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Is This How Baby Showers Are Now?

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:39 PM
  • 345 Replies
7 moms liked this
My daughter told me that none of her friends wanted to take on hosting her baby shower (she is 26 weeks) - they wanted to help, but not be "in charge". After she said this a couple of times, I offered to host it for her. It's their first baby, and our first grandchild.

She immediately went out and ordered invites that cost $65, and began planning the valentine theme, colors, etc. I offered to make the Individual heart shaped cakes she asked for, and she said no, they would be purchased. I asked what kind of food she would like to have, and she had a caterer. Then a florist. Someone's doing decorations, Now someone is bringing cupcakes. It all sounded pretty fancy to me (and I haven't offered to pay for any of this), so I asked her if our home was really going to be suitable, maybe she wanted a different venue for what she had in mind?? I explained that as I understood it, showers were usually given by friends/family to welcome a new life into the world and provide part of the layette for the new mother - NOT as a status symbol. Of course, I said this as gently as i could, remembering the probably 60+ baby showers I've had/attended that have been fun, silly, and fairly low key.

She replied that "people spend thousands on baby showers". She has planned every inch of it herself and is delegating duties to different friends. It's at a tea shop now, with different types of tea, little tea sandwiches, hours d'oveures.......she texted me last night and wondered if I could come and help her address the invitations, on which she "accidently wasted $65 on" because she had to reorder ones with the restaurant address instead of our home address......and I was at an event with another child out of town, so I wasn't able to assist.

Guess I've just not heard of a mother totally arranging their own baby shower, nor such a fancy one, lol. And why would she ask me to host it, then not have me doing anything??? Is this the way it's done now?
by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:39 PM
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by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:42 PM
42 moms liked this

She's full of poop. 

She's going way over the top which is unfair, unless it's on her dime. 

by Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:45 PM
33 moms liked this

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!  She is being ungrateful.

Here's how my shower worked: 

My SIL asked if anyone was doing it for me.  I said no.  She asked if she could.  I said that would be wonderful.  She said Give me a list of dates that work for you.  I did.  She said you shower will be on ___.  She asked for an invite list and gave me a max number of people (40).  I gave her my list.  I showed up and was thankful.

It was in her house.  There were about 30 people there.  Food was catered by Wegman's and stuff she made.  Decorations were stuff from Party City and some fresh flowers from the grocery store.  My mom made chocolate lollipops as favors.

It was lovely and I got a lot of amazing gifts to which I immediately handwrote thank yous.

by Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:46 PM
4 moms liked this

Oh and she asked you to host it because she expects you to pay for it. 

by Mrs.Awesome Face on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:49 PM
3 moms liked this

I threw a baby shower for a very dear friend last year and I prepared all of the food myself, we did have to hold it in a different venue because neither of our houses were big enough but all of the decorations came from a party store and I spent like $30 on the invitations.

by Angela-Marie on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:53 PM
1 mom liked this

 My showers were all (and yeah, there were several, 3 for my first and 1 each for my second and third and I had NOTHING to do with any of it...I already had everything I needed for my second as my first was only 9 months old when I got pregnant with him and I had already bought everything for my third and got fussed at for buying beacause "There's not going to be anything fun for the people going to your shower to buy!") low key and fun.

My mom made the cakes, others pitched in and brought finger foods, a group of people decorated. And they were held in normal places (church fellowship hall for a few of them as members of the church threw 1 for my first and 1 for my second and my parents rented the hall out for my first because so many were expected to be there, work for one because the people at work threw it for my first child, and the last one was held at my brother's house because I had too many people coming to fit in my house or my parents house, but not enough people coming to need a huge place).

by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 1:00 PM
4 moms liked this

No, this is not the way it's done. 

by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 1:00 PM
14 moms liked this

Does she expect you to pay for all this?

Now you know why all her friends said no!

by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 1:01 PM
2 moms liked this
We had my first one for my oldest at my mom's work, it was a surprise. They had a cake and a potluck. All the ladies planned it for me. They were extremely generous.

For my second child (7 years later), bff threw it at a bbq place. Everybody had lunch and we had a cake from the local grocery store. We had decorations from oriental trading.

Neither of mine were fancy. Nor have I ever attended a fancy one. Most I have attended are at a person's house, with light snacks and some cake.
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 1:05 PM
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i went to one recently that wasn't quite as fancy as what you're describing but it seemed a lot of it was planned by the mom to be. which i thought was just odd. my view of a baby shower is the same as yours, some family and friends sitting around, having a little luncheon and cake and watching the mom open baby gifts. i've never liked some of the stupid games, but most are just silly and not too bad. i've always thought it was supposed to be a family member (like a sister or cousin or something) who got things planned out. but it does seem like they're getting to be bigger and more extravaggant than that.

by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 1:07 PM
7 moms liked this

None of mine were fancy and I would never ask for something like that or plan anything like that.  Like you said a baby shower is for friends to welcome the new little one, not a status symbol.  Sounds kind of crazy to me to be spending all that money on a shower when it could be spent on things for the baby!


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