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dont know how much more i can take...

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:26 PM
  • 6 Replies
I know life will always be stressful but I've just about had more then I can take. During my pregnancy I went threw hell and more. Right before I found I was pregnant both my husband and lost our jobs. I had my brother ex-military going threw a divorce living with us. But I had to tell him to go stay with our mom because I couldn't afford having him there. My husband found a job shortly after but was let go just as fast due to the economy then i had my car repo. Then I had my best friend since elementary move in because her bf was beating her. I kicked her out after she told my husband I cheated and did things that is way out of my comfort zone. Needless to say it ripped a huge problem in my relationship. My husband asked me for a divorce and like a fool I was on my hands and knees begging him to stay swearing up and down I didn't do anything. I was never supposed to get pregnant and I wanted my family so bad. Coming from a family of arguments beating bouncing from home to home and depending on other for survival I wanted my own family. He ruined my first miracle pregnancy something I can't find myself to forgive him. He ended up staying with me but now I wish I would had gone threw the divorce. I went threw every kick and bump by myself wishing my baby would forgive me. As much as I hated him and he wanted nothing to do with me and the baby. I still tried to get him involved asking him to feel the baby move telling him to go with me to the appointments. He would go but stone sour face. After the new year he changed a bit but it made no difference to me it was too late. To tip it off I was sick threw my whole pregnancy throwing up upto 10 times a day then I had gestational diabetes. I had to poke my finger 4 times a day and I was put on a diet. Again getting up every day making my own meals even if it made me sick. To top everything off I had to get a c section my heart broke but I understood medical it was safest. My in-laws wher in the room 24/7 with their two grown children giving me no privacy. Needless to say my stay at the hospital was a nightmare but the staff made it so much better asking every moment if I was ok or needed something. Even if they were paid to take care of me and my baby it was nice having someone caring about us. My delivery went well just minor complications. At home with my son alone doing everything even if I was supposed to be on bed rest after my c section. Raising my son on my own during and after my pregnancy has been biggest pried and joy. A few months had gone by and at this point my husband found a better job providing as much as he could. I was grateful mainly for my son he deserves everything even from his own father that wants nothing to do with him. Things where ok but my husband had an accident at work breaking his leg in two places. He had surgery two days later getting screws and plates placed in his leg for life. Workmens comp refused to pay after only 3 week's his job told him to wait to retur. Then shortly fired him with no pay that was owed to him. And now not even unemployment wants to pay. I lost my apartment had to break my lease and move into my mothers home. All of my life compacted to one tiny room with my son and the man that doesn't want us.
I keep telling myself it can only get worse count your blessings. I'm just sad that all of my first threw my pregnancy where ruined and now all of my sons first everything is not as I imagine and wishes for. Sadly to say we won't even have a tree or a party for his birthday. But happy to have all to myself on every day. More then ever I'm proud to be his mom to raise z strong son but I hope he can see that too. I love him more then words I am willing to go thew hell and back again for him.
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 10:26 PM
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Replies (1-6):
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:29 PM

Hi welcome to Cafemom. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time and you are feeling so rejected. I think you deserve to be treated and you should not forget that!

by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:38 PM
I know its just now I cry every for my son. I hate asking for help but when I finally did no one not even the government helped. I did everything I felt correct dated, then got married had a baby 3 years later always paid my taxes. And now I feel like I'm on a boat and its sinking faster and faster and in throwing all that I love and have onto a small piece of floating wood. Trying to everything calm for my son. I just hate myself feeling like I mest up not making the right decisions. But his smiles just makes me forget everything. Sadly I want more children just don't want to go threw that whole having half children and explaining. Even if the dad was an ass I'm not one to make other seem like monster and horrible ppl that they are.
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 7:18 AM
Here's a quick run thru of my story I feel ya on the things can't go right.....4 months ago I was tossed out on the street with 2 special needs toddlers by my mother and sister.... spent 2 weeks (with my df) paying for a hotel and having to eat.out 3 meals a ran out quick and we ended up in a shelter program at another hotel which also meant I can't see my oldest cause I only have visitation and to have him at the hotel I have to have 51% custody..... we have no vehicle.... I found out I was pregnant even though we were using protection.....ended up wicked sick with pneumonia..... my fiance has schizophrenia and ended up loosing his job and child services decided he was unsafe because he is unmedicated because we have been fighting with medicaid to get him insurance so he is not allowed to be alone with our kids for even five minutes so I don't get a break and I have to be his full time caregiver. I said both my kids are special needs and have to have therapies 7+ times a week.... we only have a mini fridge and a microwave to make food and both my kids are on special diets and we need a stove to cook for them....and then welfare decided to charge me with fraud because they claim they didn't now df was living with me even though we are in a welfare run program and his signature is on every paper along with mine.....they cancled my welfare food stamps and my kids health insurance and I have to pay back the last 3 months of my cash assistance because of dfs income from his old job even tho he only brought he less than 400 a month and they knew about it..... ummm so now I am supporting 4 of us on my disability income (oh yeah I am disabled I have autism bipolar ocd and multiple sclerosis) which isn't nearly enough.....oh and I am in a huge fight with my whole family and they harass me constantly throwing me into severe panic attacks..... and now it is November in new England and like I said we have no vehicle and the closest store is a 20 min walk each way (right now it is 17 degrees outside)..... we are being told that we will be here for about another year if not more.... good luck with ur situation I hope things get better soon
by Gold Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 7:50 AM

hugs  I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. We're always here to listen or chat.

by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Bless you all. I hope things get better for everyone!
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:59 AM
Thanks for sharing I know having children with special needs is hard I have a brother that is 25 but his mentally is stuck at 18 months old. I know things can always always get worse so working with what u and I have is better then nothing.
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