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Would you forgive (or expect forgiveness) if there was cheating going on in your marriage?

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Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:09 AM
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Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks Cheating Shouldn't Ruin a Marriage

by Michele Zipp

gwyneth paltrow familyWe have to hand it to Gwyneth Paltrow even though it pains some of us to do so. The woman is making her marriage to Chris Martin work and she's making it look easy. We should remember that this is a couple who chose the names Apple and Moses for their kids -- if they can agree on that, they can agree on anything.

Apparently Gwyneth would also forgive her husband of 10 years if he cheated on her. And she expects he would do the same. Cheating shouldn't ruin a marriage, she thinks. And I agree with her.

Cheating, oftentimes, is a symptom of a problem. There has to be something huge going wrong for a person to cheat. So it's not necessarily the act of cheating that ends a marriage, it could be the culmination of all the other issues with the cheating being the cherry on top. Bad description, I know. Nothing sweet about it. It's all horrible -- cheating, marriages ending, love lost. Which is why when couples can make it work -- truly make it work and be truly happy -- that's an art. An art Gwyneth and Chris have seemed to master so far.

On cheating, Gwyneth said, "No couple is the same, and as such, every couple takes on different challenges. I would like to think that I would be forgiving and/or forgiven, but I can’t give an honest answer as I haven’t really experienced that." She also said that if Chris cheated on her, she'd want to know right away and not years later. I have to agree with her again there. What is this world coming to? I'm agreeing with Gwyneth!

Cheating happens sometimes because people screw up all the time. You can say that shows there isn't enough commitment in the relationship, but breaking up after cheating also shows that the couple can't stick it out through thick and thin or as we vow "in good times and in bad."

As with anything ... it always depends.

What do you think? Would you forgive (or expect forgiveness) if there was cheating going on in your marriage?

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:12 AM

I think it depends on the circumstance. If you're able to get past it and Make the marriage work, then go for it. If the cheating party can stop cheating, then relationship is over. No sense degrading yourself like that. 

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:14 AM
Absolutely not, Cheating is a deal breaker for me
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:14 AM
In my marriage, there is no forgiveness, because we clearly agree on it. I think it isn't a deal-breaker in other marriages, and if that works for them then that's wonderful.
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:15 AM
And to add, they are celebrities. There is a lot more temptation in their world than in mine.
by Silver Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:16 AM
I don't know. I am not an easily forgiving person. My trust is given only to a close few. When takes a lot to rebuild. I don't know if I could ever forgive that sort of thing....but I can why people do wirk to get through it. I just don't know if I can.
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by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:18 AM
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IMO, cheating is the ultimate sign of disrespect in a marriage.  It show that our life together was not important enough to come to me with any problems instead of stepping outside of our marriage.  I could forgive him so that we could have a good co-parenting relationship for our son, but I could never trust him in any other type of relationship again.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:19 AM
Well, I tried to forgive and work on it. But after a year of weekly marriage counseling and he still just didn't want to give up his girlfriends, I was done. There's only so much you can do when someone just wants to have the best of both worlds!
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:56 AM
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Nope. I'm out, I'd file in the same day, I'd move out, he can have his things and I'll take mine and dd. He can have her Mon to Wed night and which holidays he chooses. But I'm out.
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:55 AM

It's so hard to say... In the relationship that I am in now, it is so hard to event think about the ramifications of cheating because it is so far removed from reality but, when I was in the military, I saw lots of (meaningless) cheating and while it disgusted me, I didn't see it as a deal breaker to many.  We were away for 270 days a year, it's REALLY an obstical that can't be understood without experiencing it.  There are just to many variables in this question to give a point blank answer.

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:00 AM
No and no. You are conveniently overlooking the fact that she doesn't think cheating should end her own marriage. Not that she thinks cheating shouldn't end any marriage.

She hasn't had to deal with it. Yet. She said so herself.

And the truth of the matter is, is until you do deal with it, you don't know jack. You really don't. Because cheating changes things you don't even think about it changing in a relationship. It rarely recovers. And if you want to sit in that mess that you didn't create, the other person did when they decided to sleep with someone else, then you go ahead. But don't tell other women it is the way it should be done.
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