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Do other moms ever feel this way?

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:33 AM
  • 18 Replies
I have been married to my husband for 24 yrs. We share two sons. My older son has ADHD. He was diagnosed when he was 6 and he is now 21. He moved away almost a year ago and while I love him, I am so pleased to be away from him and the ADHD that controlled and at its worse nearly tore my family apart. I was so hands on with my son that it took over my life and eventually my depression was all consumming. My problem is that I miss my son but I'm ok with him being away from home so that I can begin to have a life of my own.
I feel like I'm a bad mother.

Thank you
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
StarLight23
by Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:35 AM

I understand how you feel. It's a balance I think. I have a son with autism and although it's a lot different than ADHD, I can relate.

I am starting my new life too. I'm in my second year of college online and am loving it. I also love the few hours a day I get for him being in school!

Heisenberg
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 11:36 AM

I don't think that makes you a bad mom. My kids are small and everyone has their own challeges. I love my kids but I also look forward to the freedom my husband and I will have once they are grown. I don't imagine I will be one of those empty nesters who doesn't know what to do with their lives. You did what you were supposed to do. You raised your children and let them start their own lives. There's no rule that says you are supposed to martyr yourself and feel sad now that they are on their own. I think a little relief is healthy, normal, and maybe even necessary.

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by Ruby Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 12:53 PM

Big hugs hon,
You're not a bad mother at all.
Enjoy your own time now ;)

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 3:07 PM

You're not a bad mom and you should not beat yourself up for feeling free from the issues that ADHD brings along with it.  

You've spent 21 years raising your son, don't feel bad for enjoying your adulthood now. :)

PinkBeauty001
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:29 PM

You are not a bad mom, dont beat yourself up. I have a son that is 13 and he has ADHD..he lives w/his father now and his father does not "believe" in ADHD..so he is not on any meds to help him control himself. (No wonder he is failing in school..? I am working on getting him back though so he can get the medical help he needs)..sorry back to you sweetie.. I too at times have felt like a bad mother because his ADHD would keep us from functions at church or friends/family houses.. Just depending on his mood that day sometimes we just wouldnt leave the house! At one point I was forced to pull him out of public school and homeschool him for 3 years! I put him back in PS when he was going into the middle school that way he could be in band and play sports. Enjoy your life, your son loves you and I am sure he knows all that you had done/sacificed for him and he appreciates it :)

momofblueeyes04
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:35 PM
I feel your pain my 9 yr old has adhd. I love my kids to death but I look forward to the times they go to grandparents for the weekend once ib awhile. You gave all your time to him it is time for some "me" time don't feel guilty have fun!!
NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:45 PM

I LOVE having my oldest out of the house.  She was so mean to her sister and she ate like a pig!!! (super skinny but damn she cost me a fortune to feed)   I still talk to my daughter everyday and she comes home every other week for a night or 2 but its much better in small doses

lashea727
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:50 PM
I feel the same way cause my son has adhd and he is on meds, I want him to understand that he is different from the other kids. I don't get support from his father side of the family. He has his days in school and at home too I wish he was a regular kid but he is not and IM trying to deal with it and it's very hard too. Good luck
HopeAlive
by New Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 5:24 PM

It sounds like you've been a very hardworking mama for the past twenty-one years! Well done, friend. For every mom there comes a season when she sends her kids off, and after all of the patience and work you have put in, relief is understandable. :) May you be blessed in this new season of your life!

SWasson
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 6:17 PM

Stop feeling like a bad mother. Your feelings sound perfectly understandable. Plus, people are often overjoyed when their adult children leave the nest, even if the kids didn't have any issues.

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