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What's Up With My Daughters EX??? (PIOG)


My daughter got a great boyfriend at the beginning of this school year.  It seemed to really be going great between them.  Things were very serious and he seemed to totally respect her in every way.

Out of the blue, He broke up with her about a week and a half ago saying he just needed some space for about a month or so but is thinking that he wants to get back together after the month break  (doesn't make sense to me).  Anyway, my daughter was ofcourse very upset for a couple of days but has been working to move on~~~and ofcourse there was a line of boys waiting for her to be available and who are talking to her.  There are a couple who are trying to slowly work in and give her the time she needs but there is one who is pushing more and I can see a lot of sexual undertone in some of what I see from him in his pursuit.  She seems to like the ones who are respecting the time she needs more (which I'm glad of~~~I like those better myself.)

I've gotten off track,  SORRY.  Back to my point.  The ex~boyfriend has not left her alone since he broke up with her.  I've been reading their communications (through messenger.)  The first 2 or 3 days, they were both very sad about the break up and trying to comfort each other through it .  It has They then started arguing for a day.  He was mad about the break up and having a one sided rant about getting back together next month but he just needs some space for a little while.  They 've just talked normal a little bit.  Yesterday, he started messaging her right after lunch giving her permission to date that guy who she was walking towards lunch with.  This is a guy who the ex doesn't like but he knows that the guy likes my daughter.  He told her "just go ahead and date him.  You have my permission.  Then you will see what he is really like."

He has messaged her everyday going through all these different phases of his emotions about the whole break up.  He is the one that broke up with my daughter to begin with.   My daughter is getting on with her life but can't because he keeps messaging her during school about things he has seen at school (mostly involving other guys) and then in the evenings to let his heartache go all over the place in the things he is saying to her. 

What are your thoughts on what is up with him?  He really seemed great until this whole break up.  He is not making any sense now.  Does he want to be with her or not?  Does he not want to be with her but just doesn't want anyone else with her either or what?  Should we be nervous about him now or just dismiss everything?  Our daughter does seem willing to get back together with him if it should come up but is just trying to get along with life now (most of her life now does still include the friends that her and her ex had together).  He seems to feel that they just don't like him much anymore.  She tells him that is because he has changed and just gotten mean all the time~I think she's right.

Anyway, How should we feel about all his actions?  Should we be nervous about him?  Do you think all this is normal?

I would love to hear some insight on him and all this.  THANKS


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

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by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Replies (81-88):
stephs5isenough
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 9:19 AM

Thanks.

'Yes', he has had other girlfriends but I can't tell you anything else about them or anything.

Quoting ItsaJOB:

 Reading another of your posts, I see you are concerned about the way he acts and if it is 'normal'.  It might be wise to keep an eye on things, in that case (letting your daughter know your concerns).  I intially thought you were just being way too involved in all the normal H.S. drama that goes on!  If she starts to feel uneasy about him constantly messaging her, then it may be time to take it to another level and contact the school so they, too, can keep an eye out for things.  She can easily block him, however, on facebook and her cell if she feels she needs to.  Has he had other girlfriends that you know of? 


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

pferg
by Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 8:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Yea I saw the red flags too. An attempt to control someone is defidently a red flag. Can you ask the school counselor about it.when to worry? Signs to look for?

ItsaJOB
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 8:29 PM
1 mom liked this

If you daughter has any contact with his past girlfriends (sometimes they do talk to each other or are friends), maybe she could find out if he acted the same way with them when they had broken up, as well.  It's too bad she can't focus more on school and her future than boys.  My daughter seemed to like the attention from boys and I think having a boyfriend allows them to 'fit in' more.  There are plenty of single kids out there perfectly happy, but some just seem to need that comfort of being wanted or needed.  It's a hard job, being a parent, and watching your children go through things like this.  You can't be her friend, but you can be a concerned parent.  Hopefully, she will come to you if things get more difficult.

Belovedmoonpixi
by Bronze Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this
I understand: you´re afraid he{s getting obssessed and might go "mental" and be violent towards her... sorry, no advice, I have an only daughter, she´s 13, so I have no experience with this.
Quoting stephs5isenough:

I am being her mother.

Does anyone here not understand my concerns about this guy.  I'm jsut wondering how concerned I need to be or if all of the way this boy is acting is totally normal and no one sees any concerns here.

I don't want him to go crazy on her or anything.  I see the news.

My thinking is that he shouldn't care what she is doing.

Quoting M_Cox:

Stop being her friend and start being her mother.



jennkrzyz
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this
This guy soundscape he is trying to manipulate your daughter into something. He is being VERY passive aggressive. It's a controlling behavior and could lead to some very dangerous behaviors. If you look at the psychology behind abusive people, most of them also are manipulative and controlling. I would be very hesitant in letting my daughter continue to see him or communicate.
stephs5isenough
by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 2:11 AM

Good Thought.  Thanks.

Quoting pferg:

Yea I saw the red flags too. An attempt to control someone is defidently a red flag. Can you ask the school counselor about it.when to worry? Signs to look for?


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

stephs5isenough
by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 2:15 AM

That's a good idea.  I'm sure she probably know some of his past girlfriends.  Like I've said, this is her first year in this school but she could probably find out who some of the exes are and talk to them.  I might ask her.

Like I've said before, my daughter is very focused on school.  Making straight A's and really rather enjoys the 'grade competition' with some of her classmates.  And . . . like I've said, she does not plan ot have a new relationship anytime soon.

Quoting ItsaJOB:

If you daughter has any contact with his past girlfriends (sometimes they do talk to each other or are friends), maybe she could find out if he acted the same way with them when they had broken up, as well.  It's too bad she can't focus more on school and her future than boys.  My daughter seemed to like the attention from boys and I think having a boyfriend allows them to 'fit in' more.  There are plenty of single kids out there perfectly happy, but some just seem to need that comfort of being wanted or needed.  It's a hard job, being a parent, and watching your children go through things like this.  You can't be her friend, but you can be a concerned parent.  Hopefully, she will come to you if things get more difficult.


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

stephs5isenough
by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 2:16 AM

Thanks.

Quoting jennkrzyz:

This guy soundscape he is trying to manipulate your daughter into something. He is being VERY passive aggressive. It's a controlling behavior and could lead to some very dangerous behaviors. If you look at the psychology behind abusive people, most of them also are manipulative and controlling. I would be very hesitant in letting my daughter continue to see him or communicate.


Stephanie




We are Praying, Playing and Learning Together at

LIVING IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

Click my tag to follow me there.

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