That is mostly your husband's fault. As the woman in his life, he should make sure you are involved with family stuff like birthday celebrations, even if that means doing something separate.
Depends on whether she is living with the both of you or just with her mom. If she is with her mom and you can't go to the party have a little birthday party for her after this one to show her how much you care about her. Don't try to out do the mom with gifts and things. Just a cake and something else age appropriate. If you did go to the party with mom you probably would feel uncomfortable and so would she, so don't worry about it.
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