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help...ready to give up...

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 1:47 PM
  • 20 Replies

 

Poll

Question: should i stay and work things out or leave?

Options:

stay

leave


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 27

View Results

**UPDATE...

We talked and got alot out the other night, yesterday i picked him up from work he got in the truck, started making out with me, like a complete different person (like the person i fell in love with) the rest of the night was absolutely amazing, we got home and he was all over me, like he actually wanted me, like he actually cared, i made us dinner, made him a cake for his birthday, we cuddled and watched a movie and everything was just amazing and perfect for once, i loved it. then this morning, back to reality :( He started bitching about everything and anything he could, he was bitching because the puppy we just got pooped on the floor and i wasnt watching him good enough, he was bitching because the house isnt clean (yes i have let it go because i have no desire to do anything because of how i've been feeling and how he has been making me feel) he was bitching because i flushed the toilet and the chain got stuck so it just kept running. just anything and everything he could bitch about. also i woke up this morning barely able to swallow because my throat hurts so bad, my nose hurts, feels like there is water in it and it wont stop running, cant stop sneezing, just woke up with a head cold and i feel like crap so hes bitching about me not feeling good...he said that i need to go see someone and talk to someone because i just dont give a shit anymore, and honestly i dont, i dont care about making him happy if he wont try to make me happy! he wants to put all the blame on me for everything and he dont want to take any of it. I know i'm not perfect and yeah i should care, i should have my house spotless, but its hard to care when he comes home, takes off his boots and clothes and just throws them where ever, gets a snack and leaves his wrappers where ever, he will get a drink, dog will spill it, and he dont care to get a towel to clean it up, he expects me to do it all, he doesnt help at all, my 5 and 7 year old boys pick up after themselves more then he does. I'm just sick of everything and feel like just giving up 

arguing


Me and my Boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and I really honestly love him and put up with alot from him. I desperatly want his attention, i have been asking, bitching, crying, pleading with him for about a year to spend more time with me when he is at home. He works full time as a mechanic, he does side mechanical work, and he also owns a lawn business so i know that he is a very very busy man and i'm not asking him to take time away from his work, i ask that when he is home to give me attention, show me love, but when he comes home he litterally walks in the door, takes off his boots, strips off his clothes, gets a shower then goes and lays in bed and watches TV until he passes out for the night, and he expects me to wait hand and foot on him to get him drinks, food, or whatever else he needs. and it seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes on, sex, we used to do it at least 4 times a week, that is down to once a week and i cant even get off anymore when we do have sex. I think its mainly because i have to fight for his attention, and i'm left upset and hurt most of the time because he just ignores me. I just at the point now of, do i stay and keep fighting for what i want or do i give up and find it elsewhere? i just dont know what to do anymore. i've tried talking to him and telling him how i feel and its like he dosnt care, he says he cares but he doesnt show it. ehhh please help...i need advice, anything that will help. I just want to be happy and I want to be happy with him but i dont know if that is possible. 

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 1:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
inezmm2000
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 1:57 PM

I know how you feel, thats how it is with my kids father, well not as bad he doesn't bitch about everything little thing anymore but... Let me just say, if its only been a year and a half then it won't be that hard to end it. If your really not happy and its effecting your life then you need to end it. Your priority is your kids not him (fully). Life is too short to not make yourself happy. I've been with my girls father for ten years and all though I love him, I'm bored and miserabe at times because he doesn't like to nothing especially things I like. i don't know though to each her own. Hope your able to figure it out for yourself, keep your head up :)

footballmom5573
by Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:01 PM

thank you, this really helps, any advice right now helping, i have no one to turn too for help, i have no friends, and family, i only have my mom but she is busy alot so its hard to sit down and talk to her. 

Quoting inezmm2000:

I know how you feel, thats how it is with my kids father, well not as bad he doesn't bitch about everything little thing anymore but... Let me just say, if its only been a year and a half then it won't be that hard to end it. If your really not happy and its effecting your life then you need to end it. Your priority is your kids not him (fully). Life is too short to not make yourself happy. I've been with my girls father for ten years and all though I love him, I'm bored and miserabe at times because he doesn't like to nothing especially things I like. i don't know though to each her own. Hope your able to figure it out for yourself, keep your head up :)


momto3B
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:07 PM

I am sorry you are going through this. I would have to honestly say that you deserve better. Your boys also deserve better. 

I would normally say go to counseling but I honestly think you should just move on. 

Best of luck.

