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Suggestions Please!!!

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:01 PM
  • 11 Replies

Hi I am new to the group. I am stay at home with 5 kids. 2 that belong to me and 3step kids. we have 50/50 custody of my step kids. I see my step kids everyday at school when I am dropping my two off. Our two youngest girls are the same age and in the same kindergarten class. They sit next to each other. My stepdaughter has been a handful since the day I met her. We have been married for 8 months now. In the past 3 months her behavior is getting worse and worse. Nothing my husband as punishment seems to phase her. She doesn't care anymore. She is very disrespectful to me, she is always in trouble in class, she is always hitting classmates, siblings, and pets, and so on.

My husband has talked to her mother about the daughters behavior in general and she tells him she sees nothing wrong with how she is behaving and "She is a kid, it is her right to act crazy and hit someone now and again. She shouldnt have to be well behaved."

We are having a lot of issues with entitlement issues with his 3 kids. They think they should get anything they deserve. And when they dont get their way they throw fits, screaming, crying, laying on the floor. (ages 10, 7, and 5) saying they want to go to moms house because she will let them have it. This is very frustrating as well.

 Today I was helping my daughter get started on her morning work, my stepdaughter was sitting there refusing to do her work so her mom just left the room like every morning. So I was trying to get her motivated to get work done. My stepdaughter tells me " My mom ordered me books from the book order! and L didnt get any! HAha!" I told how exciting now lets get our work done. Then she goes on to tell me " My mom is gonna spend a whole bunch of money on our christmas presents, so we are gonna better presents at her house!" I was pissed! It has nothing at all to do with what they will get over there. it's how ungrateful she is.

My husband wont be home for a few more hours I just wanted to see if anyone had any suggestions on how to handle this situation because its getting really outta control. And everything we have tried isnt working at this point I am temped to return her gifts we have bought and wrap lumps of coal.

by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RADmomma
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:05 PM
She's getting mixed signals from you & dh & Bm. The three of you need to get on the same page. The rules & expectations need to be the same at both houses.
kmplepmama28
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:28 PM

He's tried explaining that to his ex but she always says she doesnt  see why the kids need rules and punishments for everything. they are just kids. the problems will fix themselves when they are adults. or she doesnt see anything wrong with how they are acting. It really depends on her mood that day.

Last night she called because his son drew a picture as school and the teacher sent it home with a note. he drew a dog with knife thru its neck and blood spraying out. she wanted my husband to punish him over the phone. He told her she needed to handle it because he didnt see the pic or her from the teacher and usually when he acts up at school the teacher calls him because she knows its pointless to call mom.

DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:50 PM
Until BM agrees to punishments and makes sure the same.rules are followed, it will never work. Kids need stability and discipline in both homes. Sounds like BM is a peice of work. Sorry your going thru this. Never good the 3 adults really need to get together and figure things out.
kbpegasus
by Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I think the mother needs counciling and the kids need to be with their dad and you;  full custody.  Your dh is correct.  Any problems that the school calls her on, she should be handling.  A sit down with the three of you would be good, but you might need a legal mediator to sit with you because this woman is so angry at her ex and you and is using her kids to disrupt your family and home life.

SweetestOfAll
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 7:35 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to look into a mediator. Maybe having a third party who is there for the good of the kids involved will help
evilstepmomof4
by Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 8:46 PM

TOTALLY agree with kpegasus. This will only get worse as the kids get older.

143myboys9496
by Gold Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 2:08 AM

On the basis of his behavior could your dh petition for sole custody? Acting out violently to the nature they are, they need counseling. If he meets resistance his question should be "Are you going to make me wait until one of my kids does this to an actual dog?" (and show the pic).

They're screaming for boundaries. The BM isn't really fit. Their behavior will only get worse as they get older and they won't be able to be reeled in. 

Quoting kmplepmama28:

He's tried explaining that to his ex but she always says she doesnt  see why the kids need rules and punishments for everything. they are just kids. the problems will fix themselves when they are adults. or she doesnt see anything wrong with how they are acting. It really depends on her mood that day.

Last night she called because his son drew a picture as school and the teacher sent it home with a note. he drew a dog with knife thru its neck and blood spraying out. she wanted my husband to punish him over the phone. He told her she needed to handle it because he didnt see the pic or her from the teacher and usually when he acts up at school the teacher calls him because she knows its pointless to call mom.


allornone
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 2:15 AM
Please,please document and get the picture or a copy of the picture. He needs help talk to your doctor.
Though it may not seem like it but the youngest might be jealous of the relationship you have with your child. She may be pushing you to see her limits and to see if you will react. She may need more boundaries and extra love and attention. I think she is seeking attention even if it is negative. You stayed and her mom left. She wanted you to feel her pain.
SAMI_JO
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 4:15 AM

 I am sorry that I can't offer any advice on the subject. But it sounds like the mom just "buys" their love, and to keep them out of her hair. Like I said I don't have experience on the subject. ((HUGS)) to you momma for trying to be mom to both sets of kids.

MommaVoo
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:48 AM

So much good advice in this thread, I dont have anything else to add but I really wish you the best. I almost wish I was in the same situation but I dont know which would be worse.. this or my situation where I have no access to my children because my ex is a douche and screwed me in the divorce. I never was in a position to fight for them because I was fighting to get my disability and now.. they are nearly 17 and 14 and have heard his lies for so long they think I just up and left and do not want to talk to me. If things were different back then I think I would have been in a situation like yours so I feel for you.. perhaps I am your worst case scenario, perhaps I am what you need to fight to prevent. I have to think that someday my kids will come to me.. hell I am pretty sure they dont even know they will have a sister soon as my ex said he wouldnt tell them. 

Bottom line something has to be done and I hope one of the suggestions here will help you.

CafeMom Tickers
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