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when enough is enough

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 12:56 AM
  • 5 Replies
I got married last may, to the father of my 2 year old. Im currently 30 weeks pregnant with our 2nd daughter. Im 22. Hes 24. He has a 4yr old with a previous girlfriend. Everything was great until lately. He cares more about "freedom" than anything else. Hes always been the party type, but it never consumed him the way it has since I became pregnant again. I have no free time, and it seems as if he doesnt care. I have to beg him to spend time at home and be a good dad. At this point I dont even care if hes a horrible husband. But his kids need their dad. And im playing mom and dad to both kids now. Im worried ill stress myself to the breaking point when this one arrives. Ive tried talking to him, nothing is working. Im literally at my breaking point. I have no access to what is now "his" money although ive contributed plenty until recently. I am in a serious bind. And I have no idea where to go from here. Advice?
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 12:56 AM
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by Emerald Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 1:21 AM

Do you currently have a job?   There are major red flags here and yes he needs to be a good husband as well as a good father.  The children learn from relationships they see around them.  Could you go to family for advice and help?

by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 1:25 AM
I was employed until my pregnancy issues got in the way. Its another high risk pregnancy. Bed rest prevents me from working. And my family just criticizes everything, so they dont really hear any of what I try saying. They still bring up my pregnancy with my first born and stuff like that, so no real support system
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 2:51 AM

Some guys freak out when it comes to having kids and having to be responsible for kids.  You both are still fairly young, so to think, you just became legal to drink, you still have club clothes in the closet and now to switch to the parent and husband mindset is difficult for a guy especially since they mature much slower than women.  Plus we are already closely bonded to the child since we were pregnant whereas men dont bod as closely with a child until they are at an age that they can truly ask daddy to play or feel they can get rough and tumble with them.  His involvement in deciding when to have kids, caring for the child, etc. should have been discussed prior to marriage and maybe he doesnt know how much of a role you expected him to take as far as their care, etc.  Most men, you need to let them know things point blank.  I am also not opposed to speaking with your respective parents regarding issues and assistance with the kids if necessary since they have already been through it and may have good advice regarding the steps to take and tactics to use.

by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 7:34 AM

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds to me like he could be freaking about having another child. Was baby #2 planned? He may also be feeling the pressure of being the main monetary support with you not having a job. It can be overwhelming for guys.

I would sit down and have a chat with him-don't nag, don't accuse him of anything just talk to him. Let him know that you understand that he needs his time but that you really need him to be there for you and the kids. I would also consider getting counseling for both of you.

Good luck!

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by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 9:20 AM

He's 24, which is still young for a man, and expecting his third child. Of course he's freaking out! Help him see that this is not the end of his life.

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