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Is it ok to feel left out when as a stepmom you are not involved by your
husband when his daughters BDay come around?
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:53 AM
Replies (11-20):
dingysfamily
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 3:25 PM

I would feel left out.  I am a stepmom and have been for nearly 29 years; but I've been in my (step)kids lives for nearly 31 years and have been involved in their birthday celebrations every year.  The only year I wasn't involved in my oldest daughter's (I call her daughter; dh & I don't use the term step when referring to our step kids & they perfer that also) birthday was the year my dh & I met.  The reason for that was because he & I met on her birthday; she had already celebrated it earlier that day and that night is when he & I met.  The next year I was there to help her celebrate.  Unfortunately, not every situation is as easy as mine when it comes to getting along with the steps.

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 4:28 PM

Hmmm I do not know.  I am never left out.  My step kids are all adults though so they just have cake and their mom makes them their favorite meal.  I think it would hurt me especially if they came over to our house alot and i bonded with them.  I love to celebrate things with those i care about.

abecee
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 4:43 PM

What could be wrong with dad and child spending quality time on a birthday?  I would not feel left out

Favourofgod
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:05 PM
She just turned 22 years old. She dont talk to me
We have been married for 4 1/2 years. Her dad
rented her a car and gave her some
money. I was feeling left out cause
he didnt share what kind of car, how
much money, etc. She dont like me
cause I wont let her drive my car
anymore.
RADmomma
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:30 PM
She's 22 & doesn't have a car?

If you have a combined bank account that the money came from I agree that's your right to know.

But if she won't talk to you why do you care??


Quoting Favourofgod:

She just turned 22 years old. She dont talk to me

We have been married for 4 1/2 years. Her dad

rented her a car and gave her some

money. I was feeling left out cause

he didnt share what kind of car, how

much money, etc. She dont like me

cause I wont let her drive my car

anymore.
NDADanceMom
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM
LOL you don't want to be involved in celebrating? You just want to be sure he didn't spend too much! I would leave you out too.

Quoting Favourofgod:

She just turned 22 years old. She dont talk to me

We have been married for 4 1/2 years. Her dad

rented her a car and gave her some

money. I was feeling left out cause

he didnt share what kind of car, how

much money, etc. She dont like me

cause I wont let her drive my car

anymore.
Bmat
by Ruby Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:44 PM

Yes it is. I am sorry that you have this happening. Be sure to tell him, in a non-confrontational way,  that you would like to be part of their birthday.  Or even make your own celebration for her- you and she going out for lunch and shopping, etc.

nmeyer617
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:22 PM


FWIT, your attitude would make me (as the birth mother) not want you included in anything. My ex-husband's new wife was AWESOME in respecting my feelings. Both he and his new wife left it up to me. Because I felt like they were so understanding and sensitive (he moved in with her a month after we split up before our divorce was final), it felt weird that she wasn't there. If she would have just INSISTED and not tolerated it and made it about her, I would have been pissed and not wanted her there. But because it is about the children and she is important to my kids, I actually have been planning my youngest son's third birthday party with her.

Bottom line: It is about the child.

Quoting Nickie76:

I wouldn't tolerate it, and my husband would not go to anything I'm excluded from. We do our own things for my step kids birthdays.



Nickie76
by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:30 PM
Yeah and if BM is an asshole then having separate events is better for THE CHILD. Have a great afternoon :)

Quoting nmeyer617:


FWIT, your attitude would make me (as the birth mother) not want you included in anything. My ex-husband's new wife was AWESOME in respecting my feelings. Both he and his new wife left it up to me. Because I felt like they were so understanding and sensitive (he moved in with her a month after we split up before our divorce was final), it felt weird that she wasn't there. If she would have just INSISTED and not tolerated it and made it about her, I would have been pissed and not wanted her there. But because it is about the children and she is important to my kids, I actually have been planning my youngest son's third birthday party with her.

Bottom line: It is about the child.


Quoting Nickie76:

I wouldn't tolerate it, and my husband would not go to anything I'm excluded from. We do our own things for my step kids birthdays.




Nickie76
by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:33 PM
No actually BM is a scumbag and its ALL about her. I don't tolerate alcohol & pot at a children's b-day day party it's about being an adult. If you people support that then so be it. My step kids are fine w/ our arrangements.

Quoting Wicked.Jester:

You wouldnt tolerate it huh?

Even if its what the child wanted?

I guess their birthdays are all about you.

Quoting Nickie76:

I wouldn't tolerate it, and my husband would not go to anything I'm excluded from. We do our own things for my step kids birthdays.


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