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sexual desires of a 17 year old boy

Posted by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:00 PM
  • 23 Replies


over the years we have had numerous challenges and now we are facing this.  This seems to be one of the most heartbreaking of all.  My son is actually pretty high functioning and very atypical in many ways.  He is quite verbal so we are fully aware of his desires.  He is very interested in girls and doesn't understand why he can't touch and kiss girls he see's including his teachers and any cute girl he sees in public.  He expressed last night that he doesn't undertand why he can't have a girlfriend.  He says the reason he wants to touch his teachers is that they like him.  When i asked how he knows, he said because they laugh with him, are nice to him and smile at him.  He is obviously is taking the actions in a different light they they are intended.  We have not had the "talk" with him yet as we are afraid that it might lead to him being aggressive and approaching girls with the intention of making this happen.  HELP!!!!

by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:00 PM
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momdoes
by Platinum Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 12:59 PM

Is he autistic?

Regardless if he is or not, you need to sit him down and talk to him, PRONTO. Sounds as if you may be afraid to tell him some stuff. I know its hard, but you must. Tell him what can happen if he forces himslef on others in a sexual manner. If he as high functioning as you say, he just might understand it all. Go to his doctor as well and have him explain why (in a medical way) why is feeling these things.

My cousin is autistic but by no means stupid and we have had to explain things very detailed to get him to understand.

Also, is there not a girl he can have arelationship with? Of course keep an eagle eye on them, but a way for him to form this part of his life in a correct manner.

 

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by Emerald Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 2:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this,

You do need to sit down & talk with him asap :)

Quoting momdoes:

Is he autistic?

Regardless if he is or not, you need to sit him down and talk to him, PRONTO. Sounds as if you may be afraid to tell him some stuff. I know its hard, but you must. Tell him what can happen if he forces himslef on others in a sexual manner. If he as high functioning as you say, he just might understand it all. Go to his doctor as well and have him explain why (in a medical way) why is feeling these things.

My cousin is autistic but by no means stupid and we have had to explain things very detailed to get him to understand.

Also, is there not a girl he can have arelationship with? Of course keep an eagle eye on them, but a way for him to form this part of his life in a correct manner.



Momofmenagerie
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 3:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Check your non profits for developmental disabilities that have manuals regarding relationships to loan...in fact:

http://bciu22.angelfire.com/Circles.html

This is the one we used to give you an idea.
Sorry , idk how to make it " clicky"

Many children/ adults with a disability have the physiological needs and no way to harness that energy . It's pretty rough on them.

Good luck , it's so hard for him to understand and deal with ....and so hard for you to explain without damaging his self worth. :-/
TippySpring
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 3:49 PM

Maybe you could look for a family in your area with a daughter of the same special need that is his age and set them up on a doublt date with them and another responsible couple

TrouserMouse
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Does he see a behavior specialist of any kind?

susannah2000
by Bronze Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 7:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting momdoes:

Is he autistic?

Regardless if he is or not, you need to sit him down and talk to him, PRONTO. Sounds as if you may be afraid to tell him some stuff. I know its hard, but you must. Tell him what can happen if he forces himslef on others in a sexual manner. If he as high functioning as you say, he just might understand it all. Go to his doctor as well and have him explain why (in a medical way) why is feeling these things.

My cousin is autistic but by no means stupid and we have had to explain things very detailed to get him to understand.

Also, is there not a girl he can have arelationship with? Of course keep an eagle eye on them, but a way for him to form this part of his life in a correct manner.

 


Why do you want to put any girl at risk? This kid clearly does not understand the boundaries, and it is to be seen whether just talking to him will eliminate his trying to kiss and touch other women. Why would you want to put a girl in harm's way if he doesn't know how to behave appropriately?
susannah2000
by Bronze Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 7:58 PM
2 moms liked this

I am not getting why, since he isn't behaving appropriately with other women, some posters want him to be set up with a girl? Does no one care about what the girl would feel like if he were inappropriate with her, or God forbid, assaulted her in any way? Especially if she was special needs also? "Yeah, I know you want to touch and kiss women, whether they want you to or not, so let's find you a special needs  girl you can do what you want to with?" This is SO offensive. This kid needs to learn to control his behavior FIRST and THEN see if he can handle being FRIENDS with a girl. THEN see about allowing any kind of romantic relationship.

calsmom62
by Silver Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 7:58 PM
2 moms liked this
there are social arenas for children like your son. dances. parties. social learning groups. check the autism alliance or ARC if he is not autistic but has other learning differences/ delays. or online there are many national groups with local chapters.
NDADanceMom
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:58 PM
Talk to a specialist. He clearly doesn't grasp who is appropriate to desire and who isn't. What are you going to do if he pushes himself on a 12 year old? He will go to jail!
JamieBue38
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 9:03 PM
When I was in High school, a guy who was a year older than me (6'6", 250lbs) was autistic and VERY interested in girls (this was my church youth group). That was all he ever talked about and his parents taught him good self control. The problem was he said things that made everyone uncomfortable, even the guys, and he didn't have any friends. So his BRILLIANT mom decided to ask all the girls (with tears in her eyes) for us to be friends with him and be more kind, she was guilt tripping us. in no way did I ever feel safe about this and my parents told me it was not a good idea. My brother tried to be his friend but this guy was only interested in girls. No way is this safe imo


Quoting susannah2000:

I am not getting why, since he isn't behaving appropriately with other women, some posters want him to be set up with a girl? Does no one care about what the girl would feel like if he were inappropriate with her, or God forbid, assaulted her in any way? Especially if she was special needs also? "Yeah, I know you want to touch and kiss women, whether they want you to or not, so let's find you a special needs  girl you can do what you want to with?" This is SO offensive. This kid needs to learn to control his behavior FIRST and THEN see if he can handle being FRIENDS with a girl. THEN see about allowing any kind of romantic relationship.


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