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please give me your advice

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:51 PM
  • 8 Replies
I have a 4 year old dd from a previous relationship. I feel its in her best interest that all the adults in her life get along. DH refuses to meet her father because he's upset about something he did when dd was 6 months old. When my x and I broke up he took dd (Who primarily nursed at the time, only took a few oz from the bottle while at daycare but not enough to sustain her.) He hid her from me for 3 days until I had a court order to get her back. He then called CPS on me multiple times over the next few years until the parenting plan was in place (in 2011) Now he seems to be as accommodating as possible. I feel its in dd best interest that they meet and learn be civil. Every time I talk with dh about it he refuses and says he's still too mad. I understand I scared him when my x took dd (I called him screaming about it) but I feel like its been years and its time to forgive and forget. We need to move on for dd sake. What happens when dd has sports she wants us to attend, or graduation, or when she gets married? I'm afraid dh won't attend because he won't want to be around my x. I've brought it up numerous times and have yet to prevail. Though?
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:51 PM
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Replies (1-8):
coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:54 PM
I agree with you. If he can't get past what happened, he should speak to a cousnelor and work it out. There will be many milestones in her life where she'll want/need all of her parents around her.
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IncognitoOne
by Angela-Marie on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:02 PM

 I do believe that all adults should get along when they're involved in co-parenting. It makes things MUCH easier....

But I'd find it hard to trust a man who did all of what your daughter's father did too.

MethuenMom
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:13 PM

 I believe all adults should get along but on their own terms.  I completely understand DH's stance.  I'd be wicked pissed too!  If he is that angry maybe he's protecting himself from his own actions. 

If your phones have intercoms maybe a series of conference calls where he can just sit and listen could be a good start and it could build from there.

I understand you're thinking ahead but it might be best to live in the now and think about small ways to initiate communication without visibility.

LuLuRex
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:04 PM

I can see both sides of it. I can understand your DH's anger, but ultimately I would want everyone to get along.

withsecond
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:47 PM
I don't blame him and I myself, would be hesitant to ever trust him alone with her.
Will he not go to events if he knows the ex will be there? Or do you think he'll go and stay clear of him?

You can't expect him to want to see him and talk to him but maybe he can just ignore him for special events?
we-r-up-to-4
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:53 PM
No he refuses to go as of yet. We have things through her preschool that he's refused to go to so he stayed home with the kids..

Quoting withsecond: I don't blame him and I myself, would be hesitant to ever trust him alone with her.

Will he not go to events if he knows the ex will be there? Or do you think he'll go and stay clear of him?



You can't expect him to want to see him and talk to him but maybe he can just ignore him for special events?
withsecond
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 4:58 PM
Oh.
Hmmm...maybe he just needs more time. What your ex did was so xocompletely wrong. I know you want everyone to forgive and forget but it's harder for some people to do that.

Maybe he needs more time to see that the ex is genuine?


Quoting we-r-up-to-4: No he refuses to go as of yet. We have things through her preschool that he's refused to go to so he stayed home with the kids..



Quoting withsecond: I don't blame him and I myself, would be hesitant to ever trust him alone with her.


Will he not go to events if he knows the ex will be there? Or do you think he'll go and stay clear of him?





You can't expect him to want to see him and talk to him but maybe he can just ignore him for special events?
MusherMaggie
by Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:57 PM
You can't make people get along with each other. I'd wonder if your ex was even stable enough to be around your daughter.
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