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A mom in a post today said she felt retarded for not knowing something.  I posted a video from a stop the R word campaign to let her know how it makes people feel.  Some people have heard the word so many times that they just dont realize how hateful the word is.  Sometimes a gentle nudge is enough for people to realize that its no different than any other slur word.  I wasnt judging her.  Its really no different than my great grandpa calling people of color the N word.  He always heard it being used and never really thought about it being hateful.  It was just a word to him.  

She pmd me and said she really didnt care.  its just a word and she and her kids will always use it.  No big deal.  Sad.  What do you think?

by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (21-30):
lady-J-Rock
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:58 PM
I took my son to a pediatric development doctor in August. We had the follow up appointment last Friday. At the initial appointment the Doctor diagnosed him with Autism. At the follow up the Doctor said he scored a 76 on their IQ test. I asked what that means. She replied a score of 50 is mentally Retarded. She's going to redo the test in six months.


Quoting NDADanceMom:

When was that made? I'm a special Ed teacher and i haven't heard that term in many years. I would be fired if i used it in my class.



Quoting luvnature:

I hate to break it to you, but developmentally delayed as you say is not ALWAYS the RIGHT word used to describe a mental disability. I speak from experience since my dd's diagnosis is: mild mental RETARDATION. whether I like it or not, I have to use the word to describe my dd's diagnosis to people. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:


Quoting frndlyfn:

I do not use it .   I do not mind if people use it correctly and not as a slur.  When you are using it to call a person a name is when you cross the line.

I understand that some people use it thinking its sometimes the proper word.  In music it can be, but to describe a person it really isnt.  Developmentally delayed, cognitive delays, or even just stating the disorder such as "child with downs syndrome" are much more respectful. 



Queenfrostine81
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:59 PM
No I don't use it.

She sounds like a trashy bitch.
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luvnature
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:27 PM

It has always been used and the doctor who diagnosed my dd said there was no other way to explain my dd's disability since she has an extremely rare condition and mild mental retardation is the best name to use. she doesn't have down's syndrome, she is not autistic, she is not adhd, she doesn't suffer from seizures or anything else that is well known. her disability all has to do with how her brain is shaped and it is from birth. it is all on paper and legal to use that word. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:

When was that made? I'm a special Ed teacher and i haven't heard that term in many years. I would be fired if i used it in my class.

Quoting luvnature:

I hate to break it to you, but developmentally delayed as you say is not ALWAYS the RIGHT word used to describe a mental disability. I speak from experience since my dd's diagnosis is: mild mental RETARDATION. whether I like it or not, I have to use the word to describe my dd's diagnosis to people. 

Quoting NDADanceMom:


Quoting frndlyfn:

I do not use it .   I do not mind if people use it correctly and not as a slur.  When you are using it to call a person a name is when you cross the line.

I understand that some people use it thinking its sometimes the proper word.  In music it can be, but to describe a person it really isnt.  Developmentally delayed, cognitive delays, or even just stating the disorder such as "child with downs syndrome" are much more respectful. 



coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't use the word and think it's sad others feel the need to.
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BluePandaDreams
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:48 PM
"Nigger" is a word, if used in a derogatory manner can Be a problem. However, that word is used in conversations within certain groups and in certain song lyrics. Why? Well, you would have to ask those people. Do, I use the word? No. I have no reason to, nor is it a commonly used word where I live.

A couple common derogatory words where I am from might be "squaw" or "redskin". Use either one of those words, you would be ignored, laughed at, called an idiot, jumped, depending on the mood and who that person was speaking to.


Quoting NDADanceMom:

Can i ask how you would react if someone used the same explaination to defend why they called a black child the n word?

If they genuinely said it was just a word, they did not mean offense. Does that make it ok?




Quoting BluePandaDreams:

To me "retard" is a word and nothing more. However, I don't use the word in the context of common slang, and have used the word in the manner it has been defined when appropriate. I do work around people who use the word as slang, but oh well. It doesn't bother me. My own child has been known to use the word, and I have told her that her use of the word as slang may offend someone and to choose a different word when she is around people she doesn't know.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Hollybriann
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:51 PM
To me r*****ed is just a word and nothing else like a pp said. If you wanna talk about "special people" then call them "special". I do use the R word...because I don't feel like I'm talking about special people. And I don't see special people as r*****ed. I see them just like any other person and I say hi or smile to them like a normal person.
LilTymomma
by Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:53 PM

NOPE

cLanief
by Gold Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:58 PM
Yes I do and every one I know does too. To us it is a more descriptive word to use than stupid, dummy, moron, acting assinine. . Etc. Usually used as fucking re.... not in a derogatory way to actually mentally disabled or even physically.

Its like fag and gay used to mean completely different things than homosexual... words evolve.
NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok following that logic can you use the n word to describe a person who behaves a certain way and not attribute it to a skin color? So let's say you see some white teen dressed in an urban manner and he speaks in a black vernacular. You tell your kids to stay away from the n$$$(&&.
You aren't saying black people are n words. You are saying people who act like a stereotype of black people are. Yikes!
So if something is ugly, stupid, lame, then the r word should be ok to use? I hope when you think about it you realize its really not ok and it can hurt the people that least deserve to be hurt.


Quoting Hollybriann:

To me r*****ed is just a word and nothing else like a pp said. If you wanna talk about "special people" then call them "special". I do use the R word...because I don't feel like I'm talking about special people. And I don't see special people as r*****ed. I see them just like any other person and I say hi or smile to them like a normal person.
NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 8:01 PM
1 mom liked this
So i assume then if you had someone next to you holding the hand of a Down's syndrome child it would be ok to call something ugly or stupid retarded? It would not embarrass you to use that word with the family listening since its harmless and you aren't talking about a person?

Quoting cLanief:

Yes I do and every one I know does too. To us it is a more descriptive word to use than stupid, dummy, moron, acting assinine. . Etc. Usually used as fucking re.... not in a derogatory way to actually mentally disabled or even physically.



Its like fag and gay used to mean completely different things than homosexual... words evolve.
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