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Would you forgive (or expect forgiveness) if there was cheating going on in your marriage?

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Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks Cheating Shouldn't Ruin a Marriage

by Michele Zipp

gwyneth paltrow familyWe have to hand it to Gwyneth Paltrow even though it pains some of us to do so. The woman is making her marriage to Chris Martin work and she's making it look easy. We should remember that this is a couple who chose the names Apple and Moses for their kids -- if they can agree on that, they can agree on anything.

Apparently Gwyneth would also forgive her husband of 10 years if he cheated on her. And she expects he would do the same. Cheating shouldn't ruin a marriage, she thinks. And I agree with her.

Cheating, oftentimes, is a symptom of a problem. There has to be something huge going wrong for a person to cheat. So it's not necessarily the act of cheating that ends a marriage, it could be the culmination of all the other issues with the cheating being the cherry on top. Bad description, I know. Nothing sweet about it. It's all horrible -- cheating, marriages ending, love lost. Which is why when couples can make it work -- truly make it work and be truly happy -- that's an art. An art Gwyneth and Chris have seemed to master so far.

On cheating, Gwyneth said, "No couple is the same, and as such, every couple takes on different challenges. I would like to think that I would be forgiving and/or forgiven, but I can’t give an honest answer as I haven’t really experienced that." She also said that if Chris cheated on her, she'd want to know right away and not years later. I have to agree with her again there. What is this world coming to? I'm agreeing with Gwyneth!

Cheating happens sometimes because people screw up all the time. You can say that shows there isn't enough commitment in the relationship, but breaking up after cheating also shows that the couple can't stick it out through thick and thin or as we vow "in good times and in bad."

As with anything ... it always depends.

What do you think? Would you forgive (or expect forgiveness) if there was cheating going on in your marriage?

by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Replies (11-20):
EmilysMom2010
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Nope. I couldn't do it.
Bmat
by Ruby Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:47 AM

I have to agree with this.  He would have been proved dishonest.

Quoting brysonsmommy_10:

IMO, cheating is the ultimate sign of disrespect in a marriage.  It show that our life together was not important enough to come to me with any problems instead of stepping outside of our marriage.  I could forgive him so that we could have a good co-parenting relationship for our son, but I could never trust him in any other type of relationship again.


RADmomma
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:44 PM
I doubt I could forgive & forget but I e never been cheated on while married so I can't say for sure
babicakes19
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:52 PM
I personally have experienced this. It is hard but you try to work through it. The problem is when it continues to happen. You have to decided if your going to continue to put up with it or move on.
BamImBak
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:52 PM

I think it is a disrespect. However I also feel it depends.  Where kids are involved counseling and a willingness on the part of the offender would be  a key factor in making a final decision. Divorce causes a vicious cycle to continue. Nothing good comes out of an unforgiving heart. You give your power to live over to the offender if you refuse to forgive. 

Succubus1987
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:56 PM
This

Quoting brysonsmommy_10:

IMO, cheating is the ultimate sign of disrespect in a marriage.  It show that our life together was not important enough to come to me with any problems instead of stepping outside of our marriage.  I could forgive him so that we could have a good co-parenting relationship for our son, but I could never trust him in any other type of relationship again.

ShesALady
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I would and did leave. The exact day I found out he was cheating. Never even considered staying. I am much happier now. I can't have a healthy successful relationship or marriage if there is no trust. Why work so hard for someone who wasn't willing to work on problems before stepping out of the marriage? Lifes too short and too many fishes in the sea.
Wicked.Jester
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 2:29 PM

Sorry I don't agree.  My husband is an adult and its his responsibility to address any problem he has with me before it leads to cheating.

He cheats, he is out, period.

Wicked.Jester
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 2:32 PM

Bak:

I think it is a disrespect. However I also feel it depends.  Where kids are involved counseling and a willingness on the part of the offender would be  a key factor in making a final decision. Divorce causes a vicious cycle to continue. Nothing good comes out of an unforgiving heart. You give your power to live over to the offender if you refuse to forgive. 

Forgiveness and staying are not the same.

You can forgive someone and know that your marriage is still over.

Jessy76
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 5:07 PM
I know that I personally would not be able to get over it. Once trust is broken like that I just can't see ever being able to fully trust that person again. I can accept and move forward from a lot of things but cheating is something done intentionally. When someone cheats they know what they are doing is GOING to hurt the other person that they are supposed to love. Doing that shows they could care less about how their action effect you. Why would anyone want to be with someone who is that callus towards their feelings.
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