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DH wants to leave his job...

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:34 AM
  • 10 Replies

DH has been working as an apartment super for the last two years, thanks to his father who helped him get his job. Because he and his father work for the same company, just on two different sides, the company has been trying to start problems with DH, and in my opinion are trying to run him out of the company considering they have nothing to fire him on. DH has dealt with this for the last 6 years, as he worked in maintenance for this company before he became a super. 

Well DH is having panic attacks that lead him to gasping for air, crying (which rarely happens when he isn't have a panic attack), and getting mad/angry. He is scared that he will take this anger/frustrations out on me, our DD and our son who isn't born yet. He called his mother last night and she told him that we can move back into her house and DH can quit his job and go to school to find a better job.

Here is my dilemma. I am 7 months pregnant and we need the health insurance, which DH gets through his job. DH has said that he is willing to stay at least until the end of the year, which is fine, but I do not want to move in with his parents, again. They have a three bedroom house, two of which are taken and I do not see four of us in one room. I guess I am just frustrated. I do not work right now as my job couldn't accomodate my pregnancy. Plus DH doesn't want me to have to work, but I have already told him that I will go back to work after the baby is born. 

I don't want DH to end up in the hospital due to his stress from this job, but I don't want him to quit either. I have been looking for other jobs for him, so I'm hoping he finds something. I am also looking for jobs for me for after my son is born. 

What do you think? And please no bashing...this is a difficult thing for my family to be going through.

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by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:34 AM
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by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:38 AM
I think he should see his doctor about the panic attacks, and just suck it up for a few months. I wouldn't be willing to look at any other options until after we no longer needed the insurance. After that you should get a job and he can look for another one. I don't ever want to work again but I would do whatever I had to to avoid moving in with mine or dh's parents.
by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:39 AM
Jobs are hard to find so unless he has a better job he'd better stick with this one and suck it up
by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:50 AM
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It's horrible going to a job that is causing you to have panic attacks. My husband and I have both experienced it. If I were in that situation (and I was in a very similar one), I would encourage him to search for a new job while still working that job for about 3 months so that you can have the baby and have your postpartum checkup. 

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by Group Owner on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:53 AM
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It would be good if he could find another job before quitting.  I was always told not to quit one job until you have a new one.  Going back to school full time when you have kids may not be possible / practical right now - and he may not be guaranteed to find a better job because he went back to school.  Maybe he could take some night classes and work during the day.  Would be best if he was always employed somewhere and never jobless.

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 10:57 AM

 I would encourage him to start looking for another job but he has to stay put until you have insurance and a place to live.

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 11:37 AM

Thank you ladies. I am definitely looking for jobs for the both of us, but mainly for him for right now. I'm glad that he is willing on sticking it out at least until the end of the year. ANd I definitely have no problem with going back to work. DH has always told me that he'd rather me not work, this way I can stay home with the kids and such, and it's nice that he feels that way, but I will go back to work. 

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:09 PM

I hope you know your husband can get meds for that and be fine. but,let me say this I am on ssi because of mine plus bipolar disorder. if your husband is not able to work he needs to seek help for this. I take buspar and it works for me. your husband should not be working that job without medication for himself. 

another thing that could bring this on is moving in with those people. he really needs to be with the least amount of people as possible. if you ever need to ask me anything feel free to. 

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 4:02 PM

He can get medication to help his panick attacks and calm him down.

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 4:13 PM
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I will be blunt. Your dh needs to grow up. Yes, panic attacks are awful. I have dealt with them for years.
However, he is a grown man with a family. Moving in with mommy and daddy is not an adult move.
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 5:05 PM

Something similar happened to my husband recently only he was having suicidal thoughts not panic attacks.  He said he was miserable and had lost all his confidence and dreaded going to work. I could tell how unhappy he was so I told him to quit his job and we sold our 1M home moved into a smaller house in a less desirable neighborhood. He in college now to learn a new skill. 

I think you do whatever you have to do for each others happiness when you're in a marriage. My husband is super grateful and has taken over all the household chores so that I can just relax when I'm not at work, as well as he's redecorating our new place. 

I realize you're in a different place to me, as my twins are now 20, so you can take my story as you will. 

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