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Have you or would you invite others to help you in the delivery room?

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:37 AM
  • 4 Replies

My Mom & Mother-in-Law Were in the Delivery Room With Me -- Big Mistake

by Lisa Fogarty 

The birth of my first child was an absolute party. Basically, I invited everyone I knew to join us in the delivery room -- and bring a friend or "plus one," if they felt so inclined. Originally, I pictured all the women I loved to get together, bring their wit and experience and knowledge, and help me get through the scary process of actually delivering a baby from my body -- and then maybe they'd pour me a glass of bubbly afterward. So yeah, I thought birth should be a scene from Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I don't even think I wanted my husband there because he doesn't have a vagina and, therefore, what could he offer? 

And then the day came. And my mother and mother-in-law and husband were all there to offer support and encouragement. And I will never, ever have that many people present in the delivery room ever again. 

More From The Stir: 4 Ways to Keep Your Mother-in-Law Out of the Delivery Room

Let me first say that my mom and mother-in-law are the best people on earth. They are women with strong personalities who always offer outstanding advice and would give their limbs to help us. So it makes sense that I would ask them to be there in the delivery room because, honestly, I was terrified and thought the more, the merrier

And it started off okay. Both moms jumped if I so much as suggested something on me hurt -- an IV needle or whatnot. I can be passive, but these female warriors had three nurses in my room in under five seconds if I felt any discomfort. It was even a bit embarrassing. 

But I was in labor for 18 hours. You'd be surprised at what you can learn about others after spending 18 straight hours in their company. My mother, who is normally a rock, began to unravel when I experienced the first of several horrifyingly painful contractions. I wanted her to tell me it was totally normal -- that it was all part of childbirth. But she was looking at me with her own mom eyes and she couldn't mask her concern in order to make me feel better. 

Lesson number one: moms and mother-in-laws aren't objective observers of the birth of your baby. They are deeply invested in it and can easily freak out. It is beyond unreasonable to expect more.

Lesson number two: if you ask others to join you in the birthing room, you are unwittingly asking them to help you. Part of helping you includes allowing them to do things that they think might help soothe you. In my case with my mom, she is Catholic and a true believer. I am agnostic and my husband is an atheist. When she taped a photo of Jesus on the wall in front of me and told me to breathe and focus on it in order to feel better, I nearly flipped out. But is labor the time and place to get into a deep discussion with mom about not pressing her beliefs on others? Uh, no way. So I let that one slide. But I didn't forget it. 

Lesson number three: you may want to spend a lot of private time just snuggling your new baby after his or her arrival. That isn't going to happen when several others are present in the room. 

All in all, having others in the labor room was an interesting experience for us and not all bad. How many grandmothers get to say they saw their grandchild the second she was born? Pretty cool. But with that said, when we have our second baby in March, we're planning on flying solo in the delivery room this time. 

Have you or would you invite others to help you in the delivery room?

by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-4):
momdoes
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I had a slew of people with me up to the time it was to push. Then it was my cousin and my husband at the time. I remember my cousin kept rubbing my forearm, telling me it would be ok. I would look at her, wanting so bad to scream stop doing that! But it would not come out of my face! My husband (ex now) said he knew now that women were evil. No one can lay there and bleed that much and still breath he said! I missed my cousin give birth to her only son and I wanted to get her back for rubbing my arm by rubbing her head bald! LOL

kellybean44
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 4:22 PM

I had my husband, my mom, 2 friends and my brother. My brother left the room when I pushed but the rest stayed. 

2nd pregnancy I had twins via c-section. Just my husband with me.

lillettemomma
by Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 4:24 PM
My mom had been present for the birth of my first 3 kids she was the only one there with my third my...df was there with my second and exdh was there with my first.....Also with my first there were about 15 ppl in the waiting room who all rushed in right after he was born.... learned my lesson after that....no guests till the next day....This time it will probably only be df since I am currently not speaking to my mother (she tossed me and my youngest 2 out on the streets with no warning among other things) and I am not thinking we we actually have any guests except maybe mil and our other children
RADmomma
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 4:29 PM
With my first my dh, mom, dad & grandmother were there while I labored. But I ended up having an emergency csection so it was just dh & I when she was born.

With my second my dh & my daughter were there then my mom & dad joined us. When it was time to push my mom & dh stayed. My dad took dd to look around the gift shop!

I wouldn't have it any other way. My mom is awesome & helped relieve the stress & anxiety. She encouraged me & helped ease dhs fears.
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