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What's Up With My Daughters EX??? (PIOG)


My daughter got a great boyfriend at the beginning of this school year.  It seemed to really be going great between them.  Things were very serious and he seemed to totally respect her in every way.

Out of the blue, He broke up with her about a week and a half ago saying he just needed some space for about a month or so but is thinking that he wants to get back together after the month break  (doesn't make sense to me).  Anyway, my daughter was ofcourse very upset for a couple of days but has been working to move on~~~and ofcourse there was a line of boys waiting for her to be available and who are talking to her.  There are a couple who are trying to slowly work in and give her the time she needs but there is one who is pushing more and I can see a lot of sexual undertone in some of what I see from him in his pursuit.  She seems to like the ones who are respecting the time she needs more (which I'm glad of~~~I like those better myself.)

I've gotten off track,  SORRY.  Back to my point.  The ex~boyfriend has not left her alone since he broke up with her.  I've been reading their communications (through messenger.)  The first 2 or 3 days, they were both very sad about the break up and trying to comfort each other through it .  It has They then started arguing for a day.  He was mad about the break up and having a one sided rant about getting back together next month but he just needs some space for a little while.  They 've just talked normal a little bit.  Yesterday, he started messaging her right after lunch giving her permission to date that guy who she was walking towards lunch with.  This is a guy who the ex doesn't like but he knows that the guy likes my daughter.  He told her "just go ahead and date him.  You have my permission.  Then you will see what he is really like."

He has messaged her everyday going through all these different phases of his emotions about the whole break up.  He is the one that broke up with my daughter to begin with.   My daughter is getting on with her life but can't because he keeps messaging her during school about things he has seen at school (mostly involving other guys) and then in the evenings to let his heartache go all over the place in the things he is saying to her. 

What are your thoughts on what is up with him?  He really seemed great until this whole break up.  He is not making any sense now.  Does he want to be with her or not?  Does he not want to be with her but just doesn't want anyone else with her either or what?  Should we be nervous about him now or just dismiss everything?  Our daughter does seem willing to get back together with him if it should come up but is just trying to get along with life now (most of her life now does still include the friends that her and her ex had together).  He seems to feel that they just don't like him much anymore.  She tells him that is because he has changed and just gotten mean all the time~I think she's right.

Anyway, How should we feel about all his actions?  Should we be nervous about him?  Do you think all this is normal?

I would love to hear some insight on him and all this.  THANKS


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

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by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Replies (41-50):
Ilovemybbgrl
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:43 PM
He probably wanted to fuck other high school girls.
sunpeaches1
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 6:53 PM
Maybe SHE should be done with it all. Its obvious he's keeping her hanging & he's immature about relationships, which is expected of hs kids... but this nonsense is too much for a girl to deal & she needs to just cut him out.
Btw, I applaud that your relationship w dd is open so that she allows you to know & read all correspondence between her & her friends, bfs, & the like....but maybe you should step out of the hs relationship crisis of your daughter. Having to post it in parenting sites seems like yiur too invested I. Her relationship. ....js


Quoting stephs5isenough:

We are both very focused on her studies and on her sports.

The problems I am asking about involve the way he won't leave her alone and just allow her to move on in peace.

Quoting .sugar.kisses.:

How about your dd and YOU focus on her studies rather than boys!



stephs5isenough
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 7:23 PM

I do agree that she needs to be done with him entirely after the last two weeks of nonsense with him.  She doesn't want to deal with it anymore.  She is moving on but he keeps bothering her.  She wants him to leave her alone already.  It can't happen entirely because of the school they are in but she wants to as much as possible.  I'm just uptight about the control he seems to be trying so hard to keep control over her and the guys she is hanging out with.  She is hanging out with a lot of guys because she does go to a military school that does have more guys than girls and she does not like the drama that comes with hanging out with a lot of girls.  although she does have friends who are girls.  Her best friends and the ones she hangs out with most often are guys.  The Ex is mad at the guys, his friends first, because they have mostly kinds of chosen to keep the better frindship with her over him due primarily to the fact that he has just gotten to be angry with the world since the break up.  Although this was probably starting to occur a little before the break up as well.  It is true that these guys were his frines first but they are also her friends now.  When her and the Ex started going out, she was a new student (second day of shcool)  in the school they are in, so she didn't have friends yet.  The ex integrated her in with his friends so they have in fact become the group of friends she just hangs out with from the beginning for her.  So it's not like she has an old group to go back to.  They would all still enjoy the ex as well if he hadn't changed so much and just become such an jerky/angry person.  But anyway, she is trying to cut him out of her life.  He just keeps messaging her about everything/everyone he sees her doing/with.

...And I don't read all her texts.  I simply spot glance from time to time (she knows this) until all this nonsense with the ex started coming up.  Since then, I am reading everything he says just because I want to make sure I am fully aware if I start to feel like she needs some sort of greater protection or whatever.  I'm not sure what I'm expecting, I just know that I am very uncomfortable with what all I have seen from him lately.

Quoting sunpeaches1:

Maybe SHE should be done with it all. Its obvious he's keeping her hanging & he's immature about relationships, which is expected of hs kids... but this nonsense is too much for a girl to deal & she needs to just cut him out.
Btw, I applaud that your relationship w dd is open so that she allows you to know & read all correspondence between her & her friends, bfs, & the like....but maybe you should step out of the hs relationship crisis of your daughter. Having to post it in parenting sites seems like yiur too invested I. Her relationship. ....js


Quoting stephs5isenough:

We are both very focused on her studies and on her sports.

The problems I am asking about involve the way he won't leave her alone and just allow her to move on in peace.

Quoting .sugar.kisses.:

How about your dd and YOU focus on her studies rather than boys!




Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

Jacqalyn
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 7:29 PM
If they were planning on getting back together within a month, why doesn't she just hold off on getting into another relationship until the month is up.
Maybe he is taken this month to see if she really wants to be in a relationship with him... Or... Maybe he is just a confused little boy...
stephs5isenough
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 7:47 PM

She is not planning on getting into another relationship.  She has had a couple of guys ask her out and she just tells them "I'm not ready yet."  She does still want to have a relationship again with her ex.  And, yes.  He did tell her that "We'll probably get back together in a month" so I do think that is what she is waiting and hoping for.  But, in the meantime, she wants to move on with her life and not have him trying to control it the way he is.  Like she told him yesterday when he was telling her about seeing her walk to lunch with another one of their guy friends, 'Your not my boyfriend anymore.'  He really has no right.  Anyway, she is not planning on entering another relationship unless he tells her that they are not going to get back together.

And yes, with everything I've seen him doing, he is one confused boy right now.  At the beginning of the break up I had just as much compassion for him as I do for her.  He was so obviously just as upset about the whole break up as she was . . . if not more so.  It has only gotten to be in the last few days (probably since his messages started sounding more angry about everything on Thursday) that my feelings about all of this have started changing so much.  He has just gotten angry and controlling.  All this is starting to make me have severe doubts about whether I feeli it is a good idea for them to get back together or not.  I'm starting to wonder if it could even be a safe lasting relationship. 

I just keep thinking about the fact that they had been making so many future plans together.  And exactly one week before the break up they were both laying cuddled up on my couch together watching a movie . . . well, he was shruggingwatching a movie while...she was sleeping.   It all just doesn't make sense.  I am just wondering if I should talk to her and try to persuade her to not get back together with him if it comes to that in the alloted time.

Quoting Jacqalyn:

If they were planning on getting back together within a month, why doesn't she just hold off on getting into another relationship until the month is up.
Maybe he is taken this month to see if she really wants to be in a relationship with him... Or... Maybe he is just a confused little boy...


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

DSamuels
by Silver Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 8:06 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like he doesn't really want her, but he doesn't want anyone else to have her either. Red flag!

Quoting stephs5isenough:

She is in hight school.

I just can't figure out why he keeps bothering her the way he is.  He broke up with her.  Shouldn't he just be done with it. Why is he trying to keep her on the hook?  And why is he trying to keep tabs on her the way he is?

Quoting brandie1470:

This just sounds like highschool. I assume your dd is in hs.



stephs5isenough
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 8:09 PM
1 mom liked this

That's what I'm seeing.  I wanted to know if anyone else saw the same thing.  THANKS.

Quoting DSamuels:

It sounds like he doesn't really want her, but he doesn't want anyone else to have her either. Red flag!

Quoting stephs5isenough:

She is in hight school.

I just can't figure out why he keeps bothering her the way he is.  He broke up with her.  Shouldn't he just be done with it. Why is he trying to keep her on the hook?  And why is he trying to keep tabs on her the way he is?

Quoting brandie1470:

This just sounds like highschool. I assume your dd is in hs.




Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

Jacqalyn
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:20 PM
I don't feel like he is a threat but I don't know him or their situation enough to really say if he is or isn't.
If they were making life plans , maybe he got scared and thought that stepping away from the relatioship would help him work through that fear. Now seeing that she could more on without him has him freaked they he could lose her but still afraid of getting into a serious relationship since they are still in high school.
What grade are they in?


Quoting stephs5isenough:

She is not planning on getting into another relationship.  She has had a couple of guys ask her out and she just tells them "I'm not ready yet."  She does still want to have a relationship again with her ex.  And, yes.  He did tell her that "We'll probably get back together in a month" so I do think that is what she is waiting and hoping for.  But, in the meantime, she wants to move on with her life and not have him trying to control it the way he is.  Like she told him yesterday when he was telling her about seeing her walk to lunch with another one of their guy friends, 'Your not my boyfriend anymore.'  He really has no right.  Anyway, she is not planning on entering another relationship unless he tells her that they are not going to get back together.

And yes, with everything I've seen him doing, he is one confused boy right now.  At the beginning of the break up I had just as much compassion for him as I do for her.  He was so obviously just as upset about the whole break up as she was . . . if not more so.  It has only gotten to be in the last few days (probably since his messages started sounding more angry about everything on Thursday) that my feelings about all of this have started changing so much.  He has just gotten angry and controlling.  All this is starting to make me have severe doubts about whether I feeli it is a good idea for them to get back together or not.  I'm starting to wonder if it could even be a safe lasting relationship. 

I just keep thinking about the fact that they had been making so many future plans together.  And exactly one week before the break up they were both laying cuddled up on my couch together watching a movie . . . well, he was shruggingwatching a movie while...she was sleeping.   It all just doesn't make sense.  I am just wondering if I should talk to her and try to persuade her to not get back together with him if it comes to that in the alloted time.

Quoting Jacqalyn:

If they were planning on getting back together within a month, why doesn't she just hold off on getting into another relationship until the month is up.

Maybe he is taken this month to see if she really wants to be in a relationship with him... Or... Maybe he is just a confused little boy...



stephs5isenough
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:27 PM

You are bringing up a some very good points which have not been mentioned previously and I had not thought about.  Really before, I had thought the world of him . . . He was so respectful to her and to us, if he was making plans well in advance for something he wanted to ask her to he would first ask my husband if he could ask her and tell him everything about it first, he did everything for her~he just did everything completely right.  And, like I said, The first 2-3 days of the break up, he was just as hurt as she was and they really were comforting each other over the break up (sounds weird to me but that is what was happening.)

My daughter is a 16 year old junior and he is a sophomore.

That would be a scary time to be getting so serious.  I just don't know what to think.  I just know that I have started seeing a side of him that I hadn't before and it is scaring me a little for my daughter.

Really...it would have been better if they had taken a break without breaking up.  They could have just taken a little vacation in a sense~but no break up.  That would have prevented the feeling of singleness and the other flirting guys and girls.

Thanks for your reply.

Quoting Jacqalyn:

I don't feel like he is a threat but I don't know him or their situation enough to really say if he is or isn't.
If they were making life plans , maybe he got scared and thought that stepping away from the relatioship would help him work through that fear. Now seeing that she could more on without him has him freaked they he could lose her but still afraid of getting into a serious relationship since they are still in high school.
What grade are they in?


Quoting stephs5isenough:

She is not planning on getting into another relationship.  She has had a couple of guys ask her out and she just tells them "I'm not ready yet."  She does still want to have a relationship again with her ex.  And, yes.  He did tell her that "We'll probably get back together in a month" so I do think that is what she is waiting and hoping for.  But, in the meantime, she wants to move on with her life and not have him trying to control it the way he is.  Like she told him yesterday when he was telling her about seeing her walk to lunch with another one of their guy friends, 'Your not my boyfriend anymore.'  He really has no right.  Anyway, she is not planning on entering another relationship unless he tells her that they are not going to get back together.

And yes, with everything I've seen him doing, he is one confused boy right now.  At the beginning of the break up I had just as much compassion for him as I do for her.  He was so obviously just as upset about the whole break up as she was . . . if not more so.  It has only gotten to be in the last few days (probably since his messages started sounding more angry about everything on Thursday) that my feelings about all of this have started changing so much.  He has just gotten angry and controlling.  All this is starting to make me have severe doubts about whether I feeli it is a good idea for them to get back together or not.  I'm starting to wonder if it could even be a safe lasting relationship. 

I just keep thinking about the fact that they had been making so many future plans together.  And exactly one week before the break up they were both laying cuddled up on my couch together watching a movie . . . well, he was shruggingwatching a movie while...she was sleeping.   It all just doesn't make sense.  I am just wondering if I should talk to her and try to persuade her to not get back together with him if it comes to that in the alloted time.

Quoting Jacqalyn:

If they were planning on getting back together within a month, why doesn't she just hold off on getting into another relationship until the month is up.

Maybe he is taken this month to see if she really wants to be in a relationship with him... Or... Maybe he is just a confused little boy...




Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

Caitlin10081989
by Ruby Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 12:39 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like he does not know whether or not he actually wants to be with her but he does not want anyone else to be with her while he decides. 

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