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Grandparents showing favoritism? what would you do?

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:15 PM
  • 45 Replies
Wanted to know if other moms out there have been through this type of thing. My parents are the only active grandparents. I have three children, the oldest is my son who is 9 and from a previous relationship. I also have two girls with my husband of 7 years. This month was the kids birthdays and money was tight so everyone got a cake and a small gift from me. My parents bought only my son a gift and it was a tablet. They insist on only having him spend the night because they say "my girls have a father". My sister and her boyfriend can drop their two children off whenever they want and its never an issue. When my girls are there at their house they make comments about my 6 year old not being cute or pretty. My mom has actually in a heated argument with me said in front of my daughter that she doesn't love her. My 6 year old is also chubby she weighs 69lbs, to which my mom says "I can't look at her because of how she looks". I know its because they don't like my husband. As a result the kids are against one another. My son loves his grandparents but my daughter is hurt by them. If I keep the kids away I get accused of doing it because I'm being mean. Not sure what to do. This has been ongoing for the last two years and only getting worse. They only ever do for my son and it bothers me but they don't care.
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
erinsmom1964
by Ruby Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:32 PM
4 moms liked this

Seriously shame on you for allowing this to happen to your daughters.  I would cut all contact.  Why the F do you care if they call YOU mean.  Protect all of your children

natural_s
by Bronze Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:08 PM

I would say something and if things don't change then they will not be having any contact. One thing I do not believe in or like is parents/family showing favoritism between kids. This can have a very negative effect on your girls and possibly later on between the siblings even though they are not to blame but kids do not see it that way.

As parents we have to protect our children as much as possible and sometimes that means standing against those that are close to us.

DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Our rule, all or none. Eventually it sinks in and they do take all. My parents favor my oldest also because she has no father so they say.. So i know what your going thru.... All or none mama
monkeyrhea
by Bronze Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I would cut contact. It is not fair to your children. I was the favorite Grandchild growing up while my brother and sister were basically considered scum. Looking back I feel guilty for something I had no control over and feel so terrible for my brother and sister. I also had this issue with my own mother. She favors my nephew over my children. My last straw was when she said that not going to come to my sons birthday party. When I said that she would be there if my nephew you was there she said of course she would. That was the last of our relationship. I will not let my children feel second best to anyone.

ladyauditore360
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:43 PM
I have had it out with my family about these issues but its always that I am the bad one. I would never want to keep grand children from their grand parents. I guess is just hard to pull away from family. My husband and I have had some major issues which makes it hard to cut contact. The biggest issue I face with this is explaining to my son why he can't go to his grandparents house. How do I explain that?
ladyauditore360
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:46 PM
I do protect my kids. I have been in some difficult situations which is why I have had to be in contact with my parents.


Quoting erinsmom1964:

Seriously shame on you for allowing this to happen to your daughters.  I would cut all contact.  Why the F do you care if they call YOU mean.  Protect all of your children


jaycam
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:48 PM

That would be a no go for us. Yes there are times were my parents take just my dd or just my ds but it isn't because they like one more then the other. They will take both kids if I need them to or ask them too. When they take one at a time it is to speans time with just that one and normally the next week around the take the other and speand time with. They also only have one guest bedroom with one bed in it and the kids don't like to share the bed without fighting and now that they are getting older they don't need to be sharing a bed. However my sister clams our parents like my kids more when that is not the case at all. It's just alot easier for them to speand time with my kids and do things for them or with them then my sisters since they live in another stay. My ex in laws was the same way yours are and I wouldn't allow my kids around them because of it and the problems it can cause for the future no kid should ever have to go through that and the grandparents that are doing it wouldn't have anything to do with any of my kids if they pulled that.

balagan_imma
by Bronze Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:49 PM

My MIL has just started showing a huge favoratism with my kids in the past couple of years. The sun, the moon and the stars revolve around my oldest. She'll talk to the other kids, but if she asks a question or calls, it's always for my 15 yr. old.

She also has 5 other grandkids who live overseas. She always favored our second nephew over the other 4 kids; and then my kids once they were born they were the stars. And it's gotten much worse lately as well. It has gotten so bad that she wouldn't go to her oldest granddaughter's wedding last year. And after the wedding, when the girl called the next day she wouldn't even speak with her.

At this point there isn't much we can do. When she is over, we include all of the kids. And she never asks to have any of them over, so that's a moot point.

notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this
Nope. They'd treat them all the same or they wouldn't see any of them.
ladyauditore360
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 2:04 PM
I was unaware that this problem is so common. I have step children, and I have never not would I ever treat them differently. I just always believed in treating children the same. I guess not everyone does and that's sad.


Quoting balagan_imma:

My MIL has just started showing a huge favoratism with my kids in the past couple of years. The sun, the moon and the stars revolve around my oldest. She'll talk to the other kids, but if she asks a question or calls, it's always for my 15 yr. old.

She also has 5 other grandkids who live overseas. She always favored our second nephew over the other 4 kids; and then my kids once they were born they were the stars. And it's gotten much worse lately as well. It has gotten so bad that she wouldn't go to her oldest granddaughter's wedding last year. And after the wedding, when the girl called the next day she wouldn't even speak with her.

At this point there isn't much we can do. When she is over, we include all of the kids. And she never asks to have any of them over, so that's a moot point.


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