,,,, to,,,,, and many many more. I'm done! I'm over forgiving him and trying to work it out since in now 17 weeks pregnant, and then finding more lies and that he hides. I mean some of those were sexual hook up sites! I have no idea if he had an account with any of those, knowing him he will say they were just pop ups which may be true but not every sexual hook up site he went to can be a pop up in the cookies. Can it? That many? 

He is going to try to say I'm hormonal and over reacting maybe I am. I just don't give a s##t right now. I have told him over and over and over how I feel I'm not waiting for it to lead to something more if it hasn't already. We have been together for one year and I feel life its ALL lies! I love him but not this side of him. He treats me like a queen but now I think it's because he feels guilty for everything he does. 

So I packed his s##t and it's sitting on the front porch for when he gets his in an hour. This apartment is in his name but right now I could care less. ALL of my family is states away he can figure out family to stay with or whatever until I get enough saved up to leave. 

I'm hurt, angry, and feel betrayed! I am also questioning if this is the right thing to do....?? 

CafeMom Tickers
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:16 PM

 If you can't trust him that's enough right there to leave. A person can only take so much s*** before they've had enough and it sounds like you've had enough.

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:20 PM

I would have done the same thing  sorry you are having to go through this while being pregnant. good luck

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by Sapphire Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 6:29 PM

Sorry you are having to go through this,
Without trust not much else matters.
Had I been in your shoes I would be asking my family to help me get home.
Let us know what happens when he gets back from work :)

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 7:37 PM

He can just call the cops and get back in but whatever

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to leave before he humiliates you further by kicking YOU out.

This is why you should never rush through a relationship.  People are so in a hurry for happily ever after, that baby and living together comes before courting and marriage.  Now you are tied to this guy for the rest of your baby's life! 

Get out before he convinces you to stay again.  And honestly, it doesn't sound like he's really trying to get you to stay.  It seems like he's TRYING to drive you away by being sloppy and give completely unconvincing arguments (based on what you said).  You are the one giving him chances...yes, I know...because you love him, but he's not changing.  You just need to leave. 


I will restore the fortunes of my people Israel, and they shall rebuild the ruined cities and inhabit them; they shall plant vineyards and drink their wine, and they shall make gardens and eat their fruit. I will plant them on their land, and they shall never again be uprooted out of the land that I have given them," says the Lord your God.  Amos 9:14,15

May those who curse you (Israel) be cursed and those who bless you be blessed. Gen 27:29b

I will gather all nations and bring them down to the Valley of Jehoshphat.  There I will enter into judgment against them concerning my inheritance, my people Israel, for they scattered my people among the nations and divide up my land. Joel 3:2

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:48 PM
& leave before the baby comes! Once the baby is here & he establishes paternity rights he can force you to stay within the county by court order!
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:50 PM

I would have done the same.

by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 11:38 AM
Get the hell outta now!
Here is what I see....he's older, so he is better at convincing you of the "truth". He's a serial liar /cheater and he has probably always been this way.....I bet you're thinking once the baby comes it will get won't.

First of all, everyone is a fool for someone at some point in their lives....this is your time and there is no shame in it.

You have already confronted him on.lies and it has continued. Right now, your instincts are telling you he's no good for you. If you continue to stay with him, your low self esteem will make you not trust yourself either. Then you will be stuck in an even worse situation. You won't trust him...or yourself, but your insecurities will make you feel you need to stick around for the kid.

Honey I know im saying it without sugar coating it, but I hate to see you next year,still stuck in this mess and in even further.

Advice is what we ask for when we know the answer.but wish.we didn't. Listen to your know what to do. Go back home, spend the rest of your pregnancy in a healthy environment. He will continue to mess with your head and heart...I guarantee it.

Love yourself enough to do what you deserve.
Good luck and God Bless.
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 12:53 PM

He has told too many lies and been forgiven too many times. You are not hormonal and kicking him out is the right thing to do. There never will be a time when you can trust him. No one should live with a liar. Do you want him to bring up your child to lie too? Sooner or later his lies are going to destroy you and your relationship. Get out now while you are still able to get around with your pregnancy. He can't be trusted and its only going to get worse. Also, it is frustrating you and causing you all kinds of stress, which you do not need when you are pregnant. Don't let him destroy you and the baby, stick to your guns and leave him outside. Don't even let him in to explain himself.

by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 1:05 PM

you waited a year to do this?? i would of done it the 2nd time you caught him in a lie only because when it comes to cheating i believe in 2nd chances

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