I know life will always be stressful but I've just about had more then I can take. During my pregnancy I went threw hell and more. Right before I found I was pregnant both my husband and lost our jobs. I had my brother ex-military going threw a divorce living with us. But I had to tell him to go stay with our mom because I couldn't afford having him there. My husband found a job shortly after but was let go just as fast due to the economy then i had my car repo. Then I had my best friend since elementary move in because her bf was beating her. I kicked her out after she told my husband I cheated and did things that is way out of my comfort zone. Needless to say it ripped a huge problem in my relationship. My husband asked me for a divorce and like a fool I was on my hands and knees begging him to stay swearing up and down I didn't do anything. I was never supposed to get pregnant and I wanted my family so bad. Coming from a family of arguments beating bouncing from home to home and depending on other for survival I wanted my own family. He ruined my first miracle pregnancy something I can't find myself to forgive him. He ended up staying with me but now I wish I would had gone threw the divorce. I went threw every kick and bump by myself wishing my baby would forgive me. As much as I hated him and he wanted nothing to do with me and the baby. I still tried to get him involved asking him to feel the baby move telling him to go with me to the appointments. He would go but stone sour face. After the new year he changed a bit but it made no difference to me it was too late. To tip it off I was sick threw my whole pregnancy throwing up upto 10 times a day then I had gestational diabetes. I had to poke my finger 4 times a day and I was put on a diet. Again getting up every day making my own meals even if it made me sick. To top everything off I had to get a c section my heart broke but I understood medical it was safest. My in-laws wher in the room 24/7 with their two grown children giving me no privacy. Needless to say my stay at the hospital was a nightmare but the staff made it so much better asking every moment if I was ok or needed something. Even if they were paid to take care of me and my baby it was nice having someone caring about us. My delivery went well just minor complications. At home with my son alone doing everything even if I was supposed to be on bed rest after my c section. Raising my son on my own during and after my pregnancy has been biggest pried and joy. A few months had gone by and at this point my husband found a better job providing as much as he could. I was grateful mainly for my son he deserves everything even from his own father that wants nothing to do with him. Things where ok but my husband had an accident at work breaking his leg in two places. He had surgery two days later getting screws and plates placed in his leg for life. Workmens comp refused to pay after only 3 week's his job told him to wait to retur. Then shortly fired him with no pay that was owed to him. And now not even unemployment wants to pay. I lost my apartment had to break my lease and move into my mothers home. All of my life compacted to one tiny room with my son and the man that doesn't want us.
I keep telling myself it can only get worse count your blessings. I'm just sad that all of my first threw my pregnancy where ruined and now all of my sons first everything is not as I imagine and wishes for. Sadly to say we won't even have a tree or a party for his birthday. But happy to have all to myself on every day. More then ever I'm proud to be his mom to raise z strong son but I hope he can see that too. I love him more then words I am willing to go thew hell and back again for him.
on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:26 PM