Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What's Up With My Daughters EX??? (PIOG)

My daughter got a great boyfriend at the beginning of this school year.  It seemed to really be going great between them.  Things were very serious and he seemed to totally respect her in every way.

Out of the blue, He broke up with her about a week and a half ago saying he just needed some space for about a month or so but is thinking that he wants to get back together after the month break  (doesn't make sense to me).  Anyway, my daughter was ofcourse very upset for a couple of days but has been working to move on~~~and ofcourse there was a line of boys waiting for her to be available and who are talking to her.  There are a couple who are trying to slowly work in and give her the time she needs but there is one who is pushing more and I can see a lot of sexual undertone in some of what I see from him in his pursuit.  She seems to like the ones who are respecting the time she needs more (which I'm glad of~~~I like those better myself.)

I've gotten off track,  SORRY.  Back to my point.  The ex~boyfriend has not left her alone since he broke up with her.  I've been reading their communications (through messenger.)  The first 2 or 3 days, they were both very sad about the break up and trying to comfort each other through it .  It has They then started arguing for a day.  He was mad about the break up and having a one sided rant about getting back together next month but he just needs some space for a little while.  They 've just talked normal a little bit.  Yesterday, he started messaging her right after lunch giving her permission to date that guy who she was walking towards lunch with.  This is a guy who the ex doesn't like but he knows that the guy likes my daughter.  He told her "just go ahead and date him.  You have my permission.  Then you will see what he is really like."

He has messaged her everyday going through all these different phases of his emotions about the whole break up.  He is the one that broke up with my daughter to begin with.   My daughter is getting on with her life but can't because he keeps messaging her during school about things he has seen at school (mostly involving other guys) and then in the evenings to let his heartache go all over the place in the things he is saying to her. 

What are your thoughts on what is up with him?  He really seemed great until this whole break up.  He is not making any sense now.  Does he want to be with her or not?  Does he not want to be with her but just doesn't want anyone else with her either or what?  Should we be nervous about him now or just dismiss everything?  Our daughter does seem willing to get back together with him if it should come up but is just trying to get along with life now (most of her life now does still include the friends that her and her ex had together).  He seems to feel that they just don't like him much anymore.  She tells him that is because he has changed and just gotten mean all the time~I think she's right.

Anyway, How should we feel about all his actions?  Should we be nervous about him?  Do you think all this is normal?

I would love to hear some insight on him and all this.  THANKS


We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at


Click my tag to follow me there.

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd have her block him... Let her work out her feelings without his influence. And giving her permission to date/talk to other guys is a red flag for me that I'd be discussing with her.

by Princess on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this

 First off, a break implies he slept with someone else and it didn't pan out.

Second? No way would I "need" permission to DATE anyone, let alone getting an EX  boyfriend's permission. 

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:10 AM
2 moms liked this
The only answer I have is he is a hs boy. He seems to want to keep his options open but he wants to keep her too. He knows he cant have both.
I think the best thing for your dd is to move on completely. Stop all contact with him.

Quoting stephs5isenough:

She is in hight school.

I just can't figure out why he keeps bothering her the way he is.  He broke up with her.  Shouldn't he just be done with it. Why is he trying to keep her on the hook?  And why is he trying to keep tabs on her the way he is?

Quoting brandie1470:

This just sounds like highschool. I assume your dd is in hs.

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Maybe he was just testing her? I know some of the girls in high school have done that to my son, just to see if he really will go out with someone else or if he really wanted to be with them. He's a junior and this has happened three times since his freshman year.... maybe your daughter's exbf is getting mad or weird because he's actually really hurt that your daughter would even talk with another guy. Teenage hormones, and a few parental ones,  are filled with crazy jealousy and no rationale. It probably makes sense to him, but to look at it from the outside just looks childish.

My daughter is a freshman and her boyfriend of one whole month just broke up with her because he "likes her so much that he doesn't want to mess up their friendship." He's a sweet kid, football player, etc. and has a lot of girls after him but he keeps turning them down because he says he likes my daughter. They still talk quite a bit and she still watches his football practices/games after school every single day and he has watched her xc meets, but he's afraid of losing her by dating her. Teenage brains.....uuuggghh.

by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this
First of all, she doesn't need his permission to do anything. She should just ignore him and his games and move on.
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:13 AM

These are exactly my thoughts.  I don't understand either.

I had not thought about having her block him.

Although she goes to a very small school and she does have a class with him so he would still be around her a lot and knowing every move she makes or people makd around her~~~UGHHH.  But the blocking would help with the messaging and prevent her from being bothered by him in the evenings.  Thanks for saying that.

Quoting daydreamer3:

Maybe he wants to be with someone else and not cheat on her? 

I would have her block him if he's not leaving her alone. 

I don't understand why he'd break up with her for a month because he needs space and then bother her through messages? 


We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at


Click my tag to follow me there.

by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:13 AM
2 moms liked this

Of course he cares... He wanted freedom to see other girls and string along a backup... No other girls want him and the backup wasn't devastated and is moving on.  Huge ego killer when you find out you aren't gods gift to women.   That said, I would have a long chat with my dd about priorities, respect and his actions/words. 

Quoting stephs5isenough:

I am being her mother.

Does anyone here not understand my concerns about this guy.  I'm jsut wondering how concerned I need to be or if all of the way this boy is acting is totally normal and no one sees any concerns here.

I don't want him to go crazy on her or anything.  I see the news.

My thinking is that he shouldn't care what she is doing.

Quoting M_Cox:

Stop being her friend and start being her mother.

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Ditch him! He sounds a bit...unstable.

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Unless she is being abused stay out of it.  He is just a kid and doesnt know how to handle himself.  I dont know why some moms want to be so involved in their kids dating.  I honestly dont want to know what my 18 year old is up to unless she is in danger.  Boys come and go, until she is 22 her brain isnt even formed.  She wont even know any of these boys hopefully by then. 

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:17 AM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too.
He wants to be single but still in control of her. By 'giving her permission' to date other boys he is attempting to control her.
Btw, I am glad you and your daughter can discuss this. I hated that I couldn't speak to my mom about my high school drama.

I hope your daughter starts to see through him and can move on.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN