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UPDATE BM wants to give up her rights so she does not pay CS

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 7:28 PM
  • 12 Replies

We are in Texas.


Read previous post if you want to know what has been going on.  But BM sent me a tex this evening that she wants to sign her rights away so she does not have to pay child support.  She said she feels if SD is not going to have a relationship with her she should not have to pay.  I called her then she text me she doesnt want to talk...really?  You send THAT text but then dont want to talk??


So she finally called me and said she might not do it but that is where her head is right now.  She said she upset and pissed all over SD taking the kids swimming.  I told her it is not JUST about swimming it is baout EVERYTHING.  Then she said oh yeah all about her stupid life?  I told her she needs to think about this because it is a huge decision because even if SD comes around in 2 years or 6 years BM did this.  She said no SD did this.  I told no matter what is going on SD will remember that SHE signed her rights away.

So I was doing reserch and it says pretty much BM would have to let someone adobt SD to beable to sign her rights away to stop paying CS.  Which I would probably do and SD would be fine with but still.  But can BM choose who adopts SD or does it have to be me?  DH does not want BM to beable to choose who ever she wants.


Also if she does what does the entire process envolve?  Do you have to get atty and go before a judge if everyone agrees?  How much would this usually cost BM and how much would it cost us?


BTW SD is 14 and I have been married to DH for almost 8 years.  SD has refused to see her mom for about 2 months now.  But this has been going on for 10 years


BM called me this morning and we talked.  She asked if I told DH.  Of corse I did.  I said he was upset.  Not about CS but about his daughters mother not wanting to be her mother.  She said she was just mad and "wanted to hurt SD like she has hurt her".  I told her if she EVER wants a relationship with SD even if its 10 years from now this is not how to do it. I told her I dont know when SD will be ready.  It could be a few weeks, months,  years, or never.  I have asked SD and she says years (i told BM this) but if she signs...it will be never.  She said she would never do it.  So we shall see.  I told her to just leave SD alone at this point and only time will tell.  There is nothing she can do right now that will change SDs mind.  

DH called the AG about where they are on the renual so we could prepare for BM.  They said BM sould be getting her letter soon that her CS will be going from183 to around 265.  Then on top of that they will be adding in insurance which they show her to be 100% for and we pay 85.  So thats going to be fun!  We shall see....All I know is SD is the happiest she has been in a loooong time.

by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 7:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sahmw2010
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 7:42 PM
No clue in TX, but in MI u dont need attorneys if both parties agree, y'all go before the judge and sign paper work. In MI a birth parent can only sign away rights IF the other parent is married and that step parent will be who adopts, no one else. Like i said, no clue about TX that is MI. (Going through same with ex bio)
caligirl7613
by Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 7:49 PM
wow thats pretty heavy. this is what i know about the situation in my state (alabama) BM can not sign her rights away unless you are legally married to her childs father. Also you must be willing and legally able to adopt the child. by legally i mean you cant have any felonies, child abuse charges etc. BM does not "choose" who adopts the child. the child isnt an infant and bm isnt doing an adoption plan. once she signs those papers, she has no legal ties to the child, BM doesnt even have the right to SEE the child. as for CS it won't magically go away once BM signs her rights away. if she is behind and owes back support she will still owe that until its paid off. she will also have to continue to pay until everything has gone through the courts and the final paperwork signed. even when all parties are in agreement nd civil and no arguing and fighting this can sometimes take a year or more, during which time BM is still responsible for paying support. yes lawyers will be needed by both parties and i expect it will cost a few thousand dollars for you to adopt her.
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Lotusflower_21
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 7:59 PM

BM signs her rights away and they are terminated forever once the judge finalizes.   She would have no say in who adopts. Bf would have the say in who adopts and you would petition the court to start proceedings.  

BM would still have to pay cs unless someone adopts.

i will keep you and sd in prayer this is heavy stuff with lifelong ramifications for sd.  

Please encourage BM to seek counseling before she decides this.  

mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:01 PM

I spoke with her tonight.  I told her no matter what she decieds SD will always remember this and never forget.  IF she ever wants a relationship even 10 years down the line this will hurt it.  So IDK what she will do.

Quoting Lotusflower_21:

BM signs her rights away and they are terminated forever once the judge finalizes.   She would have no say in who adopts. Bf would have the say in who adopts and you would petition the court to start proceedings.  

BM would still have to pay cs unless someone adopts.

i will keep you and sd in prayer this is heavy stuff with lifelong ramifications for sd.  

Please encourage BM to seek counseling before she decides this.  


HayKay0810
by Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:10 PM

well when I was adopted by my Dad.  We had to go up in front of a judge and I had to tell him that it was what I wanted. I was 15 at the time and my Bio Dad had not been in my life since I was 2 and no one knew where he was. ( found my bio dad dead like 3 weeks later) My grandmother ( who is a lawyer) took care of whatever cost and paperwork. So at that age I am sure your SD has a say in all of this.

fldavis917
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:15 PM
Sad situation
Lotusflower_21
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:16 PM

Good luck

mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:19 PM
Bump
mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 9:35 AM

From what I understand she thinks she can just walk into court, sign a piece of paper and its over. From now until SD is 18 she owes 5872.00 in CS. It would be cheaper for her to just pay that off and not look back. (I think) because I would make her pay our atty for adoption, she would have to pay hers, and what ever else she would have to pay. I would assume. That would add up to more than her CS. 

Also to add.... She hasnt gotten the paper work but attorny general is about to do a Review on CS since she only pays 183 and it us based lower than min wage. She is now working and makes 9 a hour PLUS we pay for SD insurance so they will add that as well. I thinks that's what will throw her over the edge. DH said he would leave things alone and leave CS as Is if she would just leave SD alone until she is ready. 

mommyof3-2008
by Silver Member on Oct. 15, 2013 at 12:45 PM

bump

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