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A mom in a post today said she felt retarded for not knowing something.  I posted a video from a stop the R word campaign to let her know how it makes people feel.  Some people have heard the word so many times that they just dont realize how hateful the word is.  Sometimes a gentle nudge is enough for people to realize that its no different than any other slur word.  I wasnt judging her.  Its really no different than my great grandpa calling people of color the N word.  He always heard it being used and never really thought about it being hateful.  It was just a word to him.  

She pmd me and said she really didnt care.  its just a word and she and her kids will always use it.  No big deal.  Sad.  What do you think?

by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (11-20):
luvnature
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:13 PM

I hate to break it to you, but developmentally delayed as you say is not ALWAYS the RIGHT word used to describe a mental disability. I speak from experience since my dd's diagnosis is: mild mental RETARDATION. whether I like it or not, I have to use the word to describe my dd's diagnosis to people. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:


Quoting frndlyfn:

I do not use it .   I do not mind if people use it correctly and not as a slur.  When you are using it to call a person a name is when you cross the line.

I understand that some people use it thinking its sometimes the proper word.  In music it can be, but to describe a person it really isnt.  Developmentally delayed, cognitive delays, or even just stating the disorder such as "child with downs syndrome" are much more respectful. 


NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:16 PM
When was that made? I'm a special Ed teacher and i haven't heard that term in many years. I would be fired if i used it in my class.

Quoting luvnature:

I hate to break it to you, but developmentally delayed as you say is not ALWAYS the RIGHT word used to describe a mental disability. I speak from experience since my dd's diagnosis is: mild mental RETARDATION. whether I like it or not, I have to use the word to describe my dd's diagnosis to people. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:


Quoting frndlyfn:

I do not use it .   I do not mind if people use it correctly and not as a slur.  When you are using it to call a person a name is when you cross the line.

I understand that some people use it thinking its sometimes the proper word.  In music it can be, but to describe a person it really isnt.  Developmentally delayed, cognitive delays, or even just stating the disorder such as "child with downs syndrome" are much more respectful. 


frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:23 PM

Thanks for clearing up what the exact score was.  I could not remember.  I do not use the word at all since there are better descriptive words for things.

Quoting lady-J-Rock:

My son saw a pediatric development Doctor. The team did some tests to figure out his IQ. He scored a 67. I asked what that meant. She replied score 50 and lower is mentally retarded. They'll redo the testing in six months to determine if the score is accurate. He's classified as having Autism and a global delay. Development delay and MR are not the same.


Quoting frndlyfn:


Quoting NDADanceMom:


Quoting frndlyfn:

I do not use it .   I do not mind if people use it correctly and not as a slur.  When you are using it to call a person a name is when you cross the line.

I understand that some people use it thinking its sometimes the proper word.  In music it can be, but to describe a person it really isnt.  Developmentally delayed, cognitive delays, or even just stating the disorder such as "child with downs syndrome" are much more respectful. 

Yeah  It is a tricky word for sure.  When i hear it being used towards a person I think of someone who can not function on their own without help like a very low IQ type of thing.   Delays is better used to describe or as you said their specific diagnosis.

 I have worked with adults whom had autism that were thought to be "retarded" given they were diagnosed 50-60 years ago but in the last decade they got the correct diagnosis of autism and found out their intelligence was pretty "average' or above average.



PrimalMom
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:25 PM

I have that same problem. Growing up it was just a word we used in place of a bunch of other words.. silly, stupid, what have you. I also only used the word for things or situations. Never for people. None are complimenting to those with mental retardation. But like most, we never meant any harm by it. As an adult now I avoid using retarded because I want it out of my vocabulary unless Im talking about fireproof clothing. I would feel sick if my kids used it mistakenly as a slang word and offended someone who heard it. Actually now the only time I say something is stupid or dumb usually is in reference to my husband's job that he's complaining about and we don't use those words in front of the kids either.

SWasson
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:25 PM

To describe anything other than general slowness in learning, no, I find the use of it as a general derogative adjective offensive, but I also find campaigns to add a layer to a euphemism snowball offensive, too.

shaunaleigh418
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:31 PM

I do not use that word and neither does anyone else in my household.

Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:32 PM
I an 44 years old and I have never used the word. even add a child I found it offensive
Hadadat
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't use it or the word "gay" to define negative things. DS doesn't hear it at home and doesn't use it himself. I hope that sticks as he gets older.

IhartU
by Silver Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Yes, I do. I'm sick of having to feel bad for someone else being offended by a WORD.

NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:55 PM
So can people call you bitch, whore, etc? They are also just words. If you had a daughter and your child's teacher used those words to describe her?


Quoting IhartU:

Yes, I do. I'm sick of having to feel bad for someone else being offended by a WORD.

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