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Upset that he is not first in everything.

Posted by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 2:49 AM
  • 11 Replies

My son Theo is 6yrs old and just started 1st grade. He is a very bright little boy and amazes me everyday. But lately he has started getting really upset that he is not first in everything or the fastest. He has a younger brother Zack who is only a yr younger and his sister just turned 4 months old. Now he is crying in class when he doesnt get to be first. So now his teacher is concerned and wants him to talk to the guidance counselor once a week. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like I am a bad mom and that it was something that I have done or didnt do. My Husband and I have never told him that he needs to be the best or first. I dont know where he is getting this from. Help! Please. I dont want him to be labelled the crybaby by his classmates.

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 2:49 AM
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by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 3:10 AM

being a competitive person may work out for him in the end.  Just explain to him that there are other kids in his class and everyone needs to take a turn.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 3:15 AM

It is just a kid thing. My son is also in 1st grade and has the same issue. I believe that he will slowly learn that he is not entitled to be 1st all the time and can't win at everything. It has nothing to do with you being a "bad mom" and everything to do with him being a kid.

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 8:03 AM

Yep, I agree-he's being a kid. Keep reassuring him that though he may not be the first or the best, he's still doing a great job.

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 8:10 AM

So very true -- "You did your best and that's all that counts!," and "You can't always win at everything!," and "You'll find a sport where you will do better if you practice, practice, practice! " means nothing to their broken hearts.....

by Platinum Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 8:26 AM

My son turned 4 in July, I had thought about putting him in soccer, but decided to wait until this Spring for this exact same reason... if he doesnt run the fastest, get to be first, etc... he falls to the floor sobbing and wont even finish running, even to somewhere as fun as the playground, because he "didnt win", even though there are no winners in the "race" to get to the playground... he is just a sore loser right now, and nothing I say or do can change how he reacts to losing right now, so I try to avoid any activities that require him to "win". I also homeschool for this reason though, if he doesnt want to do something, or if something is making him upset, I dont make him do it or we deal with it accordingly and he isnt forced to try and do something that is upsetting him, even something as simple as being the front of the line, because DD used to have a HUGE issue when she attended PREK and would come home down right upset that she didnt get to be front of the line that day, its so damn silly!! But they have their own emotions, wants and needs and even at that age just cant grasp WHY they cant be first ALL THE TIME.

by Amanda on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:48 AM

My SS is like this.  We remind him that everyone needs to take a turn and that he won't be the best at everything,

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:14 AM

 My son went through a similar phase. But his teacher never suggested the guidance counselor! We (teacher, hubby, and I) worked together to get him more comfortable with his class and she did a lot of friendship exercises so the kids got to know each other. I also read books about sharing and taking turns to him. I don't even think the 'being first' or sharing was the real issue. I think he was acting out because he was uncomfortable in his new class. Once he made some friends, it all went away.

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 11:12 AM

 imo its a phase. talk to him about sharing,taking turns and being fair.

is he in any sports?

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 11:16 AM
Honestly I think its more an age thing.
My ds will be 6 soon and we have had similar issues for a few months now. Granted he has managed to keep it together at school
Guidence counslor might not be a bad idea. But I wouldnt worry to much.
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Mine was like this. Teach him to channel that competitive energy and give him an outlet. Mine does well in martial arts because he can be competitive and can be the best but with older and more experienced students he always has something to work towards. With belt ranks its easy for kids to see who has been training longer.
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