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I have a question

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:13 AM
  • 28 Replies

 I find myself getting annoyed at her,and I'm not certain I should be.I've talked about my 17 year old's best friend before. His name is *Hunter* and I feel sorry for him at times.

 His father ran off with some girl and emptied the joint bank account.Thus leaving *Hunter's mom with 3 kids (ages: 17,13,6) and no money.*Stephanie had a full time  job but,is struggling bad. So much so that she can't afford new shoes for her kids and they repoed her truck last month. To make matters worse,she lost her job a couple of weeks ago.So,now she sits at home during the day.

 Anyhow,my problem is this: While Stephanie was at work *Hunter stayed home with his baby sister,this I see no problem with.She had to be able to depend on her oldest for help because there just was NO ONE else. She had to work so she could feed/clothe them...But,she isn't working anymore.And *Hunter still has to stay home with his baby sister (even if his mom is just taking a nap,in the same house).Now,I'm starting to think she is just taking advantage of him. It bothers me because he is a really sweet kid,he has had to grow up too fast,with too much responsibility and I know he is starting to resent *Nicole (6 year old sis).Example of this: We took our kids to New Orleans to the Audobon Zoo and we invited *Hunter. *Stephanie said he could go if he found a babysitter for *Nicole...(Stephanie was going to be home all day).Because of how disappointed he was we offered to take *Nicole also. *Hunter begged us to PLEASE NOT bring his baby sister,he swore he would find someone to take care of her. "I just want to have fun today" (what he said to me)

 I'm hoping that I'm wrong and *Stephanie is just depressed,I'm hoping maybe she'll pull herself back up soon.I don't know if I should try to make her a friend and help that way or just leave well enough alone?! We (as a family)love *Hunter and I don't like to see him hurting....No point to this post really,sort of thinking out loud. I would really like to help them.

 Any advice?

 (Before anyone asks,*Hannah-the middle child-decided to move in with her father,in Oaklahoma.It's why she doesn't "get" to help watching *Nicole)

 P.s. To all of you saying/fixing to say I shouldn't judge because I'm not in her shoes---I am not judging.I just don't want it to be "too little,too late" when Steph finally realizes how sad *Hunter has been the last month or so.





Thought for the day :


 Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible that way.

by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:19 AM

I think mom is leaning too much on her eldest child for help.  It is her responsibility to care for all the children and find them childcare if need be.  I was a baby sitter in my teen years and one job i had I watched 5 children under the age of 5 for 6 hours.  Their usual babysitter was the eldest of the blended family who was 16.  She was thankful I was willing to take on the challenge of her siblings.   I feel bad for your boy that he has so much on his shoulders with just one sibling.   I would talk to mom and see where her head is emotionally and see what i could do to help.

brandyblx
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:33 AM

 Oh,I'm going to ask Steph if we can help at all.But,I really want to point out that her oldest is starting to resent the youngest (I'm not going to,at least for right now).*Hunter shouldn't HAVE to watch *Nicole ALL THE TIME. I think he should have at least a little time to just be a kid....Childhood goes by too quickly as it is,kwim?

 *Hunter always looks so sad anymore.frown mini 

Quoting frndlyfn:

I think mom is leaning too much on her eldest child for help.  It is her responsibility to care for all the children and find them childcare if need be.  I was a baby sitter in my teen years and one job i had I watched 5 children under the age of 5 for 6 hours.  Their usual babysitter was the eldest of the blended family who was 16.  She was thankful I was willing to take on the challenge of her siblings.   I feel bad for your boy that he has so much on his shoulders with just one sibling.   I would talk to mom and see where her head is emotionally and see what i could do to help.


frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:39 AM

I totally know what you mean.  Especially when mom is at home. A 6 yr old should be fine in the house if mom is laying down for a bit. Poor brother.  I am sure he just wants to enjoy these last few years of being a child himself but cant if you are resenting a sibling.

Quoting brandyblx:

 Oh,I'm going to ask Steph if we can help at all.But,I really want to point put that her oldest is starting to resent the youngest (I'm not going to,at least for right now).*Hunter shouldn't HAVE to watch *Nicole ALL THE TIME. I think he should have at least a little time to just be a kid....Childhood goes by too quickly as it is,kwim?

 *Hunter always looks so sad anymore.frown mini 

Quoting frndlyfn:

I think mom is leaning too much on her eldest child for help.  It is her responsibility to care for all the children and find them childcare if need be.  I was a baby sitter in my teen years and one job i had I watched 5 children under the age of 5 for 6 hours.  Their usual babysitter was the eldest of the blended family who was 16.  She was thankful I was willing to take on the challenge of her siblings.   I feel bad for your boy that he has so much on his shoulders with just one sibling.   I would talk to mom and see where her head is emotionally and see what i could do to help.



beadingmom17
by Rachel on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Yeah, it sounds like she's using him too much. Depression is probably dragging her down and she doesn't even realize it. She should probably see a doctor. Poor Hunter :( What a sucky situation all around!
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brandyblx
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:47 AM

 Yeah and this is the thing....I don't even know how I'd bring it up IF(very big if)I do.If everything that has happened to her was to happen to me-I'd be down in the dumps,too.

Quoting beadingmom17: Yeah, it sounds like she's using him too much. Depression is probably dragging her down and she doesn't even realize it. She should probably see a doctor. Poor Hunter :( What a sucky situation all around!


beadingmom17
by Rachel on Jan. 20, 2014 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Do you know her well? Maybe you could make a dinner and take it over and then say you're worried about her and you've noticed that Hunter seems stressed, too. Ease into it.

Quoting brandyblx:

 Yeah and this is the thing....I don't even know how I'd bring it up IF(very big if)I do.If everything that has happened to her was to happen to me-I'd be down in the dumps,too.

Quoting beadingmom17: Yeah, it sounds like she's using him too much. Depression is probably dragging her down and she doesn't even realize it. She should probably see a doctor. Poor Hunter :( What a sucky situation all around!


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PsMama717
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 12:19 PM

I think beadingmom17 has a good idea. Invite her for dinner (and the kids) and while the kids are off playing mention that you've noticed Hunter has been down/stressed lately and you wanted to make sure he's okay. And ask if there's anything you can do to help him and her.

Tough position to be in but I think someone needs to let her know that he's suffering. 

Quoting beadingmom17: Do you know her well? Maybe you could make a dinner and take it over and then say you're worried about her and you've noticed that Hunter seems stressed, too. Ease into it.

Quoting brandyblx:

 Yeah and this is the thing....I don't even know how I'd bring it up IF(very big if)I do.If everything that has happened to her was to happen to me-I'd be down in the dumps,too.

Quoting beadingmom17: Yeah, it sounds like she's using him too much. Depression is probably dragging her down and she doesn't even realize it. She should probably see a doctor. Poor Hunter :( What a sucky situation all around!



DallasCowboys81
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 12:37 PM
That is so sad. I have a 17 yr old. She babysits her 3 siblings for me BUT its once a month ( if that ) when me n dad finally go on a date night I say talk to the mom she needs.to take responsibility.
charleyangel317
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:04 PM

 I would talk to her about it. Maybe not really befriend her but if she is telling the 17 yo that he cannot do something unless he finds a sitter for his sister while his mom is at home but she should be watching the little sister. Mom needs to suck it up (no matter how bad she is hurting) and remember that she has kids. *Hunter* didn't make the little sister...mom did.

mommylk
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:32 PM
It's really kind how you've been there for Hunter and are contemplating how or if you can help his mom. I'm wondering if deeper involvement with mom will change the way you are able to be there for Hunter.
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