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4 1/2 Year Old Son Still Not Fully Potty Trained....Help! PIOG

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:53 PM
  • 29 Replies
1 mom liked this

 My son Nathan is having trouble with potty training. He is 4 1/2. He didn't start fully going pee in the potty with no accidents until right at age 4. Now we have been trying to get him to go poo in the potty and it's a battle everyday. He will have some markings in his underwear like he has tried to go or has held it in. When we see this we put him on the potty to try and go and he cries and screams like he's scared. We don't know why or what to do. There are a lot of times he just goes in his underwear. If I smell it, I will ask him if he went poo and he always says "I Don't Know" when he has gone. It's like he doesn't care to go in his underwear at all. We've tried rewardarding him if he went in the potty, but he wasn't interested. My other two boys were potty trained around age 3 so I am at a loss of what to do. DH and I have had some family members comment that he is just being lazy. I hope this makes sense. I have only made a few posts on here. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. Thanks ladies!

by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Momofboys22
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:14 PM

 bump...

A-nony-mous
by Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:50 PM

Some kids just take longer. 

This frustrates a lot of parents, who become exhasperated with themselves and the child, and it turns into a control battle....which the child inevitably wins by withholding and refusing to go which then often causes health problems for them. So the worst thing you can do is look at this as a control or disciplinary issue and make a big deal out of it.

Are his stools large and/or hard? Some children who are late in using the toilet to have bowel movements doso because they associate it with pain and discomfort from hard, dry stools that hurt to have. A change of diet and perhaps even some stool softeners might help him relax. Might be worth a try.

And just have patience. They all do get there eventually. It's actually quite common for many children not to end up fully and completely potty trained (urinating and bowel movements and no 'oopsies') until 5 or 6, it's just that parents are too embarassed to talk much about it and feel that it's their fault or parenting. But there's often at least a child or two in each Kindergarten class that might still be wearing a pullup or having accidents in secret. :-)  

RoseWall
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:51 PM

it has always seemed to be a scary event to some children. even my own to do the poo in the regular toilet. i used a potty chair for a long as needed. they make so many of those these days. and when my kids used the toilet. i did not insist that they flush it. i always offered to do it when they were done. all they had to do is let me know and i would do the flushing duties. as long as they did all the rest. i would let them stand in the hall while i sang a "lets flush this poo down the drain" song. it would be a silly nonsense song about how the poo was our friend who  was only visiting and was now leaving and it was time to sing bye bye. the words were often different each time but more or less along the lines of how fun it was that poo visited. and how happy we were that mommy was here to wave goodbye.

you get the idea.

much of potty training for my kids revolved around reading books. books about potty training.

several of the companies that sell those disposable undear type garments. make dvds that take you through potty training steps.


RoseWall
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:53 PM

my thing about it was if there are no medical issues and the child was "ready" then it can be a stess free fun milestone to deal with. no  reason to make it full of pressure and punishment.

positive reinforcement was always key with us.

NeonGirl9583
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:54 PM
My almost8 year old ain't fully pottytrained yet....


I have nothing. (My son has health problems)
Here's a bump for you though.
RoseWall
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:57 PM

i spent quite a bit of monies on lots of character underwear. they could even wear them backwards so they could see the print if they wanted to. as long as they wore them and kept them clean and dry. and if an accident happened. no problem. what a great time for another song about putting your wet  undies in the special dirty undies bin. and then another song about "what unders will we get to were now..." spiderman? then you sing the  yes or no. ...

i hope im making sense.

make it fun.

its such a short time of their lives this particular stage.

try to keep it light and carefree.

be patient , kind , and positive that pottytraining is one more step you child will easily master.

RoseWall
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:00 PM

it can sometimes be a medical issue. if your child has an issue with the way the bladder works or how big it is. keep in mind i am not a medical professional. only a mom of three. so all my replies are purely my opinion based on my personal experiences.

you have already had any medical problems ruled out right?

ditsyjo
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:18 PM

have you tried offering a major reward... something he really wants if he can go in the potty without an acciedent for a certain amount of time.

Momofboys22
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 12:29 AM

 

Quoting RoseWall:

it can sometimes be a medical issue. if your child has an issue with the way the bladder works or how big it is. keep in mind i am not a medical professional. only a mom of three. so all my replies are purely my opinion based on my personal experiences.

you have already had any medical problems ruled out right?

Yes. To my knowledge he doesn't have any medical problems. Thank you for the advice. It helps a lot to have some opinions from others to help. I am trying to be strong, it just breaks my heart when he breaks down and cries over us trying to get him to sit on the potty :-( I know he will learn in time.  

Momofboys22
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 12:33 AM

 

Quoting A-nony-mous:

Some kids just take longer. 

This frustrates a lot of parents, who become exhasperated with themselves and the child, and it turns into a control battle....which the child inevitably wins by withholding and refusing to go which then often causes health problems for them. So the worst thing you can do is look at this as a control or disciplinary issue and make a big deal out of it.

Are his stools large and/or hard? Some children who are late in using the toilet to have bowel movements doso because they associate it with pain and discomfort from hard, dry stools that hurt to have. A change of diet and perhaps even some stool softeners might help him relax. Might be worth a try.

And just have patience. They all do get there eventually. It's actually quite common for many children not to end up fully and completely potty trained (urinating and bowel movements and no 'oopsies') until 5 or 6, it's just that parents are too embarassed to talk much about it and feel that it's their fault or parenting. But there's often at least a child or two in each Kindergarten class that might still be wearing a pullup or having accidents in secret. :-)  

 Thank you. I agree with you about the discipline part. My father in-law told my husband we needed to spank him for having the accidents that he was only doing it for attention. I gave FIL a piece of my mind and told him that we were not going to discipline him for having accidents. I know sometimes people give advice like that and it's horrible. Thank you for the advice.

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