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Uncertainty, lonely sad. Looking for support while man overseas

Posted by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:04 AM
  • 14 Replies
Hello all, new member here.. My fiancé has been doing this contract stuff for 5 years now and just left Monday back to Afghanistan. I don't know how much more I can take. I've never loved anyone more then this man. However working overseas is pulling us apart. I try so hard to be supportive... I've become insecure, lonely and sad. My mind wonders a lot. We fight often because of communication. It internet is not always working well and frustrates us both at times. I've been looking for a support group like this for about a year now. I try to keep busy by going to the gym and doing lunches with my friends. But still I want the comfort of my love..I miss him. I ask him to get a job near home but he says there are no jobs. My friends think I'm crazy and I can see it in their eyes they don't think this is good for me. My family agrees. I can't distinguish anymore if this type of relationship is ok or not. Does anyone feel the same or am I just speaking gibberish?? Lol
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:04 AM
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by Chrissy on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:10 AM
Welcome to cafemom.

Long distance relationships are hard! My husband is military so we have been though several periods of separation due to him being overseas. It has always been worth it to us to maintain our relationship.

It's something you will have to decide if it's a lifestyle you can or want to live. It isn't easy.
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:16 AM
Thank you, that's the hardest part deciding... I love him so much
by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:20 PM


Is your hubby in the military or working with the military?  Have you talked with him about how his contract position is affecting your relationship and how you feel about everything?

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by Sapphire Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 4:48 PM

Welcome to CafeMom,
I would imagine it's normal .. do you have any family or friends close by?
Hugs to you :) 

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:26 PM
I think its easier to love the fantasy. You aren't washing his undies, he isn't listening to you snore. Its like loving a guy in prison. You really don't know him.
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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The first thing you need to do is accept it. This is his job, you know it is so you need to accept it as part of him. My dh travels A LOT and yes it sucks. But I grew to accept it and go on with my life. When he's home, it's great :)

Trust him, love him, support him and maybe communication will get better. If all you do is complain about him being gone, it's added stress on him. His hands are tied, he needs his job to support him and yourself. Good luck!
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:45 PM

I've been married to a military man for 10 years now... it gets lonely when they are away but if you really truely love them, you learn to deal and live for the phone calls. I don't know how much contractors get to call but... any way you do need to be a more independent lady or it is much harder.

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:51 PM


My husband just left a few weeks ago on a Deployment. He is Active Duty so it IS a little bit different, but we have many friends who are civillian contractors as well. 

This is NOT an easy life... not at all. But, Im sure hes right that there probably arent jobs that would pay what hes making now, (depending on where you live of course)

Im not on Cafe Mom much, but If you need someone to talk to about things, let me know. my ears are always open. And honestly... Family & Friends REALLY dont understand unless they have been in our shoes. Soetimes they can be pretty unsensitive because they dont understand! 

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 10:48 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. My ex was in Vietman, (yes, I'm an old woman) and it was the longest year of my life, but you do get through it. As another poster said, you have to decide if this is a lifestyle you can live with. Yes you love him, but this is the job he has chosen, and apparently is what he wants to do. All I can advise is that if you want to stay with him, keep busy, make up your mind that you will make the best of it. Cry when you need to, but don't spend all your time doing it. make a life for yourself. If the internet is out, do something really oldfashioned...write letters. That's all we had back in the "olden days". Good luck.hugs

by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 7:40 AM
Yes we've spoken. There isn't much work here in our state. I understand men need to work, but it seems that is the ultimate priority over us. He is a contractor with DOD.
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