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need some advice fast

Posted by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:36 PM
  • 14 Replies
Ok i'm not collcting child support from my sons dead beat hasn't been around father. i had a good reason not to though if i went to force child support then they would have to legitimise him as the father which he and i know he is and no one is dissagreeing but the state does it for legal purposes. if he got legitamised then he would have all his rights. now this man is a very vengeful man on my birth day when i was still with him he got me a diamond necklace i hugged his neck and kissed him and told him how much i loved him but that wasn't everything he expected and since i went to a party my friends were throwing me he decided to make a scene there chasing me around and screaming at me calling me a bad mother because two or three people would be drinking there and that was a bad envirorment for our son, now the whole time he was yelling at me i had the baby in my arms waiting for my mother to come pick me up so i could leave. i broke up with him that night now the next time he came to see the baby he was trying to talk to me about my personal life and i reminded him he was here to spend time with his son and not me a sec. later he was trying to take the baby despite the fact that it was hot outside his car had no AC and turned off every time he came to a complete stop! not to mention wesley was breast feeding and would only take the breast. i managed to talk him out of taking the baby and he stopped by twice more. the last time he saw his son was for 30 min. on x-mas before he had something better to do. the last time i talked to him he asked if there was any chance of us getting back together to witch my reply was no, he abruptly got off the phone and never called again. now that i'm trying to get medicaid they are forcing me to go after child support and i dont know what he will do especially when he has full rights. does any one know of anything i can do?
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
zoeysmom331
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:39 PM

Try contacting a social worker, they might have some advice for you.

de-stressme
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:41 PM

Hi, first you need to make child support aware of his temper, etc.  You can petition the court for limited/supervised visitation.  That way someone has to be there when he is with your son.  There's less chance of him running off with him that way.  Request that it be with someone you trust; that way, you don't have to see or deal with him.

Good Luck

gimmykissy77
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:44 PM
I have not been in that situation, however i wouldn't name the father. I does seem like he is better off not knowing his father. Couldn"t you play stupid to the state? How could the state find out the truth without a DNA sample of the father? Sorry
shortstack
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:44 PM
open a case on him first that way youll have temporary custody until the court gives you full custody wich is obvious they will. but it sounds like you are better off with zero contact from this guy so maybe look into some programs that arnt free but do base off your income or are at least cheaper
crazymom4
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:44 PM
This really wrong but I knew someone who did it many years ago to sve her baby from a bad dad tell them you do not know it may be embarassing but it will be nothing new to them.
Tricia425
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:49 PM

I do not think the state will accept you not knowing who the father is. . .  come on who doesn't know who they sleep with.( in most cases no offense to those of you who don't)You could also ask for a court apointed person and they set up the place. Very impersonal but safe.If you go this route you may not be able to be present during vists.  My area does this I do not know where you are from. You should look into legal aid and get some advice from a lawyer. I have a number  but I do not know where the sevices are offered. Send me a message if you have any questions. Trust me I have been there!!!!
butterflymommie
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:55 PM
 I an going through the same thing only it is my husbands first child. The best advice I can give you is to stay away from him! This guy does NOT have your baby's best intrest in mind! Get to the state (they favor women) at least in my half of the universe (which is where our problem is.). They will set you up with either a case worker or steer you to a non profit lawyer both are good! KEEP A JOURNAL, when he is late, when he calls and is nasty, when he is just acting like a jerk. It will help. Try to get character witnesses for yourself, people who have seen the way he acts and are as offended as you!

Anything else let me know I have been going through this for 6 years with my husband and his ex!
 
Lovingmybaby
by on May. 7, 2007 at 11:55 PM
I would get a no contact order from you and your kid since he is going to be all crazy and then get him for child support. Maybe you could talk to him and he is cool with being there for his son then all of its unnessisary, but if he flips out on you, you could use that as your reason amungst many for child support and a no contact/ restraining order. You are the mother and you will more then likely win all custody of your baby.
mom2brayandbri
by on May. 8, 2007 at 12:05 AM
My advice to you is to go ahead and start for child support. Go down to your medicaid office and tell them they have started. I know that I my son has a father that sounds a lot like this guy. Tell your child support  worker of his temper. You are the mom they are going to listen to you and if your child is going to be in danger they will set something up to make sure he is safe. But to be honest with you the dad that doesnt show up to visit before there is child support doesnt show up after there is child support. So go for it get the money for your child and the medicaid you need. Just make sure to tell them of his temper that way you can get supervised visits or something! Best of luck to you!
TexasMom86
by on May. 8, 2007 at 12:07 AM
Hey Girl, I know exactly how you feel and your situation.  My boy's father was a dead beat at first (and still kind of is) and i didnt want him to have anything to do with the baby. I didnt tell him when I was going in to have the baby and I didnt call any of his side of the family till after they came to get the birth certificate info. I wasnt going to file for child support but when I went to apply for medicaid i didnt think about it i put down that he was the father but not on the birth certificate. Then I started getting stuff in the mail for child support and they had refered me. We went for child support but by that time we were trying to work things out. And when we got the order and all that they didnt discuss the visitation with us so they gave him standard visitation. Then after he left me when we found out I was pregnant again I had decided that I wasnt gonna put him on this babys bc either. And when he decided that he wanted to be a father and finally started paying child support after he was already $3,000 dollars behind I got a lawyer and took him to court and got his visitation changed so that he wouldnt have my son for the entire weekend. But with my youngest  when I applied for Medicaid I told them that I didnt know who the father was, I told them that I had a really bad night cause I was upset about the break up and I dont remember what happened so they havent done anything about the childsupport. If you have already told them about who the father is then I would just get a lawyer and explain you concern about his temper and the fact that you dont think that he can take care of your son by himself. thats what I had to do. GOOD LUCK girl and I hope that everything works out for you. If you need someone to talk to then just message me anytime.
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