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I need advice PLEASE!!

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:41 AM
  • 32 Replies

So, my daughter started full day Kinder 6 weeks ago, and it has been EXTREMELY hard trying to get her to adjust... seems like one week it is full on crying, then the next week she is better, then back to crying again. We did everything possible to get her used to the seperation anxiety, pictures, necklaces, ect. Well, this Mama has had it. It's like she is determined to be miserable. We have done the reward charts, if she goes the week without crying, she gets rewards on the weekend. This morning she was clinging to me in the car, and the teacher at the drop off pretty much had to drag her out of the car. I am now going to start deciplining her ... I need help trying to figure out what kind of punishments I should use... I am thinking no tv, tablet, electronics on the days that she decides to have full on fits.  I have been very patient, and explained why she has to go to school EVERY MORNING. I am blue in the face from repeating why's. I am TIRED FRUSTRATED and FED up.  I think her teacher is getting that way too. Please help me!  I dont know what to do! 

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kellysp6637
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

 Is this her first experience being away from you?  Like was she in preschool or a daycare program before hand?

How long has she been going to school?  Here they start in September, but some start in August?

Have you asked her why she is behaving this way?

I'm asking these questions, because I'm not sure punishing her is going to be the answer if you can't figure out what may be causing this to begin with.

angie944
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:44 AM

BUMP!

RADmomma
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:45 AM
I agree!!!



Quoting kellysp6637:

 Is there her first experience being away from you?  Like was she in preschool or a daycare program before hand?


How long has she been going to school?  Here they start in September, but some start in August?


Have you asked her why she is behaving this way?


I'm asking these questions, because I'm not sure punishing her is going to be the answer if you can't figure out what may be causing this to begin with.

angie944
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:46 AM

No, she didnt have any previous schooling or daycare, that is why it has been tough.  Monday marked 6 weeks of her being in school, and I know that she can do well, and not cry.  All she says is that she misses me and that she doesnt want to go to school.  We cant do anything more to help her. We gave her a picture of us to keep with her all day at school, a necklace to hold if she misses us, and we have explained why she has to go to school a thousand times. 

Quoting kellysp6637:

 Is there her first experience being away from you?  Like was she in preschool or a daycare program before hand?

How long has she been going to school?  Here they start in September, but some start in August?

Have you asked her why she is behaving this way?

I'm asking these questions, because I'm not sure punishing her is going to be the answer if you can't figure out what may be causing this to begin with.


angie944
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:48 AM

She has went to school without crying for a couple weeks on and off... I know it is possible for her to get through it happily, but it is as if she chooses to be miserable and not want to go. I am SOOOO tired of the bad attitude. Constant whining about it. I was soo very sympathic the first month, but now I cant deal with it anymore. Her teacher is even starting to come up to me and write in her folder how my daughter had another crying fit that day... 

kellysp6637
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:52 AM

 Okay, this explains alot.

There isn't too much you can do about it now, so I won't harp on that...but she is obviously having a hard time adjusting because this is a very new experience for her.  For some children, adjusting to a world without mom by their side, can be extremely difficult.  It sounds like she is one of those children.  Pictures, necklaces, etc, are a great place to start, however, it's no substitution for the preparation that preschool or daycare can provide....

School has really only been in session for a month or so, I truly think punishing her at this point and time is not the answer.....what she needs is understanding and time.....

Maybe you can ask to volunteer once per week in school and really get involved with the PTA or something so that she can see that YOU are in the school too and excited about it.  If she sees your excitement in her school it may help her and rub off.  Plus volunteering will help her feel more confident.

Quoting angie944:

No, she didnt have any previous schooling or daycare, that is why it has been tough.  Monday marked 6 weeks of her being in school, and I know that she can do well, and not cry.  All she says is that she misses me and that she doesnt want to go to school.  We cant do anything more to help her. We gave her a picture of us to keep with her all day at school, a necklace to hold if she misses us, and we have explained why she has to go to school a thousand times. 

Quoting kellysp6637:

 Is there her first experience being away from you?  Like was she in preschool or a daycare program before hand?

How long has she been going to school?  Here they start in September, but some start in August?

Have you asked her why she is behaving this way?

I'm asking these questions, because I'm not sure punishing her is going to be the answer if you can't figure out what may be causing this to begin with.


 

leanntx
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:52 AM
You might try an earlier bedtime. If she's overly tired, it could contribute to her throwing fits. Sorry, I don't have anything else. SS had never been to Pre-K or anything either, but he had DS with him, so he did ok.
fionnula
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:56 AM
1 mom liked this

My son is 10 and almost everyday he asks if he can be absent, and it started in kindergarten!  He would just rather be someplace else!  He never did the crying or clinging.  I feel for you.  You need to be firm, and most importantly, stick with whatever you say.  If it is no tv, then don't give in.  Try to talk to the teacher at a private conference before or after school and see what he/she suggests.  After all, yours is not the first to do this!  She should have some tips for handling it.  At a certain point, the child needs to know there is no more conversation about it, she needs to go, period.  Good luck and hang in there!

NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Take her out and try again next year. Maybe put her in half day preschool until then. The kids and teacher have other things to do beyond dealing with that nonsense.
angie944
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:06 AM

She is in Kindergarten, not daycare, there is no way I would take her out of school because she doesnt want to go. I know that it makes the teachers day much more difficult and I truley have been trying my best to help her cope with this. But in the end, it comes down to HER wanting to have a positive attitude about school.  I cant make her be happy, only she can. I have explained that to her soo many times. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

Take her out and try again next year. Maybe put her in half day preschool until then. The kids and teacher have other things to do beyond dealing with that nonsense.


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