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Husband not as helpful as he thinks he is

Posted by on Nov. 22, 2013 at 7:47 PM
  • 9 Replies
Sorry, this is a bit of a rant... Ok. So my husband is a hardworking man who makes sure that the bills are paid. However, he stretches himself too far. He gives everything to his jobs and I'm getting left behind. Here's the thing, we have a 17 month and are expecting our second baby in February 2014. I'm already extremely uncomfortable, and having anxiety/depression issues. When I first found out we were expecting, I said I would need his help with the 17 month old. "sure, no problem" BULLSH*T! I work as as teacher (so does he) so I'm not home all day doing nothing, I get home and I'm exhausted. I know he's tired but he's the first one to take a shower or get a nap in while I handle our son. I've tried talking to him, but he tells me im crazy and makes the most aggravating arguments. I have been trying so hard to manage the house work by myself, along with making him and our son dinner, bathing our son, cleaning up after dinner, etc. I feel so unappreciated. He acts more like my dad than my husband, reminding me that I need to do laundry or that the house is a wreck. I ask if he can wait until the morning and he gets all flustered and makes a fuss andt he'll take care of it. He's making me feel worthless and like a lazy child. He doesn't seem to realize that being pregnant, working full time and taking care of a toddler is taking a lot out of me and I need more emotional support. He has absolutely no empathy. He got livid mad with me when I got the epidural with my son because he thought I was exaggerating my pain level. He just doesn't get it and I'm emotionally beat down. I can't talk to him. It turns into a nasty fight. I don't know what to do. He won't go to counseling because he thinks he'll be blamed for all our problems and he thinks it's all me. I'm not perfect and there are days I don't feel like doing anything, but he's convinced he has more of a right to be tired than I do.
by on Nov. 22, 2013 at 7:47 PM
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Replies (1-9):
celestegood
by Platinum Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 7:50 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry:(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MommaVoo
by Bronze Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 7:51 PM

I think you need to either convince him how you feel and that he needs to actually help out or convince him that counselling is needed. *hugs* and good luck.. Im one month ahead of you in pregnancy and you NEED the help and the bit about the epidural.. I would have punched him so hard!

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connie45
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 7:58 PM
2 moms liked this
You better take a stand now it it will get worse. Make him a duty list and TELL him YOU WILL be a help not a hindrance buddy boy.

As for the epidural thing, what a jackass. No uterus, no opinion.
ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Some guys.,, rent an empathy belt and make him wear it for a week
momma2Bof5
by New Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 8:42 PM
Well it sounds like he's extremely selfish. Switch roles and have him do what you do. I bet he won't be so careless and inconsiderate to you and your feelings. Put your foot down !!! He may be a man but we run things you need to let him know that. I'm so sorry that your going through this but do something now before he is conditioned into thinking that he can act this way when clearly he CANT !! Good luck hun and GOD BLESS !!
4261025523
by New Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 11:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Go on strike!!! U obviously cant ignore ur child but u dont have to make a nice meal. Gerber meals will work. Dont do his laundry and anything else he asks.
stop complaing to him and just do whatever you and your son wants to do. He will notice and will come around. I have a hardworking, lazy man too and thats what I do.
Mrs.MikeC
by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 12:43 AM
My husband is very helpful, but sometimes forgets the little things I do... I recently found just kissing the baby goodbye and going for a two hour cruise helps. I recently was so ticked at him I just left, didn't say where I was going or when I was coming back. Just left. I drove to a town 30 minutes from our house just to get rally's for dinner. It was very liberating! He was pissed, but it helped me a lot!---short term relief ;)
jconney80
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 12:59 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this! That definitly is not fair and you have every right to be upset. I would put my foot down about it. Some men will not help out until there is no other choice. Maybe you should tell him that since he refuses to talk to you about it in a civil manner then he can do his half of the chores and you can do yours. Which also means he can take care of half of the things your child needs. I really don't know how to give you constructive advice if he just refuses to talk about it. Sometimes you have to really make them mad to get them to listen. Or try telling him if you are doing all of the housework then you can stay at home. I hope something gives. I'd personally go on strike.

SissyAnn141
by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 1:07 AM

 

Quoting connie45:

You better take a stand now it it will get worse. Make him a duty list and TELL him YOU WILL be a help not a hindrance buddy boy.

As for the epidural thing, what a jackass. No uterus, no opinion.

 He needs to pick up your and his SON.

 Give the son a bath, playtime "daddy-time".

  I WOULD STOP HIS "NAP" !!!!!!!!!

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