RADmomma
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Good Luck
RADmomma
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:13 PM
Don't waste your time in a one sided relationship. It's not good for you & it's not a good example for your boys.
AngelPies_Mama
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 2:16 PM

Hugs* So sorry you are going through this. However it seems as though it is time to walk away. If your boys  are seeing him treat you this way then they might see this kind of behavior as acceptable towards women. Save your self the heartache and save your boys from lousy teachings.

BNC1100
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:38 PM

First off, I am not going to tell you to stay or leave , you are the only one that truly knows your situation and can make that decision. I have seen alot of posts and alot of women on a rampage against men we don't even know lol. I guess thats them strong independent women I only dream of being.

Here is my thoughts: Don't feel bad I don't have any freinds either. I suffer from depression among other things and sometimes I feel the way you are feeling right now. I think we can get ourselves into a rut from time to time and things can get pretty complicated. 

I do know that it is very difficult to live with a person who has depression, and it does add alot of stress to a relationship. The person that is'nt depressed cant understand why you are not motivated to do a damn thing and probably feels that you are being completely irrational in alot of areas, and most likely feels like you don't care about anything or even the other person. On the other hand the person who is depressed gets irritated alot easier than normal, they have little to no motivation to do anything, and its not that they don't care or love the person, its just that they are not always capable of expressing any feelings for anything.

Problems cant be fixed over night either it takes time to work on things. Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I would not doubt that he didnt mean everything that he said to you the previous night. Just give it some time keep talking about this stuff with him and work on it. Maybe you should consider seeing a counselor for yourself . A counselor can help you sort through alot of what you are feeling and they can offer  you better advise on how to handel some things. It is worth a shot.


footballmom5573
by Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 4:06 PM

wow, your reply literally made me cry, i have been severly depressed before and i think i'm falling back into it...its hard and even harder when i have no one and am home alone all day with no one to talk to, my thoughts get the best of me. I get excited when i know hes coming home from work but usually to be let down by him ignoring me. I've expressed how i feel and how much it hurts that he ignores me and how much i crave his attention and just want to be able to have a conversation with him without having to repeat myself because hes too into watching the tv. I really really want things to work out with him, i want nothing more then that, we really do have a good life together outside of all of the arguements, we have a great house, my 2 boys, his son, 2 dogs, and he is always trying to do for the kids, whenever they want something he tries his hardest to get it (dirtbikes, quads, etc...) i just wish our relationship could be stronger and better...i really try to be positive but its really hard sometimes. I always wake up with the mentallity of "this is going to be a good day, we are going to get along, not fight and love each other" and i'm usually happy all day until he starts and changes my mood. I hope and pray everyday that he will be sweet for once and make me smile again, thats all i want, that would make me happy. And i know he gets frustrated with me when i didnt do much around the house but most days i just dont have the motivation because of the mood he puts me in.

Quoting BNC1100:

First off, I am not going to tell you to stay or leave , you are the only one that truly knows your situation and can make that decision. I have seen alot of posts and alot of women on a rampage against men we don't even know lol. I guess thats them strong independent women I only dream of being.

Here is my thoughts: Don't feel bad I don't have any freinds either. I suffer from depression among other things and sometimes I feel the way you are feeling right now. I think we can get ourselves into a rut from time to time and things can get pretty complicated. 

I do know that it is very difficult to live with a person who has depression, and it does add alot of stress to a relationship. The person that is'nt depressed cant understand why you are not motivated to do a damn thing and probably feels that you are being completely irrational in alot of areas, and most likely feels like you don't care about anything or even the other person. On the other hand the person who is depressed gets irritated alot easier than normal, they have little to no motivation to do anything, and its not that they don't care or love the person, its just that they are not always capable of expressing any feelings for anything.

Problems cant be fixed over night either it takes time to work on things. Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I would not doubt that he didnt mean everything that he said to you the previous night. Just give it some time keep talking about this stuff with him and work on it. Maybe you should consider seeing a counselor for yourself . A counselor can help you sort through alot of what you are feeling and they can offer  you better advise on how to handel some things. It is worth a shot.



dingysfamily
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 4:11 PM

I honestly get the feeling that neither one of you is going to really make an effort to go the distance to really even try and fix your relationship.

Bmat
by Ruby Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 4:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Get checked for depression for sure, since you have a history of it. Depression is miserable and keeps a person from even wanting to do what they feel should be done.  After you discover if you have depression again, and after you have been checked for other physical problems that can make you feel so tired and sad, then decide that you will take charge of your own happiness and not be dependent on your husband.  Make a strong effort, even so, to make his home his castle. Greet him with a smile. Fix meals that he likes, ask him about his day.  I like to quote the old song :Wives should always be lovers, too.   Be his wife,  love him and support him. and meanwhile take classes and explore your own talents and goals. Underneath the depression is a strong woman.  You can do this!

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