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Need some advice please PIOG

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:03 PM
  • 19 Replies
I've been dating this guy for a few months now. He's good with my kids and he does a lot for me as well. He cooks and cleans and does laundry and has a job as well. He had been also been helping me with rent since I can't afford my rent at the moment. I work 2 jobs so hopefully soon I can pay my own rent again. I pay everything else in the house without any sort of assistance including rent cable/internet/phone power car payment gas groceries and everythin My kids need. I even paid for his car registration. My issue is though he drinks even though he doesn't get drunk he still drinks a lot everyday. I'm ok with the occasional beer but this morning I woke up to 3 16oz cans of empty beer and an empty bottle of jacks. I've talked to him about it before and it blows up in to a fight. He says he's been drinking most of his life and I'm not going to change him and he gets pissed. When he wakes up I'm going to say something to him again and chances are he will leave this time. He's never hurt me or the kids But i don't want my kids around the drinking and I don't know how much more of the drinking I can take. He drinks from the minute he gets up to the minute he goes to bed except for when he's working. Any advice would be great thanks
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Cmgmqmmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:04 PM
2 moms liked this

Nope, that would be a deal breaker, I'm sorry. it sounds like he is a functional alcoholic. It's honestly only a matter of time. I would be concerned about leaving my kids alone with him as well.

Lunarprancer
by Betsy on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:05 PM

What are you asking?  How to pay rent?

jenking04
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:06 PM
That's my biggest concern. What's a functional alcoholic?? He openly admits to being an alcoholic


Quoting Cmgmqmmom:

Nope, that would be a deal breaker, I'm sorry. it sounds like he is a functional alcoholic. It's honestly only a matter of time. I would be concerned about leaving my kids alone with him as well.


jenking04
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:08 PM
How to deal with the situation I plan on talking to him when he gets up and I know it's going to piss him ofg.I just need advice


Quoting Lunarprancer:

What are you asking?  How to pay rent?


Cmgmqmmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:09 PM

Meaning he drinks but is still able to go about his life. My dad was a functional alcoholic. He was never violent, never mean, never drove drunk. He was a rarity in that. Most "functional" alcoholics either get better or they get worse and become alcoholics that have their drinking interfere with their lives. Meaning loss of job, maybe violence, etc.

I would say you need to make it clear to him that you are genuinely concerned and that it's a breaking point for your relationship because you care about him. If he isn't willing to stop, then be prepared to make a hard choice. I wish you luck, I know it isn't easy when you care about someone and would prefer they fix themselves instead of cutting them out. 


Quoting jenking04:

That's my biggest concern. What's a functional alcoholic?? He openly admits to being an alcoholic


Quoting Cmgmqmmom:

Nope, that would be a deal breaker, I'm sorry. it sounds like he is a functional alcoholic. It's honestly only a matter of time. I would be concerned about leaving my kids alone with him as well.



 

jenking04
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:12 PM
I've seen him drunk maybe twice but he just passed out. I'm ready to make that hard choice ave move on If I have to. I doubt he's going to change his habits


Quoting Cmgmqmmom:

Meaning he drinks but is still able to go about his life. My dad was a functional alcoholic. He was never violent, never mean, never drove drunk. He was a rarity in that. Most "functional" alcoholics either get better or they get worse and become alcoholics that have their drinking interfere with their lives. Meaning loss of job, maybe violence, etc.


I would say you need to make it clear to him that you are genuinely concerned and that it's a breaking point for your relationship because you care about him. If he isn't willing to stop, then be prepared to make a hard choice. I wish you luck, I know it isn't easy when you care about someone and would prefer they fix themselves instead of cutting them out. 




Quoting jenking04:

That's my biggest concern. What's a functional alcoholic?? He openly admits to being an alcoholic



Quoting Cmgmqmmom:


Nope, that would be a deal breaker, I'm sorry. it sounds like he is a functional alcoholic. It's honestly only a matter of time. I would be concerned about leaving my kids alone with him as well.





 


maureen813
by New Member on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:14 PM
2 moms liked this
You sound like a smart lady and a very hard working, devoted mother. I really think you know the answer to this, don't you? I do not know if this makes any difference but I am a wife, mother of two children and clinical therapist working with families and children for the last twenty seven years. In my professional experience, drinking alcohol all day, every day is a pretty clear sign of dependency. The good news is that there are loads of ways to get help and support. Millions of people have began a long journey towards recovery and are now living happy, productive, healthy lives. He can be one of them.
jenking04
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 3:25 PM
The problem is I don't think he's willing to change or wants to change. He drinks his beer like normal people drink their water or soda


Quoting maureen813:

You sound like a smart lady and a very hard working, devoted mother. I really think you know the answer to this, don't you? I do not know if this makes any difference but I am a wife, mother of two children and clinical therapist working with families and children for the last twenty seven years. In my professional experience, drinking alcohol all day, every day is a pretty clear sign of dependency. The good news is that there are loads of ways to get help and support. Millions of people have began a long journey towards recovery and are now living happy, productive, healthy lives. He can be one of them.

maureen813
by New Member on Oct. 8, 2013 at 8:54 PM
1 mom liked this
This is really what I suggest, you are completly correct, you can not change him yet you can respond in a way that let's him know you are serious, Find an alanon meeting and go...this small move sends a clear message to your boyfriend thst you care and love him but recognize that he has an addiction and you are taking action, You have nothing to loose, it is free and anonymous and no obligation to join or commit more that one meeting at a time. You may be surprised that as you change your approach and control what you can, he may also look at things differently!
momofblueeyes04
by on Oct. 8, 2013 at 9:08 PM

From personal experience it sounds like he is an alcoholic which means no one is going to change him except himself. yes he may do a lot for you and your kids however you are right it isnt good for them to be in that envionment espacially if you two are fighting. I would have him leave asap as hard as it may be it will be worth it for you and your kids. hope things get better :) Find youself a real man! You can do it mama!

